I have upset a family member on facebook. please come and tell me if i was in the wrong

[brockleybelle]

Honest opinions please.

a family member posted that they were about to watch Final Destination with their 13 year old daughter.

as a *joke* i wrote the following:

"are you having a laugh?! just looked up (place they live) social services"

he has been very upset by this and has blocked and defriended me. his wife has sent me a long email telling me how wrong i was to write such a thing. i'm personally astonished, especially as my cousin's a joker and we're often having laughs on fb.

but please, be honest with me. was i wrong? maybe i'm not looking at it correctly.

[Dopamine1979]

It depends how close you are. If he's someone you regularly have that level of banter with then he is overreacting in my opinion. If he is some distant cousin that you haven't spoken to in years then I can understand his response.

[Alan Medic]

Perhaps he is upset as you posted it on a forum where other 'friends' can read it and may not know the type of jokey relationship you have. What you need to ask yourself is why are they both being so sensitive about it? When it comes to parenting, some parents can be a bit defensive and it's not something you can joke about with them. Still I think it's an over-reaction but you obviously don't know them as well as you thought.

[Huguenot]

Sounds like there's something else going on - maybe something you don't know about?

[LadyDeliah]

It looks like they are insecure in their parenting for whatever reason, maybe they feel defensive because they have received criticism from somewhere else previously.

It's easy to feel under attack as a parent, especially if your ideas of how to parent are not totally mainstream.

I think in your position I'd just send them an appologetic explanatory email and offer them support of they are having problems, if you are normally close.

[Frankito]

On the surface of it, sounds like a huge over-reaction; it's certainly something I would do innocently without appreciating the impact. Although, looking at it from the sensitive side, with all the focus there has been these past few years on some horrible child abuse cases, reported and otherwise, I would perhaps be drawing on that as part of my reaction.

In general, I guess it is a 'good' but tough, lessson to learn re boundaries and social media...

What catches my eye is how they both reacted and the long email his wife sent.

[Ladygooner]

Pick up the phone and call them - better to sort it out that way than via the internet/email

[Otta]

When things are written, humour is often lost. Personally, I think it should have been obvious to them that you were joking, but in the past I have been surprised by people taking seemingly obvious jokes seriously.

[fruitytarts]

Huge over-reaction..quite pathetic really. Call or email to apologise (even though you don't need to) and see what happens. If they are still sulking then that's their issue and leave it at that.

[computedshorty]

I feel sorry for the Teddy Bear

[new mother]

Call today and apologise but state, for your own self respect, that you were totally joking around and had no idea they would take it badly. Something weird that you don't know about is going on but best to extricate yourself from this peripheral aspect of it asap.

[red devil]

new mother Wrote:

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> Something weird that you don't know about is going

> on...

Really?..how did you come to that conclusion?

[ibilly99]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_3E7_2rxKKj4/THwUmWHl6lI/AAAAAAAAAZg/MVQGjp2bcCI/s1600/1508849_efd4_625x1000.jpg

[Willard]

Sounds like a massive over reaction to me.

Final destination falls into the dark comedy horror genre, although the plane crash scene at the beginning is pretty vivid. It is only a 15 too, not an 18. Showing that film to a 13 year old might raise an eyebrow but its hardly shocking - hence I think your banter was totally fair enough, especially given the fact you mention you often joke together on FB. I watched much worse than that at a younger age (all be it without my parents knowing). It's not as if he was going to watch The Human Centipede, so it's hard to understand how he took your banter so seriously.

Ask his Mrs why he spat his dummy out, if there's any thing you need to be made aware of.

And then send her a link to this page.

And then report them to social services.

[jumpinjackflash]

Talking of Human Centipede..the sequel is out this week (or next)..now that is one sick film..

[janine85]

Wow.

Why did they proclaim to the world they were about to watch a film with their daughter if they didn't want any outside input on their actions?

If you don't want a comment, don't share it with all & sundry. I think Facebook is turning a large section of the population into nut jobs.

[zeban]

That's so true janine85. People do write the oddest things on their facebook pages.

[Otta]

Christ, I just looked up that Human Centipede, it sounds absolutely awful. The sequel sounds 10 times worse!

[Saffron]

Unless you have a history of calling social services on people, it's obviously a joke. Even if they did misunderstand it and take offence, once you apologise and explain it was just meant to be a bit of dark humour, they are in the wrong if they hold it against you. BUT, it may take time for them to accept this. You can't do more than apologise sincerely and whole-heartedly. Ignore any correspondence from them until the dust has well and truly settled. In the meantime, try putting a little card through their letterbox saying something like, 'Oops didn't mean to upset you, really sorry.' Even better if it's attached to a bottle of wine or a box of chocs etc. It's very plain to see that you were joking, but you'll probably have to suck it up and be the bigger person here.

Incidentally something similar has juat happened to me. My friend has now gone on holiday w/out accepting my apology! Some friend, eh? I'm feeling quite philosophical about it (after fuming around the house for 2 days!). If a bird sh1ts on your head, you don't stand under it next time you fill the seedtray. Am taking a bit of my own advice, and hope things will be different once the dust has settled. But from now on, I will keep this person at arms length and be much more guarded about what I say.

By your actions you either sink to their level or rise to your own height. Best of luck. xx

[brockleybelle]

Thank you all very much for taking the time to respond! It was a bit of a nightmare and left me feeling very anxious and unsettled (i've never fallen out with a family member before and I didn't know where it would all end). He's not a cousin I see much at all (about once a year, if that, because he's abroad) but I know him well enough to know he has a great sense of humour and that's why his response was a shock (not that i'm saying my little joke was joke-of-the-century but it didn't cross my mind for a milli-second that it would be taken in any other sense than with humour! I was left completely baffled! I certainly don't have a history of calling SS on people!). I profusely apologised (i was sincere about that, I know he isn't a nutjob (!) and perhaps I needed to eat a bit of humble pie and try to look at it from his point of view) and that was the turning point (before that, whilst I'd apologised i did a lot of fighting my own corner. well, i suppose that's understandable but it wasn't helping things!). It turned out he wasn't sure if I was serious or not and also he didn't know what his daughter's friends' parents would make of it. I can understand that. I suppose the humour might be different in the country he's in, and you just don't make jokes about SS and kids! Anyhow, it's all resolved now and I'm looking forward to seeing them all at Christmas (in my upset state, i was thinking, i'm going to have to miss out on family Christmas dinner!!! Catastrophe!).

Thanks all!

[Salsaboy]

The dangers of facebook.....

[Sue]

Salsaboy Wrote:

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> The dangers of facebook.....

xxxxx

The dangers of any form of communication where you're not face to face ...... especially anything written ......