manners

[caz6868]

hi everyone,just al ittle moan about manners in ed.i visit the area twice a week at least as my mum lives off lordship lane.i find it quite sad that many mums,dads and folk have no manners.for example whilst walking down lordship lane with buggy and 9yr old on saturday i pull to one side to allow dad and baby space to pass,he walks on by with head held high.my daughter says"mum that man did not say thank you" i replied "not to worry as long as you do thats all thats whats important".

she loves when someone says thank you,she will always tell them your welcome.

just want to say be nicer ,hold doors ,say thanks.i often talk to strangers and there children.i always comment if i see a person man/woman looking good.all this makes me happy.pass this posite attitude on to all who will embrace it.xxx

[bonniebird]

Same in the park, I make my dog wait when parents and children go whizzing past on bikes, they can see her waiting and I reckon 2 out of 10 say thank you, not a good lesson in front of the children, manners cost nothing

[archimissa2]

This isn't one of those "it was much better then" rants (some things were and some weren't) - but I've lived in ED for over 20 years and the biggest change I see on the streets is this. Time and time again I've held doors open or stood aside with heavy shopping to let parents with buggies or small children on foot go by - for them not even to acknowledge the gesture, let alone say thank you. I know parenthood can be a challenge but really, it's hard to miss someone who's deliberately opened a door for you or who's waiting with a friendly smile for you to pass. Of course some people do say thanks but for the many who don't, if you can't manage a thank you or a smile, a nod at least would help restore faith in what I see described on this forum as the wonderful community spirit of East Dulwich. Glad to know you and your daughter are there, Caz6868!

[nununoolio]

This disease has spread from the heart of Dulwich as far as Peckham Rye Park now. Many a time in the park I have seen people approaching looking at me so I smile, nod and say hello only for them to avert their gaze with no acknowledgement. Who needs manners when you have money! (and I'm not saying that all people with money have no manners but most people with no manners do seem rather well off!)

Luckily Peckham Rye Park is still populated 80/20 by people with the good grace to greet fellow park users, though on Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Day the balance was about 50/50. If that level (or worse!) becomes the norm, I'm emigrating to Catford!

A good tip for dealing with those who don't acknowledge you holding a door open or stepping aside for them is to say, very loudly, "Don't mention it" or something like "I hope you find them soon" which should elicit the response "Find what?" leading to "Your manners."

[Wearethegowlett]

One of the best things I have entrenched in my children is their instinctive "My pleasure mate" response to a perceived lack of basic manners. They can behave badly, make my life occasional hell, but nothing gives me as much pleasure as watching them realise that what I have been saying every time I've given them anything without a thank you is actually based in a ritual process of awareness and sensitivity.

My life and business is about service, and we are here to serve. That doesn't make my employees servants. Unless you grew up with an entire team of staff doing the sh1t your mum and dad were taught by their parents that these people were born to do, you have no excuse. And if you are one of those, we have a whole new set of issues to discuss, but ultimately it's not your fault until you hear and don't listen.

Whilst I'm in ranting mode, what are the chances of the EDF championing my #guerillagritting scheme? It's kind of an extension of manners, really...

[Salsaboy]

If I hold a door open for someone in the shops and don't get a 'thank you', I say very loudly 'You're welcome'. Most times they look round with a puzzled look on their faces. Makes me happy.

[lane lover]

Isnt this a part of everyday life all around London? Its nothing particular to ED ...

Slow news day.

[edcam]

Particularly prevalent here though lane lover.

