Baby fighting sleep

[mrsps]

Hello,

I'm looking for advice regarding our second little one who fights sleep night and day. She screams and screams until she eventually crashes out exhausted leaning us all exhausted. She is only seven weeks old so I know it's early to think about a routine and I don't want to leave her to cry but I feel I'm being cruel by not facilitating her need for sleep. Am doing all the usual things - swaddling, creating a good sleeping environment - but nothing seems to be working. If I feed her to sleep she wakes up shortly afterwards so that doesn't seem like an option either.

Id welcome any encouragement from people who've experienced something similar!

[Pickle]

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, but congratulations on the new arrival!

My view (only my view, based on having had three babies):

Firstly, 7 weeks is not too early to start thinking about a routine. I openly admit to having used Gina Ford, albeit a "lite" approach, to give me a bit of a guide as how much sleep and approximate times etc. I left it until about 8 weeks with my first, who I was convinced would never sleep in the day (he screamed a lot!). Within a few days life was transformed.

I think it also helps you to feel assured that baby is getting enough to eat, allowing you to rule out hunger as a cause.

Secondly, can you help facilitate nap times by using a dummy? I didn't need one with two of my babies, but once again my first needed something to help him chill out, and as he was tongue tied I was too sore to let him suckle to sleep. It was purely an interim measure for us, by 3 or 4 months he had stopped needing it.

Make sure you've ruled out any medical/physical causes (tongue tie, reflux etc).

Good luck x

[anna79]

Hi there,

I don't normally post much but I read your post and you could have been describing my daughter. She is 4 now but when she was 7 weeks she was exactly the same as your daughter! I know how hard it can be and I agree with pickle about routine although when you have a baby who fights sleep it seems hard to get any sort of routine going. For the first few weeks I picked some nap times and then did anything that got her to nod off (basically involved me jogging up and down wearing her in a sling!) after a while she seemed to get tired at these 'times' and then I gradually started putting her down in her cot at these times. It wasn't easy but we did get there in the end.

PM me if you want to ask anything, a lovely woman on here got in touch with me when I was going through the same thing and was really helpful.

X

[ACBP]

Agree with anna79. My daughter did nothing but scream at sleep times for about 3-4 months. I ended up slinging her or bouncing on an exercise ball/squatting with her to get her to sleep. It's exhausting. But it will get better.

[KLR]

Congratulations on your baby! I have 7 month old twins and was lucky to get lots of good advice from the start. I still remember some of the challenges at 7 weeks though!

One of the main bits of advice I had was to ensure your baby is properly winded after feeding, as perhaps your baby is feeling some pain? If you pick your baby up and cuddle her, does she stop crying? If yes, then you know there's nothing seriously wrong, and she is just learning to self-settle. In those situations, I was taught to shush and pat, try and avoid picking up and bouncing/rocking so baby doesn't become dependent on that to fall asleep, and if swaddled sometimes a simple shift in position from left to right can be enough to calm your baby.

I would highly recommend Carol Mae who helped us iron out our twins' sleep issues at 3 months, but don't wait that long! http://www.carolmaeconsulting.co.uk She was amazing and in less than a week we got them sleeping through the night which they've consistently done from 4 months.

Good luck!

[Redmeghan]

Hello,

My first reaction to your post was that you're being much too hard on yourself - 7 weeks is awfully early for a routine so don't out too much pressure on yourself. I have a 21 month old and a 7 week old - I keep asking my husband if it was this hard the first time round and he insists I've being repeating myself verbatim! "I feel like a dairy cow" "I haven't had two consecutive hours sleep yet since she was born" "I never have a minute to myself" I swear I had completely forgotten - that may not be of much use now but in a years time you'll have forgotten about how hard this is. My first daughter didn't get into much of a routing until she was a good three months old - I used the sling a lot until then - it was the only place in which she could find deep sleep. I use a Kari-Me but they're all more or less the same. A lot of child psychologists and behavioural scientists have theorised that babies could really do with a fourth trimester - keeping them close helps their development - it also means they're born so wildly immature so don't push or pull them out of their own natural sleep patterns. I have days when my 7 week old has 12 ten minute naps - it's utterly infuriating - especially with a toddler needing me too - but I just have to go with it and trust that it will get better. Because it will!

