Starting school tips from mums who've been there

[JJSP]

Hi all,

So my daughter starts school in September - eek. It feels like a huge new chapter is about to start and I'm excited although also a bit sad (especially since she was born a week early on August 28th, and so had she been on time we'd have another whole year to go).

There are loads of you who've done all this before. What are your tips for the first year? I'm thinking everything from what do you do for the after school routine? To what are the best name-tags? To how do you stop your child losing every item of school uniform in the first term? Plus the big stuff too, like what's the best way to support your child's learning? What do you do if you're worried about bullying or unhappiness? And how to best deal with issues with the school if they come up?

I suspect the collective wisdom on this subject from this forum would put a professional think-tank to shame. And I presume this may have been done before, so if all you post is 'sigh, look at this thread' I will still be hugely grateful.

Jane

[JDR]

Always take snacks! They are always hungry when they come out. Play dates with new friends but first few weeks they'll be exhausted from the days so probably just home and let them recover. Good luck to you both

[sanity girl]

Yes agree that the most important thing is snacks after school - the meltdowns when I forgot - horrendous! I never bother with name tags - just write with biro on the washing labels.

[katgod]

Many reception age children do not have formal PE lessons so won't be getting changed so only coats and cardigans/jumpers need labelling. Biro has never stayed on long enough for me and Sharpie permanaent ink bleeds so I go for sew in name labels on key items only.

Remember it is not like nursery and you are not going to get 'feedback' in detail on what they have been doing all day (especaily important if your child is moving from private daycare type nursery). If you are unclear/uncertain ask to speak to the teacher or the TA - the TA is there in class with the teacher and may well be the 'face' you see at pick up.

good luck

[etta166]

Katgod made an important point. It is not like nursery, mainly because of the number of children to staff. Your child needs to be independently able to do things for themself like put on their clothes, shoes, coat, hat etc. They will be responsible for their book bag, books and work. They do have to be a bit more grown-up than you'd think.

The amazing thing is, they all seem adapt very quickly to what is expected of them.

As for not losing things, I like the sew in name times because they stay put and you can re-use them year after year. Label everything, especially shoes, coats, hats, gloves, jumpers etc. I know some children who have even managed to lose undderwear... I also labelled my son's bike helmet etc. Bear in mind that the labelling is so you can identify things in the lost property bin, not for someone else to re-unite you with your lost property :)

[Belle]

I get the sticker type name labels - think they're from labels4u or similar, v reasonable. I like them as you can stick them on to pack lunch items etc as well.

[theelms]

Prep in advance to get kids thinking about school - sublimal messaging... gets them prepared

Read books - really great and pretty spot on in terms of routine - starting school, caryn Jenner.

Highly recommend role plays to get her used to idea of why school will be like and how it differs from nursery - , new people and new routine, rules etc. Swap who is kid and teacher / great for planting the reality without having to spell it out in words. So many new things like having to ask to go to toilet, putting up hands for questions, carrying tray etc at lunchtime, introducing yourself to make new friends.... I found it great and prepared g well. She def wasn't in as much shock as some of our friends so barley spoke to their kids about what school would be like.

To avoid the morning stress and yelling as much as possible I found that having them dressed before they go downstairs for breakfast the best. Leaving teeth and face washing to do afterwards - do it downstairs. And keep doors to play room closed until they have everything ready to go, if time to spare before you have to leave. A good incentive for getting ready.

Avoid if at all possible after school clubs/activities for first term as most of the kids are deliriously tired (psychotic) come 3pm... Use the time to have a weekly playdate instead as helps build new friendships.

Don't be shocked if you find your child is ready for bed by 6 in the first few weeks.

Get her practicing getting dressed, doing shoes, turning things inside out etc so she can do this quickly for PE ETC

Also suggest shoes are Velcro until she can do buckles quickly

Make sure she recognizes her name labels, shoes etc

Labels - www.labels4kids.com - Stikins? New Stick on Clothing Labels. Fabulous - not one has come off in the washing machine or dishwasher all year! Much easier than ironing or stitching and work amazing on water bottles, bags etc too. You will be very smug with these.

Get a book bag keyring - helps to identify her bag amongst the sea of identical school bags so she doesn't bring the wrong one home (remember, you will be in playground, so will no longer be able to gather up correct belongings at the end of the day!).

Good luck, hope this was useful

[Belle]

labels4kids, that's the one!

