Help! Five month old wakes every 45 minutes

[KattyKit]

Hi I was wondering if anyone had experienced something similar and can offer any advice? I am going slightly mad from sleep deprivation and have such huge bags under my eyes that I have started to scare the neighbour's dog.

My five month old goes to sleep without much fuss but wakes crying every 45 minutes. I say wakes but he has his eyes closed and is not fully awake. I then get up and breast feed or comfort him back to sleep fairly quickly only for the same thing to happen after about 45 mins.

He has done this for about the last two months and prior to that only woke two or three times a night to feed.

Now I think he is doing it because he is emerging from a deep to active sleep cycle and is unable to make this transition without getting upset but I have no idea how deal with it.

Any advice would be really, really appreciated.

[jennyh]

Hi

My 5 month old has always struggled to get past the 45 minute point as well! Does he do it just in the evening or throughout the night as well? with my daughter I worked out that a lot of it depended on her state when she went to sleep in the first place. If she was too sleepy when I put her to bed then she would wake much more easily after 45 mins, then again an hour later, and again etc until her dreamfeed after which point she would usually sleep much better. However if I properly roused her before putting her to bed and she went to sleep on her own then she was much more settled. It is almost as if she would wake up after the first sleep cycle and not know where she is so would cry. however - like you she often cries with her eyes shut so is still sleepy so I guess it is hard for her to get to the deep sleep stage.

It is controversial and not for everyone but we usually leave her when she wakes in the evening hours because I know she is full and dry and is just struggling to get back to sleep rather than there being anything particularly wrong. After 1-10 mins she will settle herself usually but its not very nice to hear her upset granted. If she carries on and it escalates then I know something else is wrong and so pick her up to burp or give her some calpol if she is congested and coldy or offer her some water if she is thirsty. We did do a certain amount of sleep training with her so she I know she is capable of going to sleep on her own and like you say she is often crying with her eyes shut and often stops on her own. Do you go to him straight away or have you given him the chance to try and settle back himself? Do you think he is hungry?

Sadly I don't know what else to offer in the way of suggestions but just want you to know you are not alone, it is very common!!!

Jenny

[cuppa tea]

Alternatively, there is the idea that babies wake every 45 minutes to check where you are. I have found this with both mine and they have gone through phases of waking very frequently from the cot during the first 'shift' when I have put them down on their own. At 10.30, (my bedtime) we co-sleep and they don't wake after that, or perhaps once or twice initially, but not as frequently. i think when they have been able to feel my body and breathing etc, they just felt more secure in sleeping for longer. It depends on where your viewpoint/lifestyle choices are. I found co-sleeping resolved sleep deprivation issues for me, but I know for some families it doesn't work for them.

[edanna]

My son woke every half an hour at 5 months and my health visitor told me to start solids. The official advice is, of course, exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months, but he did start sleeping better almost as soon as he had solids. Coincidence? I'll never know. But it's something to think about.

[Fuschia]

Agree with cuppa tea

It passes, all too quickly it seems, when you look back, this early dependent phase

Babies are designed to sleep lightly and wake slightly to check you are there and they are safe

My tip would be to gently introduce other sleep associations (blanket, play african lullaby on iphone, in my case) and encourage "roll over snuggle down" verbal cue

Although i cosleep, most of the time my baby will have a quick glug of milk or not even bother, but instead make himself comfortable with his blanket and roll back over and resettle himself.

It's worth trying not to encourage an OVER reliance on night time milk as the sleep cue, but it's fine to use it as part of your armoury, along with shush pat and all the other methods. These days are very short days, when you look back.

I promise you will miss those night time moments as you nod sleepily over that little bobbing head... you will miss it with a fierce yearning. I miss it already and mine is only 7m!

[Fuschia]

4-5m is the end of newborn sleep patterns, as the brain develops, and there are various 'wonder weeks'

Google wonder week 19 and 4 month sleep regression...

[cuppa tea]

Fuschia Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

>

> I promise you will miss those night time moments

> as you nod sleepily over that little bobbing

> head... you will miss it with a fierce yearning. I

> miss it already and mine is only 7m!

