Jah Lush Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.I translate ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees. I write award winning operas, and manage time efficiently.Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.I woo women with my sensuous and Godlike trombone playing.I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed.I cook thirty minute brownies in twenty minutes.I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.I play bluegrass cello. I had trials with Manchester United Football Club and am the subject of numerous documentaries.When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding.On Wednesdays after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.I have appeared in "Through The Keyhole" and won the Nobel Peace Prize.Last summer I toured eastern Europe with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration.I run the 100m in 9.65 seconds. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA.I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.While on holiday in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and my bills are all paid.On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only some vegetables and a Breville toaster. I breed prize winning clams.I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions in the Kremlin.I have played Hamlet. I have performed open heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis but I have never been to Bluewater.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keef Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 I can hold my drink well :)-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jah Lush Posted May 4, 2007 Author Share Posted May 4, 2007 Forget to mention that one, Keef. I can drink all the fishes under the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fear 'n boozin Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 I fall under the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bagpuss78 Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 "I see" said the blind man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jah Lush Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 My pink half of the drainpipeI may paint it blueMy pink half of the drainpipekeeps me safe from you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Palaeologus Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 I'm in love with a brown paper bagShe loves me and i'm so gladI met her by a market stallShe's a bit screwed upBit arent we all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivemet-jimmy Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 The common Cormerant or Shagg, lays its eggs in a paper bag. The reason is you'll see no doupt, is to keep the lightning out. But, what these unobsevent birds do not realise is, that bears with buns, might lteal their bags to hold their crums!!:-S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivemet-jimmy Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 * Steel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Palaeologus Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 * Steal (?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bagpuss78 Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 Algy met a bear The bear met Algy The bear was bulgey The bulge was Algy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jah Lush Posted May 8, 2007 Author Share Posted May 8, 2007 My pink half of the drainpipe seperates me from the incredibly fascinating story of your life in all it's minute and tedious attention to detail and was it a Thursday or a Wednesday? Who cares, for if it wasn't so then I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life and I will baffle you with cabbages and rhinceroses and the kitchen and sets of quotations from Now We Are Six through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So there!all my lunch, Vivian Stanshall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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