Re: Quiet room...
Posted by Muley
06 July, 2009 11:40
Enters Quiet room with a Catholic priest
"There it is Father, there's the green slime possessed by the devil".
There is a palpable sense of evil in the air as the marmelade turns, snarls and spits at the priest; he stares at it then slowly takes a crucifix, a bible and a flask of holy water from his bag.
"'Tis worse than I feared my son. You must wait outside the room while I exorcise this evil filth".
"But Father, what about all the other people in the room- surely it won't be safe for them?"
"Ah, look around won'tcha. This bunch are still off their bleedin' faces after the weekend and they're up to their arses in empties. Bunch o' feckers wouldn't notice if the bastard room collapsed around their ears".
"Can't argue with that. If you're sure Father..."
Gives priest a quizzical look, leaves room, closes door and waits. Soon the sound of Latin incantations spoken in a firm, commanding voice followed by snarled demonic obcenities emanate from the Quiet room. The shouting becomes louder, more frantic and desperate, and the urge to join the fight against the slime is overwhelming. Burst through door and run into room...
"Ahhh" growls the slime menacingly "do you puny mortals know who HonaloochieB really is?"
The room begins to spin frantically as an unseen force hurls me across the room, and conciousness slips away as the evil voice spits out the name...
Some time later I awake; the priest is slumped in the corner looking grim-faced but the slime has gone, leaving nothing but a foul smell behind.
"Father, are you alright? What happened?"
"The evil has gone now my son, there is nothing more to fear. It seems that Moos' kitchen is built on the site of an ancient Native American burial ground, which is feckin' weird for South London, and the marmelade was a portal for evil. I've blessed the Thames Water ring main system so nothing but God's clean holy water will flow from Moos' taps in future"
"But Father, what about what the demon said- could HonaloochieB really be George Clooney posting on the EDF from Hollywood?
"Ah no, these minions of the evil one will tell any filthy lie to confuse you, pay no mind to it. There'll be no further trouble here and I'll be on my way"
And as the priest walks out of the Quiet room the pocket of his cassock falls open for a split-second to reveal a ticket for the Mott The Hoople reunion gig at the Hammersmith Apollo in October.
"No. Surely not.....that couldn't have been.....could it?"