I feel like this. My youngest is 17 months. It does go so quickly. I can remember how painful I found it with my first child though. You think you are going to die from sleep deprivation it feels so awful! This time round I am loving it all, even being woken. It's just me and the baby. Special time. There's not much time like that to be had these days. It doesn't feel such a big deal because I know how quickly it passes and they will one day sleep all night, every night. It's helped that noone has asked me what my nights are like this time round. With my first baby it was constant and obsessive - used to drive me crazy!!! Just another reason why I am not focused on sleep as much.

[jennyh]

I must say that I used to think that it was she needed the reassurance of us being there when she woke but after a week or so of trying shush patting etc I realised that my presence at her side seemed to make it worse! :( I know that my girl is a very light sleeper and have had countless chats with the midwife and health visitor but its just the way she is. Push around pushchair for 30 mins, finally drops off, cue a police siren 3 streets away and she's up crying immediately! Even the much celebrated 'white noise' is too much noise for her!

Sadly whilst she still likes a cuddle when she is awake and in a milky coma she won't settle on me for naps etc so I do admit to feeling a little powerless for other methods to soothe her. She seems to find it easier on her own rather than me stimulating her or disturbing her, usually it makes her cry more as she becomes more awake with my presence or she will stop and be delighted that I am there but then pretend she is wide awake and ready to get up! However when she is really going for it and something is definitely wrong I feel very proud that I can make it better with a cuddle. Simple pleasures eh!?

F - you are right, I look at newborns at babyclub and really miss that little slumped, floppy baby who would sleep on me for hours and drop off with just a couple of head strokes. Mine now flails around hitting and pushing if she is tired, she's like a teenager!

Back to the original post - like everything, I guess it is a phase, and as Fuschia says - these days are short and if he needs you then that is a lovely thing. Although a little more sleep would be nice I guess!

[mrs f]

I have had to do some sleep training too with our little one, I have to say I'm a bit meaner than jennyh & just let baby f 'cry it out' as he started to wake frequently during the night & wouldn't re-settle. Within 3 nights he was sleeping through to at least 5 am for a feed them back down until 7... Sometimes sleeping through. It's not easy & they can cry for a long time initially but as long as you know they are fed, warm, comfortable etc then they will learn to settle themselves back to sleep... Sometimes baby f wakes in the night (usually around 2) but will go back to sleep within 20 mins...

Good luck!

[mrs f]

We are similar to Jenny in that baby f is actually worse if we go & settle him... Eg the other night random 2am wake up, usually I'd keave him but we had visitors & I didn't want to disturb them, que me up & down for the next 3 hours... The same happened the following night & he cried for 20 mins & went back to sleep for the rest of the night... We still find it hard to listen to but even going in to shhhsh pat or something similar just enrages/stimulates him further & prolongs the settling process.

[KattyKit]

Hi thank you all for your replies.

It is throughout the night and tends to become worse as the night goes on.

The last couple of nights we have started to co-sleep but my husband isn't keen for it to become a permanent thing although I am and I think it does solve our problem somewhat. Does it become difficult to move them back to their own cot once you start to co-sleep?

I am trying to establish other sleep associations other than breast feeding i.e Ewan the dream sheep and this does seem to help a little. I guess I feel as if we have 'regressed' on the sleep front as it seems to be getting harder not easier!

[Moos]

I enjoyed co-sleeping with our second baby, but for us it made the waking more frequent, and he decided he only wanted to sleep while latched on too, which was impossible. If it works for you, then it's a great way to live comfortably with a small baby who needs to feed in the night several times.

What worked for us once I gave up on co-sleeping and put our baby in his own bed was a sleep training method called gradual retreat which took a month to do and was hard work but gradually helped him learn how to go to sleep on his own so that when he came into a light sleep he would settle again. Can dig up an old post if useful.

It is a phase, try not to see it as regression as it stems from your baby developing into a new stage of awareness and maturity of a sort. I think all babies go through it.

For what it's worth, I used to feel terribly guilty (with my first baby) when people advised 'it goes so fast' and 'you'll look back and miss this stage'. I would wonder how I could be so miserable and feel some days went so slowly when more experienced mothers were warning me that the time was passing so quickly and that I'd wish the newborn phase back. Clearly lots of people do, but I never have and find the older baby stage (and the toddler stage and the preschool stage) much more rewarding. Just offering a different perspective.

