What is it with you women, and the need to freak each other out?

[Keef]

Yesterday, a colleague announced that she was pregnant. I said congrats, I'm very pleased for you.

My female colleagues also said congrats, and then within seconds, started telling horror stories about their labours.

When my wife was pregnant, she noticed this phenomenon also, and it absolutely did her nut in!

Basically, everyone's experience is different, so one person's labour story is effectively irrelevant to every other human being in the world. My colleague looked really uncomfortable, and worried, and she's at the stage where she should just be over the moon.

Why do women do it to each other?!?!?!?

STOP IT NOW!

PS. I'm sure not all women do it, so please don't get all affronted and tell me to p!ss off, I just wondered if anyone else had an opinion on it.

[legalbeagle]

I'm afraid Keef you have identified a very common phenomenon. No idea at all why some women feel the need to do this, it is really annoying when you are on the receiving end and can really worry some people! I'm sure also that people exaggerate stories to make them even worse. I remember one woman telling me that she'd needed two hundred stiches after giving birth!! I pointed out that the only way this would be physically possible is if the surgeon was embroidering his name on her thigh.......

[The Nappy Lady]

Yep, I don't get it either. It is why I always try to tell my very positive birth stories - this is what women need to hear...not the bad stuff.

By all means compare battle scars after the event, but not when someone is pregnant and facing it all, especially for the first time.

WHY, WHY, WHY??????

[jrthomas_uk]

Although I have to say when I was pregnant I lapped up all birth stories, even the horror ones. I was glued to You Tube as well.

Morbid facination I think.

[Jojo]

Yes I watched loads of vids on youtube when I was pregnant much to my husband's horror. Noone told me any horror stories luckily so I was quite chilled during pregnancy, thinking 'it won't be that bad'. I know the truth now haha!

[Sanne Panne]

If you've had a traumatising labour it's important to be able to talk about it with other people but indeed: please exclude pregnant women from your target audience (most of all first time mums to be)! Anxiety isn't going to make anyone's labour better. I had a great and easy labour so can't fully understand or judge the need to tell a horror story but again, I agree that you should be very careful when picking your audience.

Of course this thread is going to give you the idea that NOBODY here would EVER tell a horror story to a newly pregnant woman ;-)

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

I didn't mind all the stories, I knew labour was not going to be easy or wonderful, and I loved hearing all the different stories, I watched videos, read stories online etc, though I still had a shock when I went into labour, I knew it was going to be painful but blimey, I didn't think it was going to be THAT painful despite all the horror stories!

[lorraineliyanage]

I thought there is an unwritten rule of keeping quiet about the horror stories of labour until AFTER the birth? at least that's how it's been amongst my friends.

[Belle]

it's not just women though...our IT man regaled me with a blow by blow description of his wife's terrible labour when I was about 7 months pregnant...

[EDmummy]

I never discuss my two horrific births with anyone of child bearing age!

[plimsoul]

i think you have to judge it by the individual but i'm also dead against pretending that it's all great as that too is a lie and been a repeated lie for years. some women are more shocked when having believed that it would all go to plan not only does it not but it is also quite horrific.

it's a shame to spoil the fun of being pregnant so judge who you are talking to, but there's no point lying either.

[lorraineliyanage]

I think it's worth censoring any version of it until a woman has given birth. Anyone with a bit of common sense knows that a big-headed baby coming out of a small hole is never going to be an easy task, but perhaps sparing the gory stuff about tearing, forceps and the many other horrors are best left alone!

My daughter was very overdue, and all the "Oh my god you are MASSIVE / that baby is going to weigh 12 pounds" comments didn't really help much when I was lumping my 2 week overdue bump around!

[littleEDfamily]

My worst comment was from my sister who said (flippantly), "You'll need a c-section. I had to have one, and so did mum". I don't mind the gory stories (like JR Thomas, morbid fascination, and I reckon they harden you up!), it's the 'know it all comments' (for which men are just as bad), where people decree that since x happened to them, x will happen to you - they're by far the most annoying!!!

[R&A]

i was due yesterday and i'm really really scared. If i hadn't heard the horror stories from my friends, i'd have found them on line anyway. It's easy to research how/when/where things can go wrong if that's the sort of person you are.

however, that's how some people deal with major events. I'm the same with exams or moving house etc.

if you think it's going to be TERRIBLE at least then you're prepared or you could be surprised that it wasn't as bad as you'd feared... I think i heard this approached being called 'defensive pessimism' or something

On the positive side I'm not going to feel like i've 'failed' cos i haven't followed my birth plan.

Hopefully i'm prepared for the unexpected. I think that's probably as prepared as you can be...

fingers xed

[lorraineliyanage]

fingers crossed R&A!

[bawdy-nan]

I'm reluctant to talk about my births at all - both were fine; more than fine, actually brilliant and exciting and rather marvellous. Those stories don't go down very well either. Really I want to bang on about why homebirth and active labour and water and no pain relief made my experience of giving birth one of themost thrilling experiences of my life but I feel there's a very strong sense that you really shouldn't impose your opinion or experience on anyone else.

[lorraineliyanage]

bawdy-nan, I must admit after an unsuccessful homebirth that ended up in a c-section, i always feel a bit short-changed when people tell me stories about their brilliant births, but i'd still be tempted to try for a homebirth again!

[Keef]

Just to say that of course people need to talk about these experiences. I simply mean these people who seem to almost take pleasure in scaring already nervous people.

[curlykaren]

I have found the phenomenon of horror birth story telling so prevalant that I actually get embarrassed that it wasn't like that for me at all. I punish myself with the thought that if I ever have another child it will probably be horrific...best to quit while I'm ahead!

R&A, lots of luck for a speedy birth x

[Pickle]

Curlykaren, I feel the same. Two easy births with no pain relief despite being induced at 37 weeks both times - I had been told every induction related horror story known to woman! Dare I say I even enjoyed the experience :) But it's almost harder having found it fairly easy, as you don't want to tell people and get their hopes up in case it's not the same for them - whereas with a horror story at least you can go with the "nothing can be as bad as my experience" approach!

R&A, good luck! Keep us posted.

[Sanne Panne]

Keef Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Just to say that of course people need to talk

> about these experiences. I simply mean these

> people who seem to almost take pleasure in scaring

> already nervous people.

I agree, I was mainly being PC ;-)

[????]

Interestingly blokes don't talk about being there as a bloke AT ALL in my experience and, whilst of course what a bloke goes through is absolutely nothing compared to a woman, it is still is an emotional rollercoaster and in my experience at times extremley scary experience, seeing your loved one and your child to be going through labour with very little ability to influence. I was shell shocked the first time and remeber thinking in the middle of it 'I can't go through this again*' utterly pathetic as that sounds!!! but it really was a big shock. My wife said that I'm really helpful and supportive but I feel like I'm a useless, frightened bystander

*Third time yesterday only a few scary moments :))

[woofmarkthedog]

Congratulations ?????

Tell us all the gory details then ?

Oh, erm...I mean ..... He or She

W**F

[iaineasy]

well done quids congratulations!!

[KalamityKel]

You know it's not just mums talking to pregnant women... non pregnant women hear the stories too.... STOP IT!!!