No post for last three days

[orlakeilyhandbag]

I was wondering if anyone else has not received any post for the last few days, or is it just me?

[Bellenden Belle]

I have no idea if this is a defined "developmental stage" but I definitely had same-sex crushes as a teenager and I think it was absolutely normal. Crushes are odd things - often they are just an enthusiastic admiration of someone - watching and looking at someone we'd rather like to be ourselves.

What is absolutely fantastic about your post is that you say you're absolutely happy if he was. Make that clear and create a house where things can be discussed openly and you're giving him the best place to be, whatever his sexuality.

I wonder if he has brought the subject himself? Nine is still young (though I imagine nine year olds are older than when I was that age) and I think it's useful to not make a huge thing about this, treating it with the same tenderness and possible humour, one would any junior-school crush - whilst treating any questions he has seriously and thoughtfully.

[Sanne Panne]

No wise input here but I love your attitude. It's probably just "any" obsession/admiration but it's sooo important that there's no parental prejudice... if it doesn't apply to him then it'll contribute to him being a more tolerant child to others who will have same sex interests on the long run. Sorry, as I said, I can't speculate as I don't have any relevant experience (yet).

[DJKillaQueen]

Too early to know what your son means. He probably isn't giving it a second thought either. Most gay people (and I'm one) don't define their feelings until well into their teens and some even later than that. And as others have pointed out, children can have crushes for all kinds of reasons.....none of them to do with sexuality. I wouldn't worry about him. The best thing for you as a parent to do is to have the kind of relationship with your son where he feels he can share his feelings if he needs/ wants to. Beyond that, the rest will come from him in his own good time.

[chantelle]

i don't think you can really know at that age. same sex crushes are definitely normal. just try to avoid obssessions - bad for everyone involved!

[orlakeilyhandbag]

?

[KidKruger]

My boy often says he'll one day marry his mate (which mate can vary weekly). It doesn't signify anything at all. It's not worth even having a conversation about with your boy about it IMO as your raising something that is literally nothing, no need for warnings, no need for being careful about anything. The only danger I can see so far is the awkwardness that may be instilled in the little chap about having to care what other people thing about him and his acceptability socially. Kids have enough to deal with on that level already as they grow up.

I'd not raise anything, only time to is if problems of any nature actually arise and are mentioned by your boy.

One of my nephews grew up behaving in many different ways and people in the family started talking about whether he was gay or not (though never with the lad himself). At 18 he surprised everyone by announcing he was gay. His Father and older brother disowned him (as he'd predicted they would) but he'd got himself a good place at University far away and had his sights set on starting a new life and exploring it well away from the constraints of the provincially-minded county we come from. I think my nephew has enough to deal with NOW (in respect of issues with his relationships with his family) without having been constantly warned as he grew-up about 'acting' 'gay' since being a little boy, and potentially building-up paranoia about who he is 'supposed' to be.

On another note, at the age of your boy kids may not always be particularly switched-on to what gay actually means. My son of similar age to yours asked recently "because you wear pink trainers does that mean you're gay ?". I said well it doesn't mean that I am or am not gay, it doesn't mean anything at all, it's just a colour. I said what does gay mean ? He said he didn't know what it meant !! When I told him his Auntie and her female partner, another Auntie (who have 2x daughters) are gay (as an example of what gay could be) he said, "no they're not, they're just and " !!!

Making sure that gay / non-gay is a non-issue everywhere surely means not raising it unless there's a reason to ?

[midivydale]

You seem to be a wonderful who enjoys a great relationship with your son. You have given him the stability and confidence to confide in you and gay or not - that is price less.

I would let time tell. Encourage his confidence and keep building on the strong foundation that the two of you seem to share. I too had crushes on my girl friends throughout childhood and teenage years. I understand now that they were more to do with identity searching and perhaps envy. Ie I wanted to have/be what other girls were or had.

You do not really know what is what at the age of 9. My little sister wanted to marry me when she was 8 and she became hysterical when we told her that was not possible (as we were related not because we were both girls:).