Forum Sponsors

www.white-edge.co.uk
xxxx
www.advancedpainters.co.uk

www.fdrlaw.co.uk

Advertise here

The East Dulwich Forum
Would you recommend your East Dulwich doctor, dentist or butcher?
Goto Page: 12345Next
Current Page: 1 of 5
messageED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by Jim1234 12 November, 2016 11:19

Hi,

I want to warn others about this place.

I went to get my hair cut at Mem's (near Dulwich Library) this morning. The guy who cut my hair at first didn't say much, but then started chatting to his colleague in Turkish. I didn't understand they were saying. Afterward he laughed and told me and his other colleague, 'I just asked him if he spoke Turkish, he said he did but then I asked him if he likes it up the batty and he said he does'. I was offended by this and consider it homophobic. I also felt intimidated.

A few minutes later he started talking about how he got some pills which made him 'at least an inch larger'. I found this intimidating, awkward and embarrassing, as well as crude but, you know, I'll live. However he then made the comment that these particular pills we're, 'much better than what you get from Pakis on the street.' At this point, hugely offended, I didn't say anything because he was almost finished and I felt so intimidated.

I went to pay and after I'd got my coat I said to all the staff, 'By the way guys, next time you make insulting remarks about gay people and Pakistanis you may want to check your customers aren't either of those things. I won't be coming back here again.' note that I am neither gay nor Pakistani, so I'm not really sure why I challenged them that way, but I didn't want to leave without saying anything.

To boot, my hair cut isn't very good either.

I wanted to warn everyone on here about this in case they are considering going. I also hope this will lose them some business. I would also welcome anyone's advice as to whether I can go to the police about this, considering I wasn't actually a 'victim'.

Jim

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by DulwichFox 12 November, 2016 11:56

I will have to pop in for a chat.. I speak enough Turkish to make him feel very stupid.

I have done so in Turkey when insults have been aimed in my direction and I have made some comments which
lets them know that I speak some Turkish..

I would of said. 'şaka yapıyor musun / musunuz?.. It means Lit.' Are you making a joke ?'
Musun is casual.. Musunuz is more serious. Like 'Are you taking the piss'

It is not offensive but shuts them up.

I can do offensive..

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by Charl70 12 November, 2016 12:01

Good man Jim , there's no where in society for all this,give you big respect for giving them some back we live in an equal society where we are all equal

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by edcam 12 November, 2016 12:24

Well done Jim. Clearly a place to be avoided, thanks very much for the warning.

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by steveo 12 November, 2016 12:29

Sounds hilarious

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by steveo 12 November, 2016 12:44

Be careful Fox, those men are carrying SCISSORS

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by DulwichFox 12 November, 2016 13:04

I was looking for a new barber having had a couple of duff haircuts recently...

Think I may give this one a miss..

Foxy

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by P.O.U.S.theWonderCat 12 November, 2016 13:30

Good on you Jim - and Foxy too.

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by the_gamechanger 12 November, 2016 14:38

Did he say where he got the pills from?

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by Fafanoo 12 November, 2016 15:09

DulwichFox Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I will have to pop in for a chat.. I speak enough
> Turkish to make him feel very stupid.
>
> I have done so in Turkey when insults have been
> aimed in my direction and I have made some
> comments which
> lets them know that I speak some Turkish..
>
> I would of said. 'şaka yapıyor musun /
> musunuz?.. It means Lit.' Are you making a joke ?'
>
> Musun is casual.. Musunuz is more serious. Like
> 'Are you taking the piss'
>
> It is not offensive but shuts them up.
>
> I can do offensive..


Really?

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by Jim1234 13 November, 2016 10:09

Hi all,

Thank you for the messages of support. I was rather upset after this incident and I found comfort in some of the responses on here.

Don't know about the trolling though...

Can I request that if anyone has any advice as to whether I should involve the police I would appreciate your feedback

Can I also request that this is moved back to the main part of the forum (how do I do this?) This post is not a review of Mem's, it's a warning and a discussion on an incident that took place in ED. Mentioning the fact that the haircut was bad was an attempt to add a bit of lightheartedness to a bleak post.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit was 2016:11:13:10:13:07 by Jim1234.

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by Administrator 13 November, 2016 13:34

I've moved it back to the ED issues section however I have added ?'s to the title as you are questioning the validity of your statements i.e. if they were definitely racist and homophobic you would go to the police (I hope).

--------------------
The Administrator
______________________
Help & FAQ's - Terms of use

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by Louisa 13 November, 2016 14:23

There is no place for 'locker room banter' (as it has recently and famously been referred to), in this day and age. There's a massive difference between laughing with someone and laughing at someone. Racism, sexism, homophobia, personal remarks about weight, image and disability, why would you want to do that to someone? Why would you want to make someone feel beneath you in some way? I don't understand how someone can bully another person for something they can't change about themselves. It makes me sick to the stomach that someone could be so personal and horrible about someone else. Much like this social media shaming that's become popular. People taking sneaky photos of strangers and posting them on social media to demean that person for a 'joke'. Disgusting.

I don't know the specific details about this particular incident, but I can assure you it would be enough for me to recommend Mr Louisa and others not to use their services.

Louisa.

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by uncleglen 13 November, 2016 16:54

And don't forget these morons may have children that grow up in this kind of atmosphere.

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by rendelharris 13 November, 2016 18:52

uncleglen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> And don't forget these morons may have children
> that grow up in this kind of atmosphere.

And this week's Golden Shoehorn goes to Uncle...

