Advice Needed: Tips to make a nanny share work well

[anna_r]

It appears there are a number of people on this forum who do a nanny share and find it works very well. I wondered if you had any tips for me. We are about to embark on a nanny share with a good friend from NCT from October when our babies will both be 8 months old. We will be sharing the same days (4 days a week). The nanny has done a very successful nanny share before but with slightly older children (from 14 months). Some questions I have are:

- How do you get the two babies into the same routine? Both are not great nappers during the day and need a bit of help to fall asleep. What do you do with the other one while you are getting the other to sleep? Neither of us have gone down the controlled crying route.

- How frequently do you switch between the two houses? What additional equipment do we need (e.g. travel cot, high chair)? We have a double pushchair.

- On a negative note: what happens if it doesn't work out? Do both families have a right to call it off? We found the nanny so assume we would have a right to keep her as a sole charge role? Or could the other family have a claim? I guess it is just a question of communication clearly between families and nanny, together with a clear contract.

- What are the best activities if someone is looking after two babies? Any twin mums with suggestions?

- What happens if one person is late from work and the kids are at the other house...do they both pay the overtime?

- Anything else??

I found the nanny through Simply Childcare and I think I'll give them a call as well as they were so helpful when I was looking, but I wondered if anyone had experiences they would like to share.

Thanks!

[Fuschia]

I have twins, breastfed and attachment parented and they went to a minder from 7m. She was very experienced, even then, sometimes I had to come home early or my SIL had to go to help, esp if one was ill.

It's hard to manage two babies if one is particularly needy that day. Many activities are quite difficult, many playgroups are too busy to manage two babies there.

To get both to sleep at once, only failsafe is tandem breastfeeding( no help to you!) or going for a walk. Where do your babies nap? How do you settle them?

CP one o'c club is good for two babies. Also sing and sign classes. P rye one o'c club too. Anywhere you can't take your buggy in is hard though. Leapers let you take your buggy up if you have twins.

I can recommend ikea ?14 antelop high chairs.

[Fuschia]

With two babies, you do more stuff at home than with one, but they enjoy playing and dancing together, as they grow.

One of my babies is v. predictable with her naps 10 am/2pm so I usually take her first while the other is playing. Sometimes it works well, sometimes not. Little rocking chairs or carseats in the living room are handy, to cuddle one, rock the other with your foot. Does you dble buggy fit through the front door? also handy to rock to sleep, or go out at naptime, come back when they're off.

[mrs.lotte]

As long as both families have the same sort of ideas about discipline/routines and go into it with a give and take attitude it will all be fine.

It is hard with two babies as if both kick off at once your nanny cant really be expected to comfort both at once. However I am in the pro controlled crying camp (flame me if you want but both my kids are brilliant sleepers and always have been) mums of twins maybe in better position to advise if possible to comfort two crying babies at once.

A good nanny should be able to get them into the same routine. You may not be a fan of routines but without one her life will be hell. She is an employee doing a difficult job and needs time to sit down/have lunch/tidy up/stick the washing on.

Re swapping houses - my original share was one week at one, one at the other, subsequent shares have been at my house (upside not having to get darlings ready out and dropped, downside mess and expense of food) Nothing need be fixed in stone; suck it and see. I had an extra highchair cheap as chips from mothercare and useful for visitors or one of those that tie to normal chair that you will probably use yourself when you go out. Used travelcot for visiting baby which obviously need for selves anyway. Never needed anything else

Activities; whippersnappers, general park stuff, little singing classes, ball pool, baby gym - basically anything except swimming I guess. In time they will also entertain each other.

If one family running late and kids at others then maybe nanny would bring them round to other house and they could pay overtime in cash or (as we often did) let nanny go and other family look after baby gratis for a little while

Both families have seperate contract with nanny not sure what would happen if wanted to end share but both families want to have nanny - sorry.

