Dummy help please!

[curiousgeorge11]

Hello forumites,

I'm looking for a bit of help with dummy (soother/pacifier whatever you want to call it) help. My son is 4 months old and hooked on his dummy. He needs it to go to sleep, and starting at about 3 am needs it pretty much hourly to get back to sleep. I don't have a problem with him using a dummy to fall asleep at 7pm as that happens quickly and easily, and I don't mind him having it during the day for comfort, but the constant up and down at night is slowly sapping me of much needed energy. So my question, do I have to go all or nothing with the dummy? I'm not opposed to crying it out, but don't want to be getting him to cry it out at one point in the night if it won't take because he still uses it at other times. I should add that I am feeling pressed for time to sort this as my sons (my oldest son is 22 months) will be sharing a room starting next week due to visitors over the summer.

Any help/advice/experiences is much appreciated!

Thank you!

Kate

[CocoC]

Hi Kate

Sorry to hear of your dummy woes! We had lots of sleep problems with our now seven month old and I'm not ashamed to say I threw cash at the problem and in doing so received a lot of advice from sleep consultants, from endless books, websites, forums etc... Ours wasn't dummy related but I can pretty much say categorically that everything I read during that time advised an all-or-nothing approach to dummies (e.g. take the dummy away entirely) if the baby was unable to find their own dummy in the night and replace it himself. My NCT friend went through a pretty hellish week of enforcing the no-dummy-rule during day time and night time sleep but then it was problem solved. Good luck in whatever you choose to do - I understand how draining disrupted sleep can be...

[CFM]

I used a dummy with my 3, but only the first was hooked (and then went cold turkey, sending the dummy to 'dummy land' at 20 months, in exchange for a present of his choice, a pink ukelele) - the trick is to use it to settle the baby/calm them down in the evening, but not to let them fall asleep with it in their mouth. Best to avoid using it in the day if you can, though it can be such a godsend for really "sucky" babies. Good luck.

(Edited to say you should TOTALLY throw money at the problem if you get stuck - best you will ever spend!)

[popsy]

We werent brave/patient enough to go cold turkey....

Im sure youve tried this, but we found putting loads of dummies in the cot helped as he could always find one close to hand. Also cot bumpers (we got breathable ones from John lewis which meant they stayed in the cot. From about 4-6 months we really limited day time usage and now at nearly 2.5 he only has it to sleep, but doesn't always need it.

In fact although im really pleased he seems to be weening himself off it now, also a bit annoying because it used to be a way of guaranteeing he'd fall asleep if tired or stop crying if on bus/in car etc. Now it doesnt work, so have to put up with car journeys of him crying for ages when he's too tired!

[Tr?]

We did cold turkey and it worked. Our first had his dummy until he was 3 and we were very nervous about taking it away. But when we did we only had one night of tears and then he was all good. So we were emboldened to try the same on our 5 month old and it was similarly easy. We didn't use any special technique or words, just a little extra TLC during the first night or two.

All to say that, if you're lucky like us, it might not be the nightmare you think.

[cornelia]

No personal experience with dummies (though definitely sleep issues!) but just wanted to link you to http://www.nhs.uk/news/2012/09September/Pages/Controlled-crying-safe-for-babies.aspx because 4 months may be a little early for cry it out - research mentioned in the link has only looked at this from 7 months.

Don't recall exactly but I understand in the first 6 months the baby's cortisol levels are still being set - I read about this research in Sue Gerhardt's book (Why love matters).

Good luck with all of it! ISIS online is also useful. Link: https://www.isisonline.org.uk/about/

[Piaf]

Hey there

My oldest had a dummy for only a few weeks when under four months and then we got her on to a cuddly bunny instead (which she still has to have to sleep aged 4!)

My youngest now 14 mths has a dummy and is reliant on it and I have to say with no 2 it has been a godseNd as it has really helped soothing and training to sleep etc

I have mixed feelings about them and think I may have made a rod for my own back as I don't really like her having it in the day and certainly not when she reaches 2 but on balance it has made life a lot easier. Really the issue for me is removing during the day and fears that it might hinder speech etc but so far hasn't.

We had the problem during the night and I was up a lot replacing dummy especially when she would start throwing them. We got round it by having lots of dummies there and more recently by dummy clips (they are not long so no danger issues) which has solved the issue as well as the fact that they do grow out of needing them if they wake in the night.

So, a personal choice I think but if you do go the 'give in, life is too short when you have two to cope with'(!) then I recommend the dummy clips and also that the dummy run phase at night does pass! Good luck with whatever you decide!

[ludoscotts]

Hi both of mine had dummies but we were strict and kept it to only sleeping/ falling asleep. Only exception to the rule was if they were sick and needed comfort.

