worried mum - little one going to nursery

[bonacara]

My little one is due to go to nursery in March, when he will be 1 year old. I am worried about him settling in. He is still breastfed every 3-4 hours (day and night) and that is the only way he will go to sleep (fall asleep on booby)

He is also the quiet type, and I am worried he will hate nursery with all the noise, etc. Any ideas / advice on how to prepare him, how to make settling in easier? Thanks.

[prdarling]

OK being brutal here... if your baby is 8 months old and you are going back to work, he should not need to be fed every 3/4 hours. It's not necessary and as much as he loves it, you have to let go.

He is nearly 9 months old so should be well capable of going through the night and will be able to fall asleep alone if you let him.

It's hard but you have to distinguish what you want and need from what your baby wants and needs. You must be shattered. I'm afrid you need to get tough and start to put him down to sleep by himself and sooner rather than later. I know it's horrid but letting him fall asleep with you is only delaying the inevitable.

As for the nursery situation. Why are you putting him in a nursery when he's used to such close attention...surely a childminder home-from-home environment would be much more suitable??

Sorry if I sound harsh but I just don't understand why someone who still feeds their 9 month old son every 3 hours would plunge him into the impersonal world of a nursery.

I know it's a stressful thought process but I really would reconsider if i were you

[crystal7]

Hi bonacara. I wenl back to work pt when my daughter was 11 months. I felt sick with worry for weeks beforehand- spoilt the end of my mat leave a bit. At 8 months she was still breastfeeding every 3-4 hours day and night too. I stopped feeding her mid morning and offered a snack instead which she was fine with. I was lucky enough to be able to get back from work by 4ish and would feed her at the childminders then although i stopped this once she was more settled as it effected her dinner. I'm not very good at tough love so left the nights as they were. E just slowly improved. By the time she was 13months she only had 1 feed a night and started to sleep through around 15months. I also very worried about daytime sleeps as E would only sleep in car or pram but it was fine- she'd fall asleep on the way home from groups and then be transferred into the cot. I'll be honest- i found the first month or so really hard and felt permanently guilty but it got better and now almost a yr on i'm so glad she has such a great relationship with her childminder and her daughter- it's like her 2nd home. I'm rambling! Good luck and enjoy the end of yr mat leave! Excuse the typos i'm on my phone.

[Monkey]

Hiya. If I were you, I would start sorting his feeding and sleeping habits asap for your sake and his. Babies do not sleep all that much in nurseries and life as a working mum is tough and very, very tiring. You will both need a good night's sleep!

I know quiet babies who started at nursery at the same age as yours and were fine with it. You could take him to playgroups and other noisy environments and see if your nursery would double his settling in period. Talk to the manager. They are used to helping worried mums!

Good luck!

[sb]

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[littleEDfamily]

Hi Bonacara - as someone who is currently struggling to break 'bad' habits with my baby (not sleeping on own in cot, feeding too much, allowing her to feed and sleep in our bed!), I must agree with prdarling (although the delivery was harsh). You have plenty of time to sort things out before you leave baby with whatever childcare you decide on (definitely explore the childminder option as an alternative if you haven't done so already).

I went back to work at 8 months with my first and I continued to do the first and last feeds of the day with ye old boobs. I would say at least 2 months before going back, you should try to have him taking a bottle (breastmilk or formula) for all day feeds and able to settle himself reasonably easily in a cot for a daytime nap. I'm relying on the wisdom of the Baby Whisperer forums to try and crack the latter. Resorting to settling with the boob is so easy, isn't it??? But I do believe ultimately it's a habit that must be broken...

Good luck!!

[bonacara]

Thank you for all the replies, it really helps getting the different opinions / experiences, even if they are harsh.

Of course I have looked into other options, but unfortunately we dont have family over here ( wish I had a granny near by), we cannot afford nannies, and good childminders are few and far between, although I am still searching in the hope that the right person may appear.

The nursery he is due to go to is in fact the one both me and my husband really loved, and thought most suitable for him and I am glad he has got a space as they have a long waiting list.

I have been trying to give him some "tough love" and reduce the feeds, teach him how to settle himself since he turned 6 months, but somehow he always gets away with it - overseas visitors, being sick, teething, etc... I think part of the problem is I am a softie myself.

Thanks sb for the kind message, I have now worked out a structured plan to reduce his feeds - cutting one feed out every two weeks (starting with the daytime ones) and then getting my hubby to help with cutting out the night time ones in the New Year will work out perfect and should give him enough time to slowly get used to the new routine.

Thanks crsytal7 for sharing your experiences, its reassuring to know that things do work out in the end!

Thanks monkey for the straight forward, honest and practical advice.

littleEDfamily, I am sorry to hear you are also struggling, but still good to know we are not alone! Hope you can crack the nap thing.

Good luck everyone and thanks again X

[alieh]

You've already had lots of advice, but just to say that the difference between your baby now and in March will be huge. It is a long time in the life of a now-8 month old! You have lots of time to gradually adjust your feeding schedule - at 8 months I was still feeding very regularly through the day (and still in the night), but at 12 months when my son started at the childminder we were down to just a morning and bedtime feed. This happened quite naturally, with a bit of prodding (more vigorous encouragement required to drop the night feeds, but we got there!).

I would start by gradually breaking the boob to sleep association by putting him down more and more awake - the No Cry Sleep Solution book has lots of tips on this if you like the gradual approach. And like littleEDfamily says, the Baby Whisperer Forums (much better than books) are great, with lots of mums who have been through it helping you step by step. Once you know that he can fall asleep indendently, you can work on cutting out the night feeds (i.e. by getting someone else to resettle with patting or cuddles instead of milk).

My son is quiet too, but he has adjusted well to his childminder (there are 5-6 kids there, so not quite as big as most nurseries but still pretty loud and chaotic!). If your son doesn't already have a comforter (like a soft toy or blanket or something) you could start now getting him used to something. You can tuck it in your bra while feeding so it smells like you and he assoicates it with milky cuddles, and then always put it down with him when he goes to sleep. It will make a big difference for him to be able to take this with him when he starts at nursery. On days when my son is feeling more shy or fragile he still likes to get his soft toy first thing when he gets to the childminder (we have two identical ones - one at home, one there - so we don't have to cart it back and forth).

[crystal7]

You've already had lots of advice, but just to say that the difference between your baby now and in March will be huge. It is a long time in the life of a now-8 month old! You have lots of time to gradually adjust your feeding schedule - at 8 months I was still feeding very regularly through the day (and still in the night), but at 12 months when my son started at the childminder we were down to just a morning and bedtime feed. This happened quite naturally, with a bit of prodding (more vigorous encouragement required to drop the night feeds, but we got there!)

I completely agree with this! Also I found that when I wasn't around E woudn't miss the milk (or so I was told). The feeds just changed with very minimal 'prodding' from me. At 1 she was completely happy to have 2 feeds a day so didn't need bottles (just as well as she never took 1!).