Fussy eating!

[crystal7]

I apologise as I know there have been loads of posts on this subject in the past. However a quick search suggests they mostly concern babies and toddlers not 4 year olds!

My daughter's eating habits drive me insane. She likes a very small selection of food and doesn't really eat proper meals such as fish pie, lasagne, shepherd's pie, soup, curry, plus cheese, potatoes most sauces are also refused. She will eat fish fingers, sausages, prawns, plain pasta, plain rice, noodles,some vegetables, most fruit, breakfast cereal eggs. The only things she will eat on bread is butter! Doesn't even like cake or puddings much. It makes eating at friends' a bit embarrassing and eating out tricky.

I try to stay calm and encourage her to try things. She is actually quite willing to do this, just always says she doesn't like it. I've involved her lots in meal prep which she enjoys but it makes no difference as to whether she eats it or not. Ditto eating with friends.

She has just started school and isn't really enjoying the meals there. I'm loathe to give her a packed lunch for various reasons but it might be the next step. What are other people doing about their fussy eaters once they are no longer babies who might be teething/going through a phase etc?? Is it time to make her dinner and not provide any alternative? She is stubborn and would refuse to eat anything I think. Maybe I'm silly but I don't like the thought of her going to bed on an empty stomach. She is small for her age too, so a few nights with no tea would show!

Anyhow, tips or sympathy welcome!

[RenF]

I have no real experience with this (my daughter is younger), but a couple of things struck me reading your post

1- the list of things she will eat is not SO tiny... clearly not the most varied/exciting of diets but seems to be hitting most of the major food groups in some respects? That's not to say it isn't extremely frustrating for you obviously!

2- Is it a texture thing? The meals you describe are all quite sauce based and involve lots of things being combined. Maybe it's texture, or not being able to identify what is in each thing?

Could you 'give in' to her need for plain/separate foods at meals but put a spoonful of something a bit more exotic on her plate as a compromise to try? I really don't know what the common wisdom is with 'fussy' eaters (or those who just have a particular palate!) but it sounds like you are being hugely patient, and I like the idea of involving in food prep too. If it helps at all both my sisters were 'fussy' or particular about food, but both now eat a range of foods, enjoy different flavours etc, but remain quite stubborn about particular foods they simply won't eat. They are both healthy and enjoy eating, but just aren't that adventurous.

[etta166]

The best advice I have ever heard on this issue is to relax, give them what they want to eat at every meal time (make it as monotonous and boring as possible) and to give free access (e.g. on a second plate or the side of their plate) to the food that every one else is eating. It takes up to 20 times trying a new food before you will actually like it, apparently! It sounds like you are already doing a great job of getting her to try new things, so maybe she just needs to try them really often, with a sticker chart to monitor the progress for how many times she has tried a food and a goal of 20 times before she will magically start to like it.

I would try to avoid getting into a battleground state where she refuses to eat and you refuse to give an alternative. Keep eating as stress free as possible, don't be embarrassed about how or what she eats.

As for school, is there a consistent option that she will eat? My son has yet to try anything other than jacket potato at school, but at least there is something that he will eat on offer every day.

Good luck and just keep going the way you are.

[susyp]

I agree with RenF that the list of foods she will eat isn't that short and it isn't that unusual. She will get better. My daughter would never eat school dinners - she is 5 and i consider her an ok eater but she is fussy - no potatoes or even chips- only sausages cooked without any burnt bits on (so I can't reliably order in a restaurant or expect her to eat at someone elses house) - fish fingers only in the oven again no burnt bits - but she is steadily getting better and trying more things and it definitely helps if i don't stress about it. My one will always eat pasta in tomato sauce but in most places that is all she would eat as she doesn't eat chips which most kids meals involve! But her two best friends won't touch anything with sauce on (and for one of them that includes pizza). The only thing all 3 of them will eat is fish fingers and plain pasta and even then they all eat different vegs !

good luck!

susypx

[JulieP]

I can't offer much advice but have a fussy eater of my own who is nearly 6!

From weaning until now, we have really struggled to get him to eat any food. His list is almost identical to yours. He eats potato and no other veg at all but thankfully just about any fruit. He will not eat sauces but will have plain rice and pasta. I think it is just the way he is as he is the middle child of 2 good and adventurous eaters. He too is small and underweight for his age so I have had to give in to a certain extent to ensure he eats. Unlike your daughter, he will not even try new things unless bribed with a treat! However over the years trying different things has worked as he has eventually found new foods he loves. Despite being a fussy eater, he really enjoys the food he will eat so its not food per se that's the problem.

In terms of school dinners it has been a problem. In reception, we talked to the teachers and went through what he would eat on the menu and give them a list. They have been really good by occasionally making a cheese sandwich if there is nothing else he will eat or ensuring her has pasta without sauce. This year (y1) we have been trying to encourage him to eat more of the hot food on the menu and so far (with rewards promised for good eating and getting feedback from the teachers) he is doing well. I didn't really want to stop school dinners as I think its good for him seeing the other children trying different options.