We had the same problem and we used cot bumpers to stop them falling between the bars and also I tied a muslin square into a little pouch into the corner of the cot and put a few spares in there. Then when when cried instead of just giving the dummy back I would take their hand and lead them to the dummy store in the corner to get one themselves. After a couple of nights it was solved and they had got used to just reaching into the same place each time they needed one.it did mean they needed about 5 in there before I went to bed but it meant that I got some sleep.

My friend used this trick after our success and it worked for her too.

We allowed them to have the dummies until they were 2 and 3/4 then did cold turkey,got them to gather up all their dummies and put them in a bag for the dummy fairy which we hung on their bedroom door and in the morning there was a present waiting, they went to sleep the first night fine, think one of them woke once and had a bit if a cry but was fine once we reminded them the dummy fairy had taken them, it's not as bad as you expect once they are old enough to understand. Think it would be harder with younger children. Good luck

[curiousgeorge11]

Thank you to everyone for your replies, they are very helpful and comforting! For those whose children found the dummies themselves, at approximately what age were they able to start doing that? We've been doing ok do far today without but it is the night time I'm worried about....

Thank you again!

Kate

[Ole]

We went cold turkey too at about 9 months. I think little Ole started finding his own dummy from about 6-7 months. Over the following month or so he found that if he threw it over the cot we would get up endless times to fetch it back for him. He then realised that if he had 5 dummys in the cot it was 5x the fun.

[patt1980]

My first was a dummy addict and we got her a Sleepytot (comforter you can attach dummies too) at abour 4/5 months and she learnt to put it back in pretty quickly. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sleepytot-SLE-SM-C-Bunny/dp/B001FXDUB2 she kept this till 2 1/2 when the dummies went to the dummy fairy and she kept the comforter.

Saying that we went cold turkey to get rid of the dummy at 7 months with my now 9 month old as he was having other sleep issues that whilst weren't caused by the dummy it wasn't helping wit and it wasn't too bad but i do miss being able to offer him that comfort when he's poorly etc

[minimac]

Are you still feeding him at night? My second boy is the same age and I tried him on the dummy when v little but when he was hungry he kept spitting it out. When they wake repeatedly ie sleep then wake again quickly like half hourly or hourly it is because they are hungry not because they need dummy. I found this out myself after trying the sooth pat technique after speaking to a sleep consult and dummy rejected for last couple of months. Anyway, I gave in fed him and he always went straight back to sleep. Felt a lot less tired and more human instantly! Just because he may have done some nights without a feed doesn't mean he doesn't need it on other nights as I slowly worked out! Might be worth a try for you as dealing with another child whilst bog tired is hard work!

[ludoscotts]

Mine began to find themselves once I showed them the dummy corner at about 6 months I think

[hpsaucey]

cornelia Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> No personal experience with dummies (though

> definitely sleep issues!) but just wanted to link

> you to

> http://www.nhs.uk/news/2012/09September/Pages/Cont

> rolled-crying-safe-for-babies.aspx because 4

> months may be a little early for cry it out -

> research mentioned in the link has only looked at

> this from 7 months.

>

> Don't recall exactly but I understand in the first

> 6 months the baby's cortisol levels are still

> being set - I read about this research in Sue

> Gerhardt's book (Why love matters).

>

> Good luck with all of it! ISIS online is also

> useful. Link: https://www.isisonline.org.uk/about/

Can I also add on to the lovely gentle advice above, that current guidance advises not taking away a dummy once use has been established until a bit older - gently withdrawing it after 6 months or so. Its a controversial area of research looking at SIDS/dummy use/feeding method etc. I've attached an NCT leaflet summarising fairly recent research for those interested. Personal opinion but I've always wondered what's wrong with a bit of self-soothing. Babies have very little control over much of their environment. Personally wish mind had found his thumb for a bit - no grubbing around in the dark for a dummy...

HP

[CocoC]

Hi Minimac

I have to disagree with you here - if they are waking half hourly/ hourly it isn't because they are hungry - they are using you as a dummy instead of an actual dummy! This was essentially the root of my DD's sleep issues. Mind you, it's null and void if you're happy to feed to resettle them - many are, I wasn't.

minimac Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Are you still feeding him at night? My second boy

> is the same age and I tried him on the dummy when

> v little but when he was hungry he kept spitting

> it out. When they wake repeatedly ie sleep then

> wake again quickly like half hourly or hourly it

> is because they are hungry not because they need

> dummy. I found this out myself after trying the

> sooth pat technique after speaking to a sleep

> consult and dummy rejected for last couple of

> months. Anyway, I gave in fed him and he always

> went straight back to sleep. Felt a lot less tired

> and more human instantly! Just because he may have

> done some nights without a feed doesn't mean he

> doesn't need it on other nights as I slowly worked

> out! Might be worth a try for you as dealing with

> another child whilst bog tired is hard work!