[SE22mum]

I think the main thing is to cut your kid some slack that first term, even the first year. They get really tired and need a lot of down time when they get home. Be prepared for some moodiness at home and try not to react too much. Your child has been on her best behaviour all day long, and sometimes they just need to let it out.

Never, ever pick your child up from school without a snack in the bag if needed. This crucial detail makes or breaks the day.

Allow yourself extra time for the journey to school so you don't have to stress about being late.

Don't worry about homework, reading practice etc unless they are keen to do it. Sometimes they need to do something completely different, like run around in the park, garden.

Choose one day a week as playdate day. It's plenty enough for the first term!

[Norfolkvillas]

Am finding this thread extremely helpful - big thanks for all of these excellent tips!

[JJSP]

Yes, thanks all: really interesting.

Do people do TV as down time after school? I quite like the idea of sitting down and doing some reading together for half an hour or so but am wondering whether that's actually just going to be too much after a day's learning and whether half an hour's TV is a bit more of a break? Or something else activity wise?

And snacks, what are we talking? An apple? Crackers? Something more substantial? This as well as a proper tea later on I suppose?

I love the idea of role-playing stuff: that's brilliant. And she's really into imaginative play anyway, so shouldn't be hard to persuade her. I can see her little brother's life becoming all about being told what to do by the 'teacher' for some months to come. Still I suppose that'll mean he's very prepared by the time he gets there.

The school have said they don't have specific PE lessons in reception, as they'll be doing loads of free play outside etc. Does this mean they won't have to routinely get changed? She's doing ok on the getting dressed front, but does get a bit frustrated on occasion.

All the tips here are brilliant - thanks so much.

Jane

[SE22mum]

I think take the lead from her on down time. TV can be a really good break, or playing on her own. My son sometimes just sits in the garden looking at the fish. Most important thing is to let her have some unplanned time as she's had a fully programmed day of activities.

Big snack. To be honest, we can only hold out for tea at about 4:30. They just come home ravenous.

[katgod]

Correct, coat and cardigan on and off all that is needed for many reception classes. Milk and biscuits here after school. Then cooked meal later- despite them all having had a cooked lunch.

Chat about the day- some days get full commentary other days nothing. Bit of quiet playing, TV, board game anything that requires little effort. You reading child a story good, you trying to get them to read likely to be bad, unless they want to impress you with new skills. They are all different though. Won't necessarily be tantrums and exhaustion. Many are totally ready and very happy. Mine have been tired but not excessively so. No 6 o'clock bedtimes for sure.

[EmilyE]

Plan on nothing extra, and I reckon that includes weekends. And don't be horrified if behaviour becomes diabolical. My angel daughter became devil child for a couple of weeks before the first half term, though luckily I reclaimed her after the first half term! I think it can just be an awful lot to take on, clearly not for all children, but for many, and especially the younger ones.

[Belle]

I wouldn't worry too much re changing clothes. I think all schools vary re PE but particularly if your school has said they're not going to do it formally, it doesn't sound like they'll be changing - and if they did have to, they should give you warning. With reception kids I get the feeling a fair amount of them take a lot of time/need help with changing so don't worry about your daughter in that respect, if it does happen.

Snacks - absolutely. I *try* to keep mine healthy except on Fridays when it's more treat time, but it depends what I have to hand and I'm very lenient when it comes to the definition of healthy! I went through a phase in the first term when I realised not having a substantial enough snack was what was causing meltdowns a little later in the day, so I started taking nutella sandwiches in every pickup. He's bored of them now but that tided us over for a good term or so!

I still find my son can be an absolute nightmare after school at times. It wasn't till I'd talked to a few teacher friends/my mum (who was a teacher) that I fully understood this. They spend the whole day trying to conform, doing what they're told, following new rules. It's only at home that all the reaction/natural tendency to break rules (if it's there) can come out. I'm not saying this has meant I've always handled it in a saint-like manner but it definitely helped me cope with it! Having said all this I know scores of kids who are really good during AND after school so it does just depend on the child.

I'd also say - don't be shy about asking the teacher/TA things. Don't worry about being branded a pushy /bossy parent. Better that you know what is going on. I was far too reticent in this respect in reception and really regret it.

[AnnaCBH]

This is all so helpful, thank you for starting this thread JJSP and all for contributing!

[clare]

And don't get into competetive parenting ! Remember that some of the children will just have passed their 4th birthday and some will be almost 5. Schools are used to this of course but sometimes we over anxious parents can try to hot house when we really don't need to.

[standswithfist]

I used the labels4kids and they have been fantastic and not come out in the wash (and my washing machine is constantly on the go!).