[StraferJack]

"Particularly prevalent here though lane lover."

absolute nonsense

if you are looking for bad manners you will find them, in fact it's all you will notice

But despite the changing nature of Ed over the years I'm constantly surprised by how friendly it is - something also noted by visitors from more rural parts of these islands

I would say that when performing the usual "no no after you"/opening the door for others type stuff, I get a well mannered and friendly reply about 95% of the time

Ridiculously high average

[StraferJack]

"manners" are a funny thing tho

At the weekend I saw some people sit at a table with a reserved sign on it - one of those "reserved at 8pm but feel free to sit here until then " type things

When the people arrived for that table, at that time, the waitress very politely reminded them of this notice and asked them to vacate the table

they put up a bit of resistance and spent rest of the evening curdling the milk whilst (and I heard them) berating the manners of the staff and people "reserving" tables

Tossers. Didn't stop them complaining about "other peoples' manners" tho

[*Bob*]

Perceived 'bad manners' often have a strange magnetic pull towards those most likely to get all uppity about bad manners.

One day The Boffins will come-up with an explanatory equation, I expect.

[Chillaxed]

I believe the boffins have already come up with a watertight theory.

nununoolio Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

Who needs manners when you have money! (and I'm not

saying that all people with money have no manners

but most people with no manners do seem rather

well off!)

[*Bob*]

We're just one step away from somebody mentioning the middle classes. I can feel that class-ometer twitching.

Come on - LET'S DO IT - it's been nearly a week.

[????]

...buggies already mentioned.....

[StraferJack]

.. albeit by the OP with a child

[maxxi]

There are some parts of the city where a sarky "You're welcome!" called after an ingrate will have the latter turn on you with a "You trying to be fucking funny mate?" - I think ED*, if not always well mannered, at least has the good grace to be embarrassed when it's pointed out.

*Acknowledging the usual yes-I-know-its-a-generalisation clause.

[StraferJack]

"*Acknowledging the usual yes-I-know-its-a-generalisation clause."

such politeness

[maxxi]

It's the ED effect. Try me again when I get to Dagenham.

[the-e-dealer]

Pushing past saying sorry. Wish I had a gun! I would ofcourse say "Sorry" as I shot them Or would it be "excuse Me?"

[Jessie]

lack of thank yous for allowing people past is a pet hate of mine, but I don't think it has anything to do with social class. Just as likely to happen anywhere as it is in East Dulwich.

[Chillaxed]

I'm a fan of doffing my cap in thanks. I wonder whether people miss this sometimes.

My wife thinks I'm a complete tool when I do it mind.

[Siduhe]

This made me think of an experience I had on the 63 bus a couple of years ago. A woman got on with a double buggy - the bus wasn't particularly full but she pushed her way onto the bus aggressively and without any acknowledgement of people who moved to let her in. This led to a bit of tutting and sighing as well as a few sarcastic "you're welcome's".

About 10 mins later I noticed she was trying hard not to cry and asked her if she was alright. She burst into tears and said she dreaded getting on the bus every day because people were so rude to her about her buggy and the fact she had two small children and she'd tried being nice but it didn't work and the only thing that worked was being aggressive and she hated it, but it was the only way for her to guarantee getting on the bus and being able to drop her kids off at childcare on time, because she was scared about losing her job if she kept being late.

I've thought about this a lot since then. Like most people on the bus, I thought this woman was incredibly rude and let her know it (with a dirty look). Whereas she was actually pretty much at the end of her tether because she knew how we would see her. And I still feel quite ashamed about that when I think about it.

I think *Bob* is pretty much spot on (even with sarcasm detector enabled) - there are expectations of manners on both sides which lead to this sort of stress/tension and make us much more quick to spot "rudeness". So when I hold a door now, I think of that woman and I try and do it with a genuine smile and acknowledgement rather than an expectation of response. There will always be rude people with no manners or awareness, but most people do respond to a friendly smile. And those that don't aren't worth it.

[LondonMix]

Great post.

[the-e-dealer]

Yes be nice, just don't expect everyone else to be and they might just have a reason why they aren't!

[bloonoo]

I find the worst people are the yummy mummy and daddy types who let their children run wild on their stupid little scooters, the children then crash into you and low and behold it's your fault for being in the way. Happened to me several times and it's very irritating-parents of east dulwich, control your children!