Advice about childcare during second birth (ie when you already have a child)

[GlamourBug]

Hi

I am giving birth to our second in June, and by then will have a 2 year old. We don't have local childcare support ie family that we can call on last-minute when I go into labour. What have other people done? Is there an organisation locally who can help with such events? We'd like someone we can call very last minute to look after the little one until a member of our family arrive (or possibly to look after throughout the birth), so we'd have to get to know them a little bit presumably...!

Any thoughts? What have other people done who don't have family nearby?

Thanks all!

x

[acb2013]

Congratulations! We also don't have family anywhere near. We were fortunate in having a friend (who has her own 2 children but still offered) and our childminder at the time both say they'd help out with our 2.5 year old until family arrived, even if it was the middle of the night. In the end my parents set off from up north when I had early signs of labour and our youngest was born the next day. Definitely call on friends if they'd be able to cover for a couple of hours in an emergency. Sure most people wouldn't mind to be asked. Others may be able to recommend if nanny agencies can help out. Good luck!

[Jessicas429]

We both have parents in different parts of Essex- like you I was really fretting about this. We had about three friends/more distant family members all fairly local who offered to assist with looking after our 2 year old until closer family arrived. I figured people wouldn't offer if they didn't mean it. I'm sure once the time comes nearer, people will offer and if not, sure friends wouldn't mind being asked.

Not sure if this is helpful, but I played out the worst case scenario in my head which was my husband not being there for a couple of hours of labour/or birth(!) until family arrived. Once I'd come to terms with that being a (very slight) possibility it didn't seem to bad, and of course that didn't happen.

Best of luck

Jess X

[Convex]

We had 4 or 5 people on call. In the end I had my son around for the first bit and then was alone for a bit until a friend arrived to help but it was totally fine.

[hmt1979]

Congratulations GlamourBug, we were in the same situation as you, I posted the same question a few months ago - here is the link to the thread http://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/forum/read.php?29,1370143,1370143#msg-1370143 I was really worried about this as we had no family closeby. As my due date drew closer, people who I did not think of to ask were offering their help - a neighbour, our childminder and a work colleague of mine. i agree with the above posting, everyone who offered help were mothers themselves with more than one child and as labour is a once-off favour, I really don't think that people who offer help would mind being called in the middle of the night if necessary. In the end, I called my sister who works in north London (but lives in Hertfordshire) to come and stay when I was in early labour - luckily it saved 2am phonecalls! Best of luck with it!

[astrid83]

We are in the same boat...

Due to give birth any day now and with no family in this country, and we have never had a baby sitter or anyone else looking after our 18-month old son. Lots of friends offered to help but as we are not used leaving him with anyone I know inwouldnt be relaxed about it , specially as is still quite young. In the end we decided that my husband will not be there for the birth but instead look after our son, and that I will have a doula to support me instead. Not everyone would be happy with that plan but in our case I feel its for the best!

[GlamourBug]

Thank you EVERYONE for your comments. That's really helpful, and reassuring to hear of others in the same position. We're a few months away from birth and I've not yet had those generous offers... but I'm sure they'll come nearer the time! Astrid, the doula idea is interesting, how did you find one?

Thanks again to everyone.

[Strawbs]

We had various people 'on call' so weekdays it was friends of ours with a child at the same nursery as our son who he knew extremely well and weekends a mix of MIL and our eldest's godparents. My waters broke at midnight so friend came over and stayed, her husband then brought their daughter to our house at 8am and took them both to nursery and collected them and brought my son back to my house to my MIL until my partner got home (I'd had the baby by the ), partner then dropped eldest at nursery the next morning and came to collect us off post natal.

My advice is have a few good friends on call and be very clear about who is needed when and have them on call from 37 weeks as the day I told my friends that they now need to keep their phones off silent I went in to labour (37+1).

I was stressed out if my mind about it but it all worked out fine. Good luck x

[katgod]

I did same, friends on standby. None had ever 'had' or been 'left with' my son, they were tea group pals with kids same age who were happy to have him for what they knew would be limited period of time, ie until by inlaws arrived from approx 2 hours away. In fact tea group were all out and didn't hear their phones, so called on another friend who my son Had seen even less of. But a 2 year old, biscuits, a drink, cbeebies and someone else's toys for a couple of hours- he was fine. In laws collected him from friends house. Hubby spent less time with me after birth, be suze he needed to be with toddler more. Third time round was induced so could get sitters ou ex up better.

[Jellybeanz]

Dulwich childcare?

[Jemmarc]

I recently had our second child and it was a bit different as I had to have a C-section but we hada neighbour look after my 20 month old son. I rushed to Kings in a taxi in the early hours and my other half followed later when childcare was arranged. My son didn't know anything about it and my other half rushed home for him getting up in the morning. Sorry, long-winded way of saying it is worth considering friends/neighbours/professional nannies even if your son isn't used to being left with them as if you are lucky like us it may all happen at night when he's asleep.

I also considered hiring a nanny/babysitter who wouldn't mind coming to Kings and hanging out in the park nearby or cafe in the hospital so that my other half could dash out from the labour ward and see my son if he wasn't happy. Wouldn't have been ideal but we were in a similar situation to you with no family nearby. And it was Christmas so most friends had gone away.

Worst case scenario I prepared myself for having the baby alone. I think once you've got your head around that it's easier to think more clearly about other solutions.

Good luck - I'm sure it will be fine in the end.

[astrid83]

GlamourBug, I had a look at doula.co.uk and just did a search for doulas in south east London. They do get booked up so I would suggest not leaving it too late, we didn't decide on hiring a doula until a month before my due date and found it a bit tricky to find someone who was free!

[craigy]

I was very stressed about this in the run up to the birth of my second.

Had lots of friends willing, bought an inflatable bed to go with him and packed him a little bag.

Didn't really like the idea of dropping him off somewhere in the middle of the night.

Had believe that it would all work out in the end and it did.

My sister decided to drive 120 miles one day on a whim with her 7 month old what i was 38+6 weeks.

She rang me in the morning to check I wasn't it labour- no signs of anything happening.

Am hour into her journey my waters broke!!Problem solved, she took him home with her later that day and bought him back 2 days later...

[Pugwash]

I would get to know a small number of people i.e. in a playgroup, or toddler activity, with luck they will get to know your toddler and offer to care for him for a few hours