Also the snacking - oh my word its like they become bottomless pits where food is concerned.

I tried the whole - lets read a book together after school to chill out and it was a nightmare. As someone else said earlier they have been doing things all day quite regimented they just need to let off steam when they get home. TV helped for a bit and in the good weather she has been out all the time playing. letting off steam.

And definately definately ask your teachers questions if you are stuck/unsure and don't take no for an answer and don't let them make you think you are being pushy. I'm so glad i pushed and pushed - cause no one else will get that info for you.

good luck! and go easy on yourself too. I missed my daugher so much i cried on the first and second day but before I knew it it was time to pick her up! Its change all round!

[Katiesa]

Hi all, great thread as my eldest boy is starting in a couple of weeks and I must admit I am anxious about it. Just a quick question for all of you who have brought from labels for kids. What package/set did you buy? There seems to be lots of choice and like all of us I guess I want to make sure I've got enough labels for all the clothes, bags and water bottle etc that will be needed. Is the press and click pack the one? And do they really just press on to the clothes?

Also have yet to invest in the uniform as was waiting to see if the school choice changed, it hasn't, what would you recommended for a boy? Would two pairs of trousers, a few white tops, a school jumper and shorts/t-shirt/plimsolls for p.e be enough?

Thank you in advance

[srisky]

Great thread, thanks for all the advice and tips!

Any suggestions for snacks at pick up times? All the Organix type snacks are i) expensive over a school year and ii) not very filling. School will be packed lunch so sandwiches twice in a day would be a bit much. The only thing I can think of is a banana....hmmmm, I need inspiration, please!!

[CAROANTY]

My daughter is similarly not yet four - ater this week, and was born 2 1/2 weeks early, so likewise only just snuck into this year group. Guess it's probably not uncommon, but do wish we could hold onto her a little longer before she starts school.

Am guessing After School clubs not a good idea to start with, because of tiredness? Was contemplating a couple of days a week, as work part time. Any views on this?

[Belle]

I sometimes take those chocoloate brioche you can get cheaply from the co-op etc, prob not the healthiest but in my warped logic somehow better than a chocolate bar!

I take strawberries when I'm picking my boys up from the childminder, but can work out quite expensive. After school though my feeling is he needs the carb hit. There are quite a few cereal bars you can get quite cheaply esp from pound shops etc. Tracker bars go down well with my 2, or some of the cereal brands - I think Jordans do one?

Re uniform - kind of depends on how messy you're child is. I've kept buying more throughout the year as find we get through a top a day, and most days a pair of trousers a day too. More than once me or my husband could be found hastily baby wiping yesterday's shorts/trousers in a panic on school mornings :) Prob best as mentioned to start with just a few of each and buy up more as and when you need (schools do second hand uniform sales, we got loads of school branded tops/t-shirts this way). We didn't need plimsolls until the summer term for PE and even then my son just took in his trainers so I never bothered.

[snowboarder]

I wouldn't get too fixated on the snack thing - we only have a very short walk home and I've never taken a snack, nor has my little boy ever asked for one - we just have some milk and fruit/biscuits etc when we get in which helps with a bit of a wind down. We also never seemed to suffer from extreme tiredness etc - it all just seemed to be a fairly normal transition from pre school (he used to do 5 mornings).

Re uniform - I'm a bit rubbish at keeping on top of the washing and so we have loads - started with 5 polo shirts and 3/4 pairs of shorts though, with 2 sweatshirts, fleece and pe kit. I soon added another 3/4 plain polo shirts!

the thing I find the hardest to keep on top of is the continual letters home about important dates, trips, dress up days, own clothes days etc - it makes my head spin and I live in fear of forgetting whats going on. I have a chaotic magnetic fridge display of school stuff....I don't recommend it!

[srisky]

Cereal bars - brilliant idea! Definitely know what you mean about the carb hit. Thanks :)

I'm not worried about tiredness, as she does 8-6 at nursery 4 days/wk but she does eat a lot and nursery do give snacks/ light meal around 3 so it's very likely she would be hungry then. It just never occurred to me until it was mentioned on this thread.

I do have an excessive amount of second hand uniform to avoid laundry stress, well that's the idea anyway!

[Belle]

There was a good tip on here a while back on the thread I think Fuschia started about juggling family and working, to photograph any letters home on your phone - that way you never lose that crucial info! and put dates straight in phone diary etc. Too true though, the school admin is something else, esp around Xmas/summer when everything happens at once.