Work/Life balance dilemma

[sugarmouse]

Hello, I wondered what anyone else would do in this situation. Any thoughts welcome!

After having my two kids, I did a bit of a career change and got a part-time job in the NHS, working 9-5 three days a week. It's not very highly qualified or well paid but I absolutely love it and could happily do it for another five years or so. In short, it's ideal with small-ish children but....

A part of me feels I should be pushing myself harder and going on to qualify in the higher-skilled (and better paid) area of this job. It would be three years of full time training - with all the childcare and stress that would involve. But it would really challenge me and would mean I'd be well qualified by the age of 40 (I'm nearly 36 now).

Should I stick with what I've got and enjoy time with my 4 and 6 year old? Or should I take the plunge and retrain sooner rather than later? Part of me worries that if I retrain when they're a bit older, they'll resent me for being so busy when they're at secondary school. Has anyone else done intensive retraining with kids of any age? If so, would you recommend it??

Thanks!

[SE22mum]

for me the decision would ultimately be financial. if you are doing ok as you are, it sounds as if you have a pretty perfect situation with a part-time job that you absolutely love....

but obviously you would be able to make it work either way. there would be complications around childcare at whatever age you decide to retrain...though they might be more complicated when they are younger?

what you don't say is whether or not you would be able to go back to part time work once you qualify, or whether you would permanently move into full time?

sounds like a good situation either way.....

[sugarmouse]

Financially we're doing ok - happy with our very old car and one British holiday a year. Not luxury but enough - for now, anyway! Once I qualified, I probably could work part time, it's just the three years' training which would be very full on.

Still thinking. Another factor is that my husband's job is very long hours at the moment and not sure that adding another stress in is a good idea. Thanks for the reply though, SE22mum!

[Pugwash]

I took redundancy at the age of 40 and had a 4 year old daughter. I went to university and did 3 years BSc and then 2 years for a professional qualification. I was hard going at times, midnight assignment writing etc. Hubby was supportive. As I was the main breadwinner, it was tough financially. I qualified in my profession and now earn over twice as much as I did originally. I could earn more if I went for promotion but have been senior management with responsibility for budgets and staffing in my previous life, and cannot be bothered with all that hassle again.

Advantage was that with the exception of half terms, I had all the school holidays off for 5 years.

[sillywoman]

If you are happy now, then I would say enjoy your time with your children. It passes so very quickly. You can always return to the full time training when they're older. In the meantime, if you know the career path you'd like to take in future, maybe you could look at getting some other, less intensive but related, qualifications in that area to update your skills and make you a more desirable candidate later?

[????]

but I absolutely love it and could happily do it for another five years or so

There's your answer

[Grotty]

What kind of hours will the training involve? If its mostly 9-5 Monday to Friday then with both kids in school thats not too disruptive. Granted you will have to work in the evenings/study for exams/do occasional odd shifts over nights and weekends, but you should still get weekday mornings and evenings with your kids? I am qualified but still have continuous studying - I will be doing exams for the next 7 years, so we have many stressful periods and I miss out on things with the kids occasionally that makes me feel rubbish. But most of the mums I know who work feel like that from time to time anyway. In 5 years time you will be qualified, stimulated, rewarded and never be wondering what if. you'll also be able to be back to working part-time. Time passes so quickly that you will get there before you know it.

I had an interesting conversation with a woman at work recently who has teenage children and she made the point that younger kids adapt really well, which in my experience is definitely true. But she felt that older kids often resent a parents absence more. If you are trying to decide whether to do it now or put it off until later, you may end up feeling later that its an even more difficult decision.

Personally, if its something that makes you feel excited and you would do it if it wasn't for kids I say do it. There is absolutely no harm in starting it and if its disastrous then accepting its too hard, but you won't be wondering what if.

It won't be easy and you definitely have to accept that your ability to study/concentrate will be markedly reduced, but if its something that you really love doing/learning about, it will be worth it. And long term it will be something your kids would surely be proud of too?

Good luck - difficult decision.

[Otta]

You're the same sort of age as me. We are going to be working until we are at least 70. Plenty of time to do this later on.

And I could be wrong, but I don't think secondary school kids are likely to resent you for being busy, I'd much rather that than miss out on these earlier years.

[Saffron]

Otta Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> You're the same sort of age as me. We are going to

> be working until we are at least 70. Plenty of

> time to do this later on.

>

I've also been thinking of doing some retraining/additional training. I've thought about whether or not to do it now or put if off a few years. I totally get where you're coming from, re working till we're 70! I'm just wondering if 10 years down the line I'm actually going to have enough brain cells left to do any additional training after the sleep deprivation of the last few years?!

> And I could be wrong, but I don't think secondary

> school kids are likely to resent you for being

> busy, I'd much rather that than miss out on these

> earlier years.

See the thread on teenagers, heehee.

[Otta]

I'm not suggesting waiting 10 years, but 5 sounds about right given the kids ages. I've not read the teenagers thread, but I was thinking as I wrote that most teenagers will resent their parents about plenty of stuff, I doubt that studying will be top of their list. I'd have loved it if my mum had been busy studying and off my back! ;-)

[Bellenden Belle]

I am only speaking from experience here - others will no doubt manage their workload better than me.

For a year after my little one was born I worked a fairly untaxing job. I was good at it, I worked very relaxed hours and days and whilst nothing challenged me, it paid feel.