We have a float that both families give an equal amount to each week for classes/bananas that sort of stuff

Most important is to talk openly to each other; maybe have a meeting with both families and the nanny after about a month to check progress. Dont talk to nanny about other family behind back and dont niggle about the little things (they get more bananas out of the float than me, my baby spends all day in the doctor cos they are hypochondriacs about their baby) You'll probably find that it comes to a natural end when one of you gets pregnant again!

Not purporting to know it all - others may disagree with me - just sharing my experience - hope it helps

Also I rate nannypaye; they can advise about contract too.

[redjam]

I've done two nannyshares with two different families and I'm a big fan of them, though I do think it's important that you share with another family that is generally fairly easygoing and not too rigid about how they want their baby brought up. In general I feel if you've got a decent nanny she will figure out how to cope with routines, two crying babies, activities etc - I realise it's hard work, but she's the professional and that's what she's paid to do, and at the end of the day she can hand them back to the parents and go home to get a good night's sleep (unlike parents of twins!). So although there'll undoubtably be tough days, it's certainly doable.

In my previous share arrangement it was always based at the other house as it was bigger; this time our house was bigger so it's been based in ours every day. Definitely pros and cons each way (Mrs Lotte has summed up well) so the alternate weeks idea could work well if both houses are the same size. I used to worry about my child being based in the 'other' house and not at her own home each day, but of course it very quickly became a second home to her.

I wouldn't worry too much now about it all going wrong - I think you have to go into it with a 'let's try to make this work' attitude and if it doesn't then you'll probably want out of the whole thing anyway. Never heard of two families falling out with each other but both still wanting to keep the nanny - when it's up and running you don't tend to see much of the other family anyway, and your relationship is much more with the nanny.

One of the nanny tax agencies should be able to help you draw up a contract which will address a lot of the issues you raise, and it's a chance to think these things through then. But generally it's in everyone's interests to make things work and remember that things change constantly as kids grow older so even if certain aspects are tricky when they're babies they will get easier in time. Good luck!

[anna_r]

Thank you so much for all the fantastic advice. I am feeling much more confident that we'll be able to make it work (fingers crossed). We are going to go with nannypaye - they seem really helpful as yes contracts for a share seem a lot more complex.

Fuschia - currently my baby sleeps in her cot in the morning from about 8.30/9.00. She has a bottle then a couple of minutes of rocking but she gets put down slightly awake and 3 out of 4 times she manages to settle herself. I suppose the other baby can be put in a playpen with some toys while that goes on. I am also quite flexible if the nanny comes up with a better routine e.g. for morning nap to be in double pushchair if that works out to be more convenient...I guess its a bit trial and error.

[Fuschia]

anna_r Wrote:seem a lot more complex.

>

>

> Fuschia - currently my baby sleeps in her cot in

> the morning from about 8.30/9.00. She has a bottle

> then a couple of minutes of rocking but she gets

> put down slightly awake and 3 out of 4 times she

> manages to settle herself. I suppose the other

> baby can be put in a playpen with some toys while

> that goes on.

sounds easy to accomodate

[Moos]

Lots of good advice.

I agree with mrs.lotte that a routine is important to allow the nanny to have a reasonable working life. Most nannies (although I'm sure not all) will want to have a routine, so if you are against the idea, you'll have to be sure to source the right nanny.

It's a good idea also to seek out a family with similar ideas around child-rearing to your family - e.g. what sort of meals/snacks are OK, whether to watch television, appropriate activities, and so on.

A double buggy and an extra highchair or booster chair are useful, plus a travel cot for Child 2's naps if you haven't already got one.

A contract between the families (PM me if you want an example) is a good idea - it may be excessive, but on the other hand, it's good to get expectations clarified on all sides. What do you do, for example, when one of the children is sick?

Moving the double buggy/pushchair/food in the freezer between houses can be a hassle if done every week. Alternating months is also good. It also means you get one month where your house remains tidy and child-free but you have to drop-off and pick-up, and one month where your house is messy and covered in food, but you don't have to do the drop-offs!

You can't always get exactly what you want, but make sure the other family is located somewhere where you can easily 'commute' to and from, you'll be dropping off/picking your child up from there straight from work pretty regularly.