[Fuschia]

Moos Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

>

> It is a phase, try not to see it as regression as

> it stems from your baby developing into a new

> stage of awareness and maturity of a sort. I

> think all babies go through it.

Yes

It's a regression of sleep due to an advance by the brain!

[Fuschia]

http://www.parentingscience.com/baby-sleep-patterns.html

[cuppa tea]

KattyKit Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

>

> The last couple of nights we have started to

> co-sleep but my husband isn't keen for it to

> become a permanent thing although I am and I think

> it does solve our problem somewhat. Does it

> become difficult to move them back to their own

> cot once you start to co-sleep?

Nothing is permanent! You can always change you mind, change tactics and move in a completely different direction - fortunately kids are more adaptable than adults. It isn't hard to get them back to their own beds...or at least it's no harder than trying to do it now anyway. It's not going to make it worse because they have slept in your bed...I think that's a myth. Possibly that might be true of an older child, say 4 year old, but not a baby. My eldest moved back to his own bed at about 18 months I think. We did consciously wean him at night at the same age and he was angry about it, but he was cuddled and didn't cry alone. This time around I haven't bothered with any kind of night weaning. But then I have a more placid child. Like Moos's experience, my eldest wanted to hang off my boob all night and it is hard work when they do that. It's not happened the second time round, so I guess it depends on the nature of your child as to how do do things.

[Saffron]

KattyKit Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Hi thank you all for your replies.

>

> It is throughout the night and tends to become

> worse as the night goes on.

>

> The last couple of nights we have started to

> co-sleep but my husband isn't keen for it to

> become a permanent thing although I am and I think

> it does solve our problem somewhat. Does it

> become difficult to move them back to their own

> cot once you start to co-sleep?

Husband had to admit defeat, and we went back to co-sleeping with Little Saff a couple months ago (She's now 18 mo, and had been sleeping separately since last Sept.) Husband now has to sleep in the spare room, as Little Saff kicks him in her sleep (poetic justice?). Husband never does the nighttime settling. Months of slogging up and down the hall multiple times a night were making me a crazy person. It was a question of co-sleeping vs sanity. Mr Saff still isn't keen on the co-sleeping, but he had to admit that it is better than having a crazy wife -- or NO wife. Moving Little Saff back to her own bed / own room? We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. xx

[KattyKit]

Saffron I agree! We co-slept last night and it was the best nights sleep I have had in five months.

My husband has had to give in as like you I was me getting up a million times and I really couldn't carry on. I told him (as cuppa tea) just because he is coming into our bed now it doesn't mean he will still be there when he is five.

X

[Moi23]

I would generally start the night out with my little one in his own bed, then he would come into bed with me when he woke up for a feed. When I gave up breastfeeding at around 4 months he started sleeping through more often, so would not end up in our bed. It's a hard one though, because although I deeply appreciated an uninterrupted night, I did miss that closeness. Also, when he was little he'd fall asleep in my arms and then I'd put him in bed, but now (at 14 months) my presence just seems to distract him from sleeping and there's just simply nothing for it but to give him a kiss and cuddle and put him in his cot. He cries for a while and then sleeps. If I go in and try to reassure him/pat him/whatever, it just seems to get him going even more.

[cuppa tea]

KattyKit Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Saffron I agree! We co-slept last night and it

> was the best nights sleep I have had in five

> months.

>

> My husband has had to give in as like you I was me

> getting up a million times and I really couldn't

> carry on. I told him (as cuppa tea) just because

> he is coming into our bed now it doesn't mean he

> will still be there when he is five.

> X

Glad you got some sleep :) You just got to do whatever you can to make life easier for yourself. Especially with a 1st baby. At the end of the day, i am guessing it's you getting up to attend to the baby rather than you husband.

[bluesuperted]

Another vote for cosleeping as a great way of getting MUCH more sleep. I never thought I'd cosleep but I love the closeness, love the extra sleep and my husband rarely goes to the spare room (3x in last six months) as he sleeps better too. It's not forever and at 11 months I can already tell that my boy needs me less and less at night (outside of feedings) as he sleeps further away and doesn't need constant snuggles/contact. I know I will miss him so much when he goes to his own bed/room and I'm happy to keep cosleeping until it stops working for him and us.

Good luck with getting more shut eye!