That guilt of 'I should/ could be doing more' nagged away at me. So I moved. Convinced an employer I could do five days work in four days and took a job at a very ambitious high profile charity.

Worst move ever. I feel I am not doing justice to either home or work, I miss my kid having pretty much given up pick ups and drop offs and today, his birthday, I'm on my way to a trustee meeting.

It's a miserable existence. If you can afford to not push yourself then take that option. Life is too short.

[sugarmouse]

Bellenden Belle, thanks so much for sharing that, I really feel for you. I do feel sad at the thought of giving up ALL pick-ups and drop-offs. Plus my childminder has just given me two months' notice which makes me realise how precarious childcare is. That's another reason to wait till they're a bit older...

Thanks again for all the comments, veering towards leaving it for another few years but will let you know if I ever decide for definite!

[Grotty]

Can you study part-time?

[newtoedf]

Is it worth finding out how much actual face-time is required before deciding? I've recently started studying full-time and my kids are similar ages to yours. However, I don't need to be in any particular place to study a lot of the time, which means that I am able to do drop-offs 5 days a week and pick-ups 3 days a week so it's fitting in very well with the kids. I have also found that having worked in fairly high-pressure jobs for many years, I am so much more organised and focussed than most of the others on my course who don't have kids so I don't feel like I'm not giving it as much as they are. I study most evenings but I really enjoy what I'm doing so it's no hardship. I have a good and very reliable and flexible childminder too which helps a lot.

[sugarmouse]

No, part-time study is not possible. I'm sure I'd be able to squeeze in some pick ups and drop-offs but would probably need to pay for five days' childcare anyway as I won't know what my study patterns would be month to month so would need the back up. I like your suggestion - Sillywoman - to do some less taxing but still-stimulating qualifications in the meantime. Not Silly at all!

[sillywoman]

Maybe not so silly ;), but definitely with Saffron on the dying brain cells front. I do struggle with being an - ahem - 'older' returner. The sheer joy of doing what I'm meant to be doing, and the exhilaration of learning new stuff (albeit rather slower than the younger ones in my Uni cohort) makes up for that though. I'm glad I was able to have time in a less taxing job when my children were younger. BellendenBelle - That's such a sad post, and I think you're very brave to post so honestly about your situation. At the risk of pointing out the bleeding' obvious - can you maybe go back to what you were doing before?

[canela]

mine would be another vote for keeping things simple when kids are small... I know that when I went back to full time work it definately had a knock-on effect on my parenting skills, mostly that I just seem to have less patience now. I also find that the more hectic schedule of needing to get to childcare on time, worry about the holidays etc makes it feel during the week as if sometimes all my parenting is just getting things done rather than enjoying the journey.

everyone is different though. I have friends who much prefer working full time to doing child care. I think if you are going to study something that really inspires you and that you really want/need to do now, then this would give you the energy to get through it. Personally I would stick with what sounds like an ideal situation.

[Cament]

from my peresonal viewpoint, the chance to work your favorite job is very precious, not everyone can do that. For your children, I think that if you work outside, your children will have another reason to be proud of their mother for not only loving them but working hard for raising them too

[Otta]

Just wanted to add that I have found myself in a position where I am in a job I'm not all that happy with, but can't afford to take a pay cut. Recently I have seen 2 wonderful sounding roles that I would absolutely enjoy, but both would have meant a 3 - 5k drop in pay, and that would make a massive difference to us, and I can't do it.

So, if you're in a job you love, and you're managing financially, you are in a very good position, and should enjoy it whilst you can!

[sillywoman]

Apply Otta. If you get interviewed/offered you can tell them you need and extra 3K to make it work. They'll say yes or no. If 'yes' then it's a win-win. If 'no' then you've lost nothing but the hope for that particular job, and you never know they might come back to you in future if things change. Take the chance - g'waan . . .

[Bellenden Belle]

Whilst I am clearly not the best person to give career advice I would absolutely agree with Sillywoman's statement below. I have negotiated upwards before (including in my current role) - the trick is to get them to want you.

And Sillywoman - your comment about going back to my old job is a fair point. I am thinking about it - my role no longer exists there due to a restructure, but they have approached me and asked me to return in a freelance capacity. If I can find a small job that can offer a little bit of security alongside freelance work, I may have a solution.

sillywoman Wrote:

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> Apply Otta. If you get interviewed/offered you can

> tell them you need and extra 3K to make it work.

> They'll say yes or no. If 'yes' then it's a

> win-win. If 'no' then you've lost nothing but the

> hope for that particular job, and you never know

> they might come back to you in future if things

> change. Take the chance - g'waan . . .

[Otta]

Would you discuss it first, or just go to the interview and wait until you'd been offered the role? It seems a bit dishonest to do that, and within Local ASuthorities, a role is created at a certain grade, it's not a case of the manager just deciding to shift it up a grade, so I don't know that it's possible...

I'll have another look though to see if I've missed the deadline or not...

[EmilyPie]

Otta, I would probably talk to the person advertising the vacancy, ask a bit more about the role, tell them how excited/passionate you are about the role, tell them you think you're a strong candidate but can't afford a pay cut and if you applied and were successful is there any flexibility for matching your current salary. Even in public sector there is sometimes more flexibility than you think. If not you'll still have had a useful conversation and can always ask them to let you know if anything comes up in the future.

[Saila]

I row

Ie 'lean-out' as much as I can get away with, then 'lean-in' but only when I absolutely have to.