The pre-frontal cortex which is responsible for emotional intelligence (as in self soothing) doesn't even begin to grow until babies are 6 months old.

Yes, make sure the baby is fed, dry, burped etc - but beyond that just give in to it and keep being patient. It is the hardest thing to do in my view but in a few months not only will you have forgotten about it but it will all seem worth it!

I hope you're doing well!

[mong17]

I'm another routine advocate here. My 8 week old now does 3 predictable sleeps a day and goes down at 7pm. Yes there has been 5-10 mins of crying here and there to get this established but we'll worth it. At first I did all the naps in the buggy so she learnt to be tired at certain times. I still often do the long lunch sleep in the buggy but parked in the kitchen. This gives flexibility in case I want to go out. Essentially try to encourage a nap 2 hours after your baby has been awake or maybe a little less. I do 45 mins in morning, 2-3 hours from 12pm and then another nap around 430 on the school run. Hope that helps.

[SuperNanny]

A routine is possible at 7 weeks,I totally agree. My baby is now 13 months old and she was in a routine since day 4, meaning since we went home from the hospital.

I am a maternity nanny (sometimes still called a maternity nurse, old style)...however I cannot deny it was hard work. The waking in the nights when you are tired and oh-so-hormonal makes things so hard. And the crying of my own child made me so upset, no matter if it was wind or fighting sleep I would bring me to inconsolable tears. I would say it was 1000 times more upsetting than the baby that an other mother made and I only had to sleep train.

It only lasted till week 10. She was not colicky, she was not in pain. She was just in tears.

For any support and extra advice,please feel free to write to me. Sometimes all you need is a nice cup of camomile and cake. Lots and lots of cake!!

[Bellenden Belle]

I would just like to add that one can establish a routine without 'crying it out'. At seven weeks I thought my second would never sleep before 10pm/11pm each night and it was indeed exhausting. Thirteen weeks tomorrow, he now goes down within 20 minutes and around seven o'clock. We think being consistent was the key. Endless nights of repeating and repeating the shush/ pat method from The Baby Whisperer (also patiently taught to me by lovely Buggie from here when I had my first.

It is hard to know what the long-term effects of crying it out and raised cortisol levels are. Ultimately I think it is important for mums to do whatever it takes that supports them - a relaxed mum must be good for a child. So I wouldn't judge anyone for letting their child cry. But it's worth exploring the gentler methods first snd above all giving yourself time - lots of people turn a corner at the 12 week point.

I found the No Cry Sleep Solution another useful book.

[Pickle]

Agree with Bellenden Belle - I managed to establish routines without leaving babies to cry.

With my first, a dummy helped settle him to sleep at scheduled times, 2nd spent a lot of time in a sling at sleep times (and gradually moved to cot once sleep patterns were established), and 3rd was a perfect example of a 3rd child and just did it with minimal effort.

Consistency is key, and finding a "method" that suits your family.

[Convex]

i found the 'baby sense secret' to be a good all round book for advice.

the info i found most useful from gina fords books was repeated in lots of others... eg recommended routines etc. my first had a good routine but only ever slept in a pram or sling. 2nd was terrible routine but cracked it around 10months with a dummy and advice from a sleep consultant.

both good sleepers now.

[mrsps]

Thank you very much everyone. It seems perhaps that we try and work out some sort of routine and then see if getting her off to sleep at the same time every day (using whatever means possible!) is the way forward. She does seem far too young to be left to cry so will start with the sling and hi from there. It's encouraging to hear success stories from other people!