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by drewd 13 November, 2016 20:27

I had my haircut at Mems once and also felt less comfortable there than at other barbers in ED. There was definitely a very blokey macho banter going on between the barbers. Most barbers are smart enough to read people and know what to say and not to say to customers or in front of customers. Those two in Mems - not so much.

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by pork chop 13 November, 2016 21:15

Ditto. I've had two haircuts in there. For the first the general atmosphere wasn't too bad, but the second had different staff and was pretty horrible, and very much as Jim describes. Best avoided.

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by tomskip 14 November, 2016 08:43

Thanks for the heads up, OP.

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by DuncanW 14 November, 2016 12:25

I went there a while back and the atmosphere was a bit odd, but I don't recall anything racist or homophobic being said. The haircut also wasn't that great and I haven't returned.

I don't think what you described is a police matter though, what law is it you think may have been broken?

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by wonderwoman 14 November, 2016 13:44

Is it worth telling the manager unless of course he is one of the men involved! I must say although we've not encountered any such horrid remarks but don't think they're that good either like you say. My son went there once and didnt like it at all. And I definitely would not take the kids there if this is whats happening. He much preferred going to old fashioned barbers down in Peckham and they give the kids lollies after!

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by matthew1 14 November, 2016 14:42

I have going regularly and the last few times felt less and less comfortable but thought I was being a bit sensitive. I have overhead some odd conversations too and whilst I'm always up for some banter this was just a little odd - don't think I'll be going back anymore.

Interesting to know it wasn't just me though.

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by Jah Lush 14 November, 2016 15:04

I stopped using Mems about eight or nine months sgo. I'd soon tired of their inane blokey banter and thought they were a couple of tosspots. Since then I've found a very nice chap at bottom of Melbourne Grove near the station who I now use regularly and highly recommend.

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by adonirum 14 November, 2016 15:36

P.O.U.S.theWonderCat Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Good on you Jim - and Foxy too.

Ditto....and if I had any hair to cut, then I would boycott it as well.

messageRe: Mem's Barbers - homophobia, racism and a bad haircut
Posted by tutorse22 14 November, 2016 16:10

Kudos to Jim for saying something. It's not always easy to speak up in these situations, even when you v much want to.

I've been reading recently on another thread elsewhere about similar types of "micro aggressions", and one commentator I very much respect has suggested that these moments, uncomfortable as they may be, should be seen as opportunities to engage . We're entering difficult times here, and courage to engage with the "other" side is increasingly important…

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by Willard 14 November, 2016 20:39

I can recommend Jazz's barbers and Rocket on Rye lane. Nice bunch and good haircut.

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by catch21 14 November, 2016 21:12

I am struggling with the OP assertion that someone who I presume does not have English as their first language is using a phrase such as 'likes it up the batty'.

I think Les Dawson might have deployed this sort of use of language - but a young Turkish hairdresser in 2016....

More to this than meets the eye methinks - barber wars perhaps..

For what it is worth, I was there only the day before this alleged occurrence and the barber was French/Algerian....

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by Sue 14 November, 2016 23:24

catch21 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am struggling with the OP assertion that someone
> who I presume does not have English as their first
> language is using a phrase such as 'likes it up
> the batty'.
>
> I think Les Dawson might have deployed this sort
> of use of language - but a young Turkish
> hairdresser in 2016....
>
> More to this than meets the eye methinks - barber
> wars perhaps..
>
> For what it is worth, I was there only the day
> before this alleged occurrence and the barber was
> French/Algerian....


"Barber wars?"

First, several other people on this thread have had similar experiences at this place.

Second, the OP has called out racist posts on other threads.

Good on you for challenging them, Jim1234, it isn't easy.

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by Jim1234 15 November, 2016 07:07

To clarify, the guy cutting my hair was British in that he spoke with a British accent, assumedly of Turkish decent and appeared to speak Turkish as a second language.

I promise I'm not a local barber trying to undermine a rival local business, but I guess I can't prove that.

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by keane 15 November, 2016 07:31

Just read all this & thought as another voice maybe I should add that my other half & our kids beeen having haircuts at mem's since it opened and have always found the staff courteous and good cuts. We personally have never witnessed anything like this in their shop. From the Op's post it sounds this was chat between two barbers - yes unacceptable language but hardly a police matter?

messageRe: ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut
Posted by Mick Mac 15 November, 2016 09:21

keane Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Just read all this & thought as another voice
> maybe I should add that my other half & our kids
> beeen having haircuts at mem's since it opened and
> have always found the staff courteous and good
> cuts.

I'd like to add to that. I took my 6 year old son for a haircut there about 6 months ago. For a 6 year old a haircut by a person they don't know can be quite intimidating, especially as our son has generally had a haircut from my mums hairdresser who visits the house.
Throughout the whole haircut the guy cutting my son's hair was having a conversation at the top of his voice across the room to the girl who takes the money, about dates and nights out. He didn't say a single word to my son or ask if he was ok throughout the haircut. I felt inclined to go over to my son a couple of times to check he was ok although the barber took no account of this. I think for a child a few words of comfort and encouragement are appropriate to make them feel comfortable.

That's more of a "review" than anything connected to the OP - on arrival and leaving they were courteous but on this occasion they could have done much better. Speak to the customer, don't speak at length amongst yourselves, as if the customer isn't there.

Goto Page: 12345Next
Current Page: 1 of 5

Back to top of page
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
Donate                   Terms of use                  Help & FAQs                   Advertise               RSS rss feed