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The East Dulwich Forum
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messageopinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Lindsey<3 12 April, 2012 12:17

I have a almost 7mth old little girl and I have a funeral to attend in a couple of weeks, I was going to bring my little girl with me without even thinking, but some family members have said it would be rude of me to do so, I don't really understand why?? But then on the other hand some other members of my family have said that its fine to do so. I'm confused now and don't want to upset anyone. Advice and opinions please sad smiley

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by pebbles 12 April, 2012 12:22

I think absolutely fine as long as you sit at a place that is easily get out able so if ur baby makes a noise you can leave the church until baby has settled.

I think it's a comfort for some people to see the next generation at funerals to see that life does go on.

I'm sorry for your loss

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by amydown 12 April, 2012 12:24

We went to my husband's great aunt's funeral couple of years ago when baby was around 7m old. To be honest, it hadn't occurred to me not to have him with us as the aunt had loved babies. We sat at the back in the church and I just took him outside for a walk when he started getting fidgety.

In fact, so many family members and friends were happy to meet him and see him.

Perhaps have a word with person organising the funeral?

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Lindsey<3 12 April, 2012 12:29

Thanks for the feedback guys, same here, it never occurred to me not to bring her until a family member asked who's looking after her :/
Especially as she's breast fed too so I would so rather her be with me, I just don't want to get anyones back up you know sad smiley

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Otta 12 April, 2012 13:19

I can't imagine why anyone would think it was inappropriate.

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by swagstar 12 April, 2012 13:26

For my Fathers funeral my nephews and nieces (who were 6 and 1 respectively, unfortunatley the twins birthday was the same day!) stayed in a little ante room but that was because my sister didn't want them to remember it more than anything. I think babies can be great at funerals as they can really lighten the mood and provide a nice positive focus at the wake. It would probably be best to check with the organisers and as the posts say sit somewhere you can escape from quickly if the baby starts crying/making lots of noise. I certainly don't think it's rude to take a baby but probably best to check.

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Saffron 12 April, 2012 13:26

Otta I totally agree (same as weddings too).

We took our daughter to her grandfather's funeral, b/c it's what he would have wanted. She was just over 1 year old. There were loads of people from my husband's family that I had never even met, and no one appeared to be offended.

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Lindsey<3 12 April, 2012 13:26

I couldn't understand it either :/

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by lucyA1308 12 April, 2012 13:34

many churches (if it is taking place in a church) have a child-friendly corner. A 7 month old is much easier than a 14 month old, who is wanting to get everywhere, or even a 7 year old, who might find it upsetting. You shouldn't worry.

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by dulwichgirl2 12 April, 2012 13:49

Sorry to hear. :-(

However, it is more straightforward than the wedding dilemma of yesterday. One and only answer- you ask the organiser and go with whatever he or she states as his or her preference, whether you agree with it, think it right or not.

Hope it goes as smoothly as these events can and that people are comforted by the day.

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Lindsey<3 12 April, 2012 14:29

Thx guys

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Saffron 13 April, 2012 17:40

dulwichgirl2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sorry to hear. :-(
>
> However, it is more straightforward than the
> wedding dilemma of yesterday. One and only answer-
> you ask the organiser and go with whatever he or
> she states as his or her preference, whether you
> agree with it, think it right or not.
>
>

Erm, is it that simple? What if the organiser would like to have the child there, but parents don't want to bring him/her? Or, even more complicated, what if the organiser says it's ok, but other family/friends don't like the idea!? Oh dear. Maybe it's something we all need to think about for our wills. I'd like families to be able to bring their children to my funeral, b/c I think funerals, weddings, etc are imporant cultural events that shape our lives and the lives of our chilren.

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Lindsey<3 13 April, 2012 17:56

The organiser said its fine but other family members have said I shouldn't bring her. I really don't wanna upset anyone but I know its bound 2 happen now sad smiley

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by dulwichgirl2 13 April, 2012 18:37

Funerals are about supporting and comforting the living as well as remembering the dead. The dead person has appointed the organiser to act in his or her behalf and has placed his or her trust in the organsier to arrrange things as he or she would have wanted. Hence why you go with the organiser's honest and genuinely expressed wishes and preferences. The views of the rest of the family are in this instance irrelevant unless of course someone had a specific conversation with the deceased that would change the organiser's mind. In this case, it should be brought to the attention of the organiser. the other family members are therefore welcome to do this.

Lastly, if you think the organiser is trying to accommodate you as opposed to carry out the deceased's wishes, then obviously you do not take the baby.

As I said above, I hope it goes as smoothly as these things can and that the bereaved family is comforted in their pain.

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Lindsey<3 13 April, 2012 19:04

Thanks smiling smiley

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by MGolden 13 April, 2012 21:01

Lindsey, did the family members who said it would be rude explain why?

I come from a large Irish catholic family and my children have been to loads of funerals, they are 10 and 13 now but I remember going to funerals on both of the occasions I was on maternity leave. Generally, funerals of elderly people can be a celebration of life.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Michele

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Lindsey<3 13 April, 2012 21:14

They just said its "innappropriate" I'm not sure why though. Thanks michele

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by MGolden 13 April, 2012 21:19

It may be worth asking them, sometimes people have unfounded fears about death and bereavement and just exploring their fears may shed light on why they think it 'inappropriate'.

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Lindsey<3 13 April, 2012 21:33

Yeah x

messageRe: opinions about bringing a baby to a funeral??
Posted by Pugwash 14 April, 2012 01:59

Our youngest grandson who was 15 months old came to my Mum's funeral, our daughter sat at the end of the pew and when he got a bit grumpy - took him outside.I left it up to my other daughter to decide whether she wanted her 7 year old and 12 year old to attend. The 7 year decided he would rather go to school as it was football club after school and did not want to miss it! Would never say a child was not welcomed at a funeral or wedding and would always leave it up to the parents to decide what was best for their kids.


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