[Saffron]

The parent is not a 'dummy'. The parent is the original on which the dummy is modelled!

[bluesuperted]

^^ yes to Saffron's point, so true.

Second reading Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt re cortisol in newborn/infant. Fascinating and important book.

[minimac]

Hi CocoC - yes I totally agree with what you say about being a human dummy to constantly feed to settle - what I meant by feeding was baby being asleep from beginning of evening through to 3/4 ish then waking up without dummy in, so dummy gets popped back in rather than fed. Then the in/out game starts of dummy but actually what baby needs is a feed then dummy back in if necessary then baby will settle. In essence my point is that baby should be fed first before being settled as the feed should settle baby. Well this was my experience anyway!

[CocoC]

Yes saffron, quite right, I didn't phrase that very well.

[Saffron]

Small babies, they're tricky, no? You gotta love 'em. Except sometimes you just want them to go to SLEEEEEEEEEP!

Four months is far too young to expect most babies to make it through a long sleep without a night feed (though there's plenty of individual variation of course). Four months is also too young for controlled crying. Research has suggested that below 6 months cc is not effective and can be detrimental to leave babies of this age crying for long periods. Dr Christopher Green, one of originators of cc did not recommend this method for babies under 6 months.

It's definitely worth trying for a good feed at the first serious waking. Then you might use some of Elizabeth

Pantley's gentle techniques for encouraging Baby to fall asleep with less use of a dummy. Techniques were designed to wean Baby off breast feeding to sleep, but you could modify them for a dummy.

Good luck! xx

[hpsaucey]

Saffron Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Small babies, they're tricky, no? You gotta love

> 'em. Except sometimes you just want them to go to

> SLEEEEEEEEEP!

>

> Four months is far too young to expect most babies

> to make it through a long sleep without a night

> feed (though there's plenty of individual

> variation of course). Four months is also too

> young for controlled crying. Research has

> suggested that below 6 months cc is not effective

> and can be detrimental to leave babies of this age

> crying for long periods. Dr Christopher Green, one

> of originators of cc did not recommend this method

> for babies under 6 months.

>

> It's definitely worth trying for a good feed at

> the first serious waking. Then you might use some

> of Elizabeth

> Pantley's gentle techniques for encouraging Baby

> to fall asleep with less use of a dummy.

> Techniques were designed to wean Baby off breast

> feeding to sleep, but you could modify them for a

> dummy.

>

> Good luck! xx

Agreed - 4 months far too early for thinking about 'controlled crying' - sure there's another phrae for it, but after a G&T I can't think of it. But - don't try weaning off a dummy - i.e. cold turkey - IF you've established it until 6 months earliest ...

I fed mine to sleep and accepted the pros and cons that this came with.Knew I was both providing food/comfort with this. Didn't know about the 4th Trimester theory at the time, but it makes sense.

[CocoC]

Ah right minimac, I'm with you now! Completely agree with you and other posters that night feeding once or twice is absolutely necessary in younger babies. It's just my little madam wanted to feed to settle every 45 mins to 1.5 hrs! I was broken...!

[Saffron]

Cluster feeding can sometimes be the result of sleep regression before a developmental leap, a physical growth spurt, or teething.

For this age, look for shush-patting techniques to resettle after the night feed, and when Baby is older you can combine this with a milk to water fade technique when she will take a bottle or sippy cup.

I managed to get down from 6+ wakings a night to a more manageable (but still tiring!) 2 to 3 wakings per night with these techniques, but my daughter is an exceptionally difficult sleeper. xx

[curiousgeorge11]

Hi again,

I just wanted to say once again thank you to everyone for your advice, opinions and experiences. We have had a successful week in removing the dummy from our lives, with surprisingly little resistance. I also now realise how much my little one loves to sleep on his own in his cot during the day! He goes down with little to no fuss whereas me trying to sleep next to him or with him on me had recently become difficult - I think it is just not physically as comfortable for him, in a addition to him being so aware of his surroundings, and therefore needing quiet and darkness. I don't want to weigh in too much on the controlled crying debate, but will say that from my experience with both my first and second baby, how happy they were when they were able to have long uninterrupted stretches of sleep. My first continued to need to be fed throughout the night until over a year, whereas this baby has been perfectly happy with sleeping long stretches from the beginning. We have had odd nights here and there where he clearly needed to be fed at night and of course I am more than happy to oblige, but I also feel comfortable in knowing when he simply needed comfort or some help in getting back to sleep. Parenting is the most difficult job there is, and despite the abundance of instruction manuals, rarely does one work perfectly! Thanks again to everyone, and here is to happy, sleeping babies!!! Kate