Yelling 6 year old

[susyp]

Just wondered if anyone had experienced a sudden behaviour change at age 6? I am putting this dine to tiredness at the end of term but my daughters also finding it hard to sleep so,it's hard to crack. She is yelling and screaming at me on a daily basis. She has also been hitting and punching me but that I have largely managed to stop. She's had tantrums when younger but these are not tantrums, just ongoing! She woke up at 12 last night and screamed at me when I went into settle- full body tantrum like a 2 year old. I yelled at bit- I try and stop,but it's hard not to after a while of her yelling at me- so first stage I know I have to stop responding in kind. I took her into my bed and held her and she slept but only lightly so when I moved her back it all started again. It's like she's changed personality- she wasn't

I've this at all 2 weeks ago.

2 more days of term and then she has a day at my parents thank god who are very calm and then I have a week off and have planned day trips for us to do together which in the past has always helped when we get into a pattern like this. We ve never had something of this extremity though, I,have never seen any child behave how she is.

I am clear that. I need to find a calm way of dealing with her as the first stage so any tips welcome,

She doesn't do this with my husband and he is much more a yeller than me

[shaunag]

Hi. I recently experienced something similar with my three year old-in the end I withdrew her from nursery. The nursery assured me there was nothing going on, but since taking her out she has largely reverted to her happier and calmer former self. I'm convinced she was being bullied-she is quite articulate but I don't think she could express what was going on. It will be interesting to see if your daughter improves out of school; my bet is she will. With my lo screaming back just escalates and prolongs the situation. It is really hard to stay calm I know (I'm not brilliant at it) but when I do the mood diffuses far quicker. Hope your little girl becomes happier soon!

[shaunag]

Oh, I also talk to her when she is calm about how the shouting and fighting makes me sad. She then says it makes her sad too. We then make a deal not to fight; when things start going pear shaped we raise the 'deal' and it does help to calm things down. I also make a fuss of when we have a day when we haven't had a fight saying it makes me really happy. I don't know if this type of reasoning will work with a six year old but anything is worth a try...

[susyp]

Thank you for your post. Yes we've talked about it and both vowed not to shout- then after she has shouted at me for a while I might respond -then she reminds me of our deal. sigh.

yes I think it will get better once she is out of school. She does normally tell me when something is worrying her , but not if I ask her outright, it normally just comes out at bedtime, after we've had a nice day together, so I am going to be open to that, although I think it is just tiredness. Although you have made me think as I also withdrew her from a nursery when she was 2 as she started behaving like this.

We're going to do a lot next week to try and get her to sleep better which in turn will hopefully help with the tiredness - she is going to bed quite late by the time she'll let me leave her, and waking up very early, which is unusual that she does both.

She came down this morning bright and lovely which adds to my feeling it's tiredness! Last night she was having those full body tantrums they have when they are 2 (or she did), when she was 2 I used to hold her tight until it was over but I can't do that now as she is bigger and it goes on longer!

susypx

[EDmummy]

All sound like pretty normal stages children will go through. Children WILL have trantrums, WILL get cross and WILL be defiant. The key is helping them understand and manage their moods and to identify the boundaries you set. Removing them from situations does not equip them for learning how to cope as they mature. Strategies I've used for one child, have not worked on my other child. Understand them as individuals and you will understand how to help them help themself through these stages in their life (I'm not for a moment suggesting that you don't undrstand you child).

[nunheadmum]

I think that lots of kids are really knackered by the end of the summer term. It really takes it's toll on my two. Essentially totally knackered and all that goes with that. My 6 year old had a major melt-down the other day - she hasn't done that for a good while but real just not able to control herself. My 8 year old is in major grump mode.

I think there's also an issue of uncertainty too - what exactly this 'summer holiday' that everyone is telling them to be excited about really means, the change in routine, maybe new summer clubs too, not to mention unsure about what will happen next term back at school with a new teacher. For my eldest I think this is the biggest element as she's quite shy and doesn't like change.

I find that just giving them time to chill at the start of the holidays can help. Low key activities with some level of normality work for us to bring them down. But you'll know your own child better in terms of what works for them. I've found that going on holiday at the start of the break is a real no-no for us - too much new stuff to cope with.

Hopefully a week or so in and you'll have your lovely daughter back!

[canela]

also there are so many end-of-term parties, sports days etc etc that it does drag on a bit. I think we all need some lounging time.

we have friends from Spain staying at the moment. they keep asking when the kids are finally going to be out of school...and must agree I feel the same!

[susyp]

She came out of school in tears on class changeover day when all the others were excited- happens every year so yes that could be contributing. Lots of good thoughts thanks!

[Pickle]

Agree - emotions have been running high in my daughters class (year 1). So much for them to take in, over-excitement coupled with insecurity, and hot nights meaning low quality sleep. Not a good combination!

[susyp]

I ve decided to do at night what I did when she was a baby- if she won't let me leave her without lots of hysterical crying then ill just stay until she settles! I was worried she would expect it but she is normally ok to reason with so will get over this hump and then tackle that! If its partly excitement over tiredness and insecurity I can see that she d want me to stay, even if she doesn't have the most appropriate persuasion technique!

[Convex]

This is totally off topic but did you know you can get sleeping bags with a memory foam base? Called duvalay. Looking at it for our camper but it did cross my mind that it would be good for those of us that spend nights in with unsettled kids!

(I have no advice, kids much younger, but i hope things improve x)