David Peckham

Precisely. He's either the luckiest man in show business, the poor man's Peter Kay or just a talentless tit depending on your view of his work. The BBC don't use him so much since he took over Question of Sport and Top Gear and tanked them both - around 100 years of broadcasting between them before he went near them. They still pay him £250k a year not to be on TV, though. It's because of the unique way the BBC is funded.

I'd settle for just BBC3 being defunded and Paddy McGuiness being decapitated.

In what way? Maybe it just felt more intelligent and considered coming directly after Question Time, which was a barely watchable bun fight.

There was an excellent discussion on Newscast last night between the BBC Political Editor, the director of the IFS and the director of More In Common - all highly intelligent people with no party political agenda and far more across their briefs than any minister I've seen in years. The consensus was that Labour are so unpopular and untrusted by the electorate already, as are the Conservatives, that breaking the manifesto pledge on income tax wouldn't drive their approval ratings any lower, so they should, and I quote, 'Roll The Dice', hope for the best and see where we are in a couple of years time. As a strategy, i don't know whether I find that quite worrying or just an honest appraisal of what most governments actually do in practice.

Are they like the 'Gilets Jaunes' with BTL mortgages?

There can't be many French, red ones about, but they probably stand out.

He wasn't great when interviewed on Channel 4 News this evening either, but he may get some respite tomorrow with the breaking Nandy story.

To be fair, he doesn't seem unduly upset about the meme situation, and he does sometimes look like a very angry thumb. I'm quite taken by the idea that a load of hairy-arsed British builders decamp to 'A Little Place We Know' in Provence or Tuscany for the whole of August.

Absolutely, Insuflo I very much doubt that anyone other than football fans would have heard of Dyche, much less his views on false number nines, mobile centre halves dropping into midfield or diamond formations. But all middle-aged, portly, bald, gruffly spoken football fans from north of the capital who eschew fancy Dan tactics for the traditional, English merits of 4-4-2 shall be deemed knuckle-dragging Neanderthals by the Wokerati and the Metropolitan Elite. They care not what his views are, only that he looks like the sort of person who may have them. It's political correctness gone mad. But they, unlike Dyche, won't have a pub named after them.

Whisky Macs, like Harvey's Bristol Cream and Cinzano Bianco & lemonade, are a taste of Christmas past sadly lost to many. A little Whisky Mac and icing sugar whisked through whipping cream makes a festive accompaniment to stollen or Christmas pudding.

I thought August was one of the busiest times for the building trade. The clement weather makes it more reliable for planning jobs and shouting obscenities at passing ladies. Are you confusing brickies with hedge fund managers or the French? It's easily done and they basically disappear for August.

I've never got Christmas pudding. The only times I've managed to make it vaguely acceptable to people is thus: Buy a really tiny one when it's remaindered in Tesco's. They confound carbon dating, so the yellow labelled stuff at 75% off on Boxing Day will keep you going for years. Chop it up and soak it in Stones Ginger Wine and left over Scotch. Mix it in with a decent vanilla ice cream. It's like a festive Rum 'n' Raisin. Or: Stick a couple in a demijohn of Aldi vodka and serve it to guests, accompanied by 'The Party's Over' by Johnny Mathis when people simply won't leave your flat.

This reminds me of a situation a few years ago when a mate's Dad was coming down and fancied Franklin's for Christmas Day. He'd been there once, in September, and loved it. Obviously, they're far too tuned in to do it, so having looked around, £100 per head was pretty standard for fairly average pubs around here. That is ridiculous. I'd go with Penguin's idea; one of the best Christmas Day lunches I've ever had was at the Lahore Kebab House in Whitechapel. And it was BYO. After a couple of Guinness outside Franklin's, we decided £100 for four people was the absolute maximum, but it had to be done in the style of Franklin's and sourced within walking distance of The Gowlett. All the supermarkets knock themselves out on veg as a loss leader - particularly anything festive - and the Afghani lads on Rye Lane are brilliant for more esoteric stuff and spices, so it really doesn't need to be pricey. Here's what we came up with. It was considerably less than £100 for four. Bread & Butter (Lidl & Lurpak on offer at Iceland) Mersea Oysters (Sopers) Parsnip & Potato Soup ( I think they were both less than 20 pence a kilo at Morrisons) Smoked mackerel, Jerseys, watercress & radish (Sopers) Rolled turkey breast joint (£7.95 from Iceland) Roast Duck (two for £12 at Lidl) Mash Carrots, star anise, butter emulsion. Stir-fried Brussels, bacon, chestnuts and Worcestershire sauce.(Lidl) Clementine and limoncello granita (all from Lidl) Stollen (Lidl) Stichelton, Cornish Cruncher, Stinking Bishop. (Marks & Sparks) There was a couple of lessons to learn: Don't freeze mash. It breaks down the cellular structure and ends up more like a French pomme purée. I renamed it 'Pomme Mikael Silvestre' after my favourite French centre-half cum left back and got away with it, but if you're not amongst football fans you may not be so lucky. Tasted great, looked like shit. Don't take the clementine granita out of the freezer too early, particularly if you've overdone it on the limoncello. It melts quickly and someone will suggest snorting it. The sugar really sticks your nostrils together on Boxing Day. Speaking of 'lost' Christmases past, John Lewis have hijacked Alison Limerick's 'Where Love Lives' for their new advert. Bastards. But not a bad ad. Beansprout, I have a massive steel pot I bought from a Nigerian place on Choumert Road many years ago. It could do with a work out. I'm quite prepared to make a huge, spicy parsnip soup for anyone who fancies it and a few carols.

The Standard are reporting the rental home as being in East Dulwich. I hadn't realised she was that local. "Rachel Reeves apologises for London rental rules breach as Tories demand her sacking | The Standard" https://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/rachel-reeves-rental-rules-break-east-dulwich-family-home-southwark-council-b1255584.html

There was quite an old clip on BBC4 recently where they were introducing yoghurt to the British public. They called it a 'Balkan Dairy Preparation', which sounded