Another nursery thread - Advice needed!

[susyp]

Following on from an earlier nursery thread on here I wondered if I could have some thoughts on my current dilemma. Bit longwinded this sorry.

My daughter started a nursery for 2 year olds when she was 2. After 4 sessions I took her out as she was increasingly upset there and also started being very hostile to other children when I took her to the playground. And she got very upset if I even went out of the room - wouldn't let her Daddy do a thing with her. I know this is all normal but I figured at 2 it wasn't worth it and I would wait til she is 3. She is now 2 years 7 months and I can see she is a very different child - we have lots of playing with individual children in playground and the overly boisterous behaviour has all but gone in playgroups.

But - I can't decide whether to wait until she is 3 and start her at nursery 5 mornings a week in September - this works for 3 main reason:

* She would get to know the routine more quickly this way - definitely has an issue with transition periods (like most preschool children I think). Big reason the other nursery was a problem for her - she didn't understand what was happening - perhaps a little young.

* She would have a named carer she would know pretty well by the end of week 1

* She would know the other children and make specific friends and crucially I think for her - the children - would all be 3+ - she definitely prefers the older child - not keen on children much younger I think as she realises they are more likely to snatch etc. ( think that was also why she didn't like the previous nursery - it was a bit manic).

Or should I start her in a creche for 2 separate hours a week to get her used to being left without me? Only thing with this the children will all be 2+ but probably not 3+ which seems to be the age group she plays well with (and her year group as she is a July baby). And I am concerned about another disaster. But am I being unfair putting her straight into 5 days a week 3 hours a day without any previous experience of being left? The other day she played so nicely with a girl in a playground and I said - "see, when you go to nursery you can play with other children all the time it will be lovely" - she said "no, nursery is horrible" . arg.

thank you!

Susypx

[madmum]

Try Puddleducks, they are all super lovely and very caring, my little one freaked out when we took him to one nursery (he was 2 3 months) they had no patients and told me he was not ready and they could not handle his screaming! so then I was lucky to get a space at puddleducks, started him with 2 hours and it only took 2 mornings before he was fine, well he did cry when I left and as you can imagine my heart was breaking and I was blaming myself for being a bad Mummy, but the girls called me after 30 mins and said he is fine...In the end he cried when I picked him up! Im now planning on starting my 2nd child now 2.5 months so fingers crossed it will be a smooth transistion. Think the age range is 2 upwards they all just mix in there is no age seperation.

I'm sure once you find the right nursery your little one will be fine.

Good Luck

xxx

[Pickle]

You could use a creche like Magic Moments (which is on Lordship Lane up towards the Harvester) - it's a 2 hour drop off, and a lovely gentle introduction to the concept of being left before starting 5 mornings a week.

Both of my children have been there, my youngest (2.5) still goes and will continue to until she starts school nursery. My son started school nursery in January and settled in very easily which I think is in part due to the lead up going to creche (he went 2 mornings a week). The ladies that run it are really nice, the kids love them.

[Cora]

Really recommend Magic Moments as an introduction to it all.

[littleEDfamily]

Hmm.. I think just wait until she's going to the nursery she's going to be likely to stay at. I think the only way to get used to a place is to be at that place and go through the transition. I think it may also help to give her the impression nursery is not negotiable. Certainly mention it, as in 'when you're 3, you'll go to nursery: that's what big girls who are 3 do', and if she sounds interested, maybe hype it up a little, but if she seems negative about it, just change the subject.

When my daughter started 5 mornings a week at age 3, there were some kids who howled every morning for about 2 weeks, and it is true these were mostly kids who weren't used to being left, but it all balanced out pretty quickly and those kids very quickly settled. And at the risk of sounding like a miserable Victorian mother, don't worry too much if she moans about it initially. Mine did this, and after trying to talk her round, I found it worked better when I didn't indulge her. At age 3 she didn't necessarily love nursery (but as she was getting on for 4 and could form closer ties to other kids, that changed), but I could tell she was getting lots out of it (exhausted by the end of day too, so expect some meltdowns!)

As long as you are happy with the nursery you have chosen, just commit to it and don't fret if the first 6 months are less than hunkydory - you'll get there in the end xx

[susyp]

Lots of good advice here thank you. I still can't decide. One of the positives of the place I tried was that on our last morning there, when she went in she was telling me about all the other children there - ie that's xx that's xx and where's xx. So I am kind of thinking that making bonds with other children might be what she gains most from nursery and what makes her put up with it. Which she wouldn't do in a creche because it will be different children each time. And she is still a bit unpredictable with younger children but really "grown up" and well behaved when she plays with her own age+.

Definitely am beginning to see that she needs more than just me - 6 months ago I felt like I wanted to keep her at home forever but the constant "mummy play with me" when we are at home (which is only for a few hours each day as we do A LOT!), is clearly a sign of frustration. She is not happy when there is no-one in the playground either and SO happy if she finds a little playmate! Very sociable and outgoing but just used to having me all the time at the same time. I am starting to tell her she needs to play with other children and where do you find children - in a nursery. And we sit having breakfast every morning watching all the children going off to school.

I think maybe I need to go and visit and few creches and see if I can find an hour or so a week when the same children tend to go.

So general experience is that children settle better if they are used to being left?

What I don;t want is tears at the creche and then tears again in September - as littleEDfamily says - each place is going to be new and scary.

arg! My nerves won't take 2 weeks of crying !

susypx

[Fuschia]

The same children attend magic moments, many children do 2/3 days, my twins do 4 days. It's not a huge turnover. Fridays are very quiet. The staff are very cuddly.

[Fuschia]

If she gets a place there, you are welcome to meet up with me and mine beforehand, my twins attend every morning.

[littleEDfamily]

Just had a thought - what might ease the transition is if you start having playdates with one or two children also starting at the same place in September. I am sure you could find some kiddies due to start through the trusty forum or even the school itself.

[Pickle]

Magic Moments is technically a creche, but more like a nursery in that you sign up to do certain days a week and the same kids go every time. My daughter has formed some lovely bonds with the kids she goes there with (Fuschia, she seems to have an infatuation with T at the moment... never stops talking about him!).

[Fuschia]

Pickle Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Magic Moments is technically a creche, but more

> like a nursery in that you sign up to do certain

> days a week and the same kids go every time. My

> daughter has formed some lovely bonds with the

> kids she goes there with (Fuschia, she seems to

> have an infatuation with T at the moment... never

> stops talking about him!).

Aww!!

[ClareC]

Do magic moments have a website/waiting list?

[Fuschia]

ClareC Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Do magic moments have a website/waiting list?

No website, they only advertise by word of mouth.

They are pretty full some days, less so on others 9esp Fridays)

take from 18m, ?10 for 2h session

10>12 every day but Weds

[Pickle]

I think at the moment they're full on Tuesdays, but have space the other days (not open Wed). When my son started I just rang up, went and had a look, and he started the next week - a lot less stressful than the process for proper nurseries!

[ClareC]

Thank you :-)

My daughter isn't yet old enough but good to know for the future. What age did your children start?

[Pickle]

My son started at around 2.5, daughter at about 20 months.

[Fuschia]

They take from 18m. My twins started about then. It's a lovely little place, to give you a couple of hours break and give them the chance to experience the nursery environment.

[Fuschia]

Being less than 3h per day, they're not OFSTED registered, hence you never get a free place at 3+, and can't use vouchers. But if you are hoping for a school nursery place from 3+ anyway, it's a great place to go beforehand.