As the others say, it can be a bit frustrating not being able to enjoy a variety of foods together but she is eating a good variety of food. I've found that going slowly as you are and trying new things works, but slowly and avoids mealtimes being a battleground.

[EmilyPie]

If it helps at all I was a hugely fussy eater for most of my childhood, with possibly an even smaller range of foods than your daughter, and will now eat almost anything and really enjoy cooking and eating, so it is not necessarily a forever thing. I try and remember this when my son turns his nose up at what I've made, although didn't stop me getting in a huff this evening when he declared that he no longer liked cheese or chicken or bread. Had to go and sit in another room so as not to strangle him!

[snowboarder]

It's hugely annoying - C7 as we have discussed my 4 yr old has a v limited menu too - pasta with pesto or cheese, sausages, ham sandwiches, pizza occassionally, apple, pear, banana, yoghurt and ice cream! He flatly refused school lunch 2 days running - and he only tried those 2 days as I knew the menu options involved macaroni cheese and pizza...so the teachers asked me to give him packed lunch!

Currently I'm going with it still. Packed lunch is at least getting eaten. He is sturdy - it's like he treats food purely as fuel rather than a pleasure. Eating out and tea dates are a pain - and he really influences his little brother who will actually eat fish pie when on his own!

Dunno what to do about it - other than leave it - just having a bit of a solidarity moan...:-)

[bonacara]

I know its not right, but I often feed my 3.5 year old little boy while I take his attention away. ( read a book, play a game at the table) this way he will eat pretty much anything, even spicy curries, stews, fish and sausy dishes, that he would otherwise not even try. I also often bribe him with a treat. Its so hard to just relax about it and leave it up to him to feed himself, because he does not eat properly, and half an hour after a meal he complains he is hungry again. I really hope this is a phase too, that they will grow out of soon..

[canela]

I can still remember being a pre-school kid and having a battlefield at mealtimes. my mum was of the "if you don't eat it for lunch you can have it for tea" school of thought. i used to dread the dinner table as so often it was something i hated and no amount of threats made me want to eat it. i just wanted to throw up. it made me really hate family mealtimes until well into late childhood - i think until i could properly talk with my mum and we could come to some agreement on a few staple meals. didn't make any difference. i am still a fussy eater - the only difference being now i have to cook for myself.

[GinaG3]

Snap! My near 5 year old daughter is exactly the same. Pasta, grated cheese, plain rice, cucumber, sweetcorn, peas, fish fingers, baked beans, pizza (although I no longer use pre-made, I use a pitta as a base to make my own), yogurt, ham, jacket potato, mango, apple, banana, pineapple, toast, jam and carrot. That the exhaustive list of her diet. I gave up a long time ago, I figure she is still eating, not starving, getting a pretty good range, not eating a load of processed junk and is happy so what the hell. Her tastes will change as she grows up, she will become more interested in things especially as I cook adventurous world foods every night. I've tried prep help and that got her eating tomato and basil sauce with her pasta 'under the disguise of pizza flavour pasta' for about 4 times, then she gave up. Last night she tried tortellini as I promised her the cheese was just inside the pasta like a present instead of outside, this resulted in dinner being 2 pieces of garlic bread, 6 slices of cucumber and 1 piece of tortellini which she apparently hated. Ho hum!

I didn't think she would eat school dinners, having just started reception but she threw the biggest tantrum at not having them to start so I did switch to them 3 days in to the term. At first she dabbled a bit, cheese and onion pasty (enjoyed), melon (hated), mashed potato (liked) but since then nothing. Every single day its 'so what did you have for lunch today?' 'baked potato and cucumber' 'how did I guess that?'. Hugely frustrating but I'm hoping seeing other children eat around her and enjoy their food will prompt her to try new foods.

I always tell her its fine to not like some things, but trying stuff is good so at least you know. We always have this conversation; Mummy doesn't like everything either, I like lots of different things because I've tried lots and lots of nice food, but I don't like fish fingers and I know that because I've tasted them lots of times, just to make sure!

[stellakis]

Hi,

I'm just serving the same old same old for dinner to my boys.

It's very frustrating indeed, however being relaxed about it is very important.

I was pointed in the direction of a website www.childfeedingguide.co.uk which has been pretty helpful.

Regards school dinners, I'm persisting as much as anything because I don't want to make the same fail safe packed lunch every morning. I ask my son to at least try the school dinners, and something new every evening meal. If I'm happy with his progress I reward him with a packed lunch on a Thursday.

I also try and explain the benefits of each food group, the most successful phrase being, "eating such and such (protein food for instance) makes you stronger".

I printed the eatwell plate too.

Good luck everyone!