Babysitter guilt...

[lulu]

Hello I have a 6 month old. Since she was born my husband and I have only been out once for a few hours while my parents babysat on a visit home. I have no family within the vicinity of where I live. We would like to have an evening off but because my little one is so small I can't bear the thought of leaving her with a third party. Just wanted to know if anyone had there little ones babysat and how they found it?I am greeting to stage where I need to consider this as I will need to pop into work etc over the next few months and don't have anyone I can really rely on locally.

Would appreciate any help or advice you can offer.

[oimissus]

do you have any 'mum' friends (eg NCT friends) you could start a babysitting circle with? People you trust who know you and your baby? That's what I always did. We're having our first paid babysitter next week (Miss Oi is 3.5yrs) and even then it's someone from her nursery.

[womanofdulwich]

this is very common, especially if you have come across any child abuse. My sister in law in Australia suffered attempted abuse as a child and only left her daughters with her mother in law.

She really scared me but it is extremely unlikely. A babysitting circle, especially if you say that it is only the Mums that can babysit is good- or someone elses nanny.

[canela]

some registered childminders will also do occasional babysitting in the evening.

[Strawbs]

Hi. I am exactly the same and my son is 21m old! My family is in Australia. My partner's mum will babysit for us on a Saturday night as needed but I always make sure he is asleep before I go and that I'm not out late. I can't help but feel my face should be the one he sees before he goes to bed and if there is anything wrong and he wakes up. I have a lot of anxiety over getting him babysat so I feel your pain. X

[nunheadmum]

I really would recommend trying swaps with other mum friends. They have the instincts to know what to do. Your daughter probably knows their faces by now. Yes your daughter may wake up and prefer to see you but she'll soon realise that this other person she knows isn't too bad a substitute. She won't be scarred for life.

I don't mean to be flippant. But as a mum who got her first professional babysitter this week when my eldest is 7 years old, I am truly asking myself why I didn't do it earlier. You can't always be there 24/7 - you need support. Provided you're reasonably sensible in who you chose, your daughter won't be affected and she may learn some good reassuring lessons i.e. mum can go and she will come back. (If she wakes, and doesn't sleep through like a log!)

[Bellenden Belle]

I have been blessed with in-laws close by BUT we have also used babysitters from around four months. We have very good friends in the area who babysat in return for wine and dinner.

However, Baby Belle never woke up once he went down and we made sure we a) went out after he went down and b) we stayed local and came back after a few hours.

The courage to leave him to be put to bed by someone other than granny only came this month at seventeen months. For that I used a local nanny recommended through the forum. I wanted someone experienced to do it - and didnt want to put my friends in that position if it was difficult. I'd met her previously and liked her instantly.

I think its important for parents to have a break sometimes and children are more resilient than we like to think. Choose people you trust, take small steps at a time - even a drink at a local - and don't beat yourself up.

[Didine]

Hi, I am currently using sitters.co.uk while I am learning how to drive and the babysitters are good; my baby is almost 5 month old.

You could try step by step; first going out locally once your baby is asleep and you can quickly come back if needed and then once you trust the babysitter and feel more confident, the babysitter can do the bed routine.

I must say that we still do the bed routine ourself even for the 5 months old and the 2 year old... Our kids are in bed between 7.00pm and 7.30pm so it leaves time to go out afterwards.

Also I always some instructions with the baby routine, like what to do if he cries etc.

have fun!

[Pickle]

I still struggle with this, and my eldest is 6.5! If we go out in the evenings we put the kids to bed first (they are in bed by about 7:30pm). We first went out for a quick meal when our first baby was 5 or 6 months old and used a local babysitter (in her 30's) who we have used ever since... but in all that time she's never actually met the kids as they are always in bed!

I recently used a friends nanny to look after my youngest in the park while I watched my older children in their school sports day - it was a good thing for me to have done as afterwards I could see she was perfectly happy and had a lovely time.

Try doing some swaps with Mum friends, and ask around for babysitter recommendations, there are some great ones out there. A good option is to use an au pair who works locally, they are often keen to earn a bit of extra cash on their nights off.

[lildeakin84]

Yes, I would second a Nanny or childminder. I am a full time nanny but also do a lot of babysitting. With someone who is a Childcare professional you are getting a pre existing CRB, and usually First Aid and in some cases Insurance as well. You are getting someone who knows

What to do in the event of something happening. Mummy babysitting circles are also great but a lot of responsibility to place on a friend in the event of an emergency.

What I do for the families I am newly babysitting for now is visit before the date needed so not only is mum and dad familiar with me but also the children. It definitely helps!

If you need any more advice though please don't hesitate to Pm me!

Olivia