Caring for Elderly Relatives

[MrsP]

Just wondered if anyone has had any experience in caring for elderly relatives who do not live close by. Has anyone had experience of hiring private carers or been down the social services route? Would be particularly interested in finding out about how to recruit and vet reliable daily help for at home. Seems a bit of a minefield and am very keen to ensure my relative's wishes are at the heart of any decisions made.

[EmilyPie]

We're going through a similar thing with my husband's mother at the moment. We used a private firm of caters for a couple of weeks, coming in twice a day. However, my MIL wanted this stopped after they left the front door unlocked over night a couple of times. She now has a woman who used to do her cleaning once a fortnight come in every day and help her get washed, get meals etc. makes us a bit anxious as we've never met her and she isn't a trained caree, but my MIL likes her. Have come to the conclusion that the only solutions that will work are ones she is happy with, even if it seems a bit unconventional. We are also in the process of getting an assessment from social services. That will tell us what kind of help she is entitled to from the LA. is very slow process so worth starting sooner rather than later. We also got her into a care home for 2 weeks of respite care. She was quite keen on this but actually the experience was pretty grim. It was useful though in that it decided her on focusing on getting help in her own home. PM me if you want more details on any of the above. Good luck!

[cathy p j]

I do sympathise with you. I have been caring for my very elderly parents (mother now 90, father 93) at a distance over the past few years. They live 150 miles away in Staffordshire (3-4 hours drive) with no family nearby, so the only option for me has been to stay for several days at a time. As their situation slowly deteriorated, I have been down the social services route and found it helpful in most respects, although I agree that things can move slowly unless there is a crisis. Social services offered residential respite care for my father several times a year to give my mother a break, and specialist social workers were very helpful in offering practical help with my mother's hearing and sight impairment.

My father had a crisis in August while I was away for a few days, and social services were brilliant - carers in place immediately, equipment delivered the same day, key safe placed outside house to ensure access for key workers, GP and district nurse called in. Unfortunately he is no longer able to be cared for at home, and he is now in a nursing home in Staffordshire, so my current worry is whether my mother can stay at home on her own, where she is lonely and miserable, or whether she might be better moving into the same care home as my father. This is a real dilemma for the family.

One important issue is whether your elderly relative has capacity to make their own decisions. If they do, then social services will want to ensure that they are in agreement with any decisions made on their behalf.

Another piece of advice, if you haven't already done it and assuming your relative still has the mental capacity to give consent, is to obtain a Lasting Power of Attorney to enable you or another relative or friend to manage their affairs. This has proved invaluable for me when dealing with various agencies.

Cathy

[curlykaren]

Yes first place to start is social services. I didn't find they were at all slow but that probably depends a lot on local authority. I did find it useful, even though my grandmother at 93 is totally lucid, to personally attend the meetings (sounds formal but it's just a home visit from the social worker), this is because my grandmother would massively downplay her own needs. I think this is pretty common so its important that you are there to gently remind them of falls, toilet needs etc.

They will help you work out financial entitlement and contribution of any care plan you decide on. My grandmother moved to an Abbeyfield, is this something that would suit your situation or you have considered? Alongside this she has a carer from an agency to come in every morning, just for twenty mins, to make sure she is up, make the bed and breakfast. The thing I have been most worried about is her care from her GP so also make sure you have GP details and call them directly if there is anything you are concerned about.

Good luck, it is really difficult to know what to do for the best so hope it works out for you. Karen.

[Goodliz]

A long time ago I worked for an organisation called Community Service Volunteers http://www.csv.org.uk/volunteering

They are like a VSO in the uk. In some cases they provided volunteers who would live in with people for 12 months. I suppose a bit like an au pair. The volunteer receives a small allowance for expenses etc.

As I say this was a long time ago - about 15 years so their scope of provision is bound to have changed. It could be worth checking out what they now provide.

They are a well established organisation and I know all their volunteers are vetted etc.

[MrsP]

Thank you for your messages and for sharing your stories. Am lucky to not have any capacity issues to deal with at present and we have powers of attorney set up. Will be getting the ball rolling with social services in new year. Great to know am not alone!

[Pugwash]

If your relative has the space she may be interested in Homeshare. A national organisation which matches up people who are usually working or students, with an older (or disabled person) in return for a reasonable rent, the sharer has to provide so may hours practical assistance per week i.e shopping, housework, cooking but not personal care.

Personal Budgets - the Government requires all local authorities to encourage those who require (and are eligible) for care packages, to have this provided via a personal budget. If following an assessment of needs, your relative is entitled to say 25 hours a week assistance with personal care including toileting, medication prompting, basic domestic tasks i.e. hovering/washing floors and work surfaces, laundry, and shopping etc. The local authority will give a sum of money equating to the 25 hours care which SSD would normally supply via their contracted agencies. The fair access to charging guidelines would apply and your relative's income and expenditure would be taken into account as to whether they would need to contribute in any way. Once a PB is approved - you have a choice of having care provided by an agency used by the council, or employing someone directly. If you employ someone you are responsible for the NI contributions and taxation paperwork etc. But most councils have an arrangement with various voluntary organisations who will take on the administration for you.

if you go down the personal assistance route, there are organisations who will do the various checks for you. If your MIL needs help with her transfers or mobility it would be wise in getting someone who has been on a manual handling course, essential if the person needs to use a hoist.

In reply to cathypj - if your parents own their own home, and your mother moves into a care home, the local authority

will probably advise selling the property to fund fees. In the case of a couple - if one goes into a care home, the other remaining in the home, the value of the property will not be taken into account. Once the remaining spouse/partner moves out the whole value of the property is included. If you mother chooses to go into a care home, but does not need placement, it is highly unlikely that the local SSD will assist with payment of fees ( assuming that not an owner occupier). There are schemes such as the 12 week property disregard and deferred payments which help owner occupiers.

I would recommend anyone concerned with care for elderly relatives to look at Age UK fact sheets - there is a number of them ranging from retirement housing to selling homes to fund placements, managing finances etc.

Southwark and Lewisham Age UK have their own care agency and have different fee rates depending on service required. They also have people qualified in foot care.

Abbeyfield have a number of sheltered housing scheme all over the country offering different levels of accommodation. Those in Southwark offer a bed sit, and all meals (except usually Sundays) in a communal dining room prepared by a resident housekeeper. Some Abbeyfields have en suite bedrooms with a small kitchen area for hot drinks and light meal preparations, others have flats. Abbeyfield also run a number of residential care homes throughout England/

[intexasatthe moment]

This shows a number of sheltered/retirement flats in Southwark .

Some to rent ,some to buy ,some owned by Southwark ,some by Housing Associations like Anchor .

http://www.housingcare.org/sheltered-housing/area-2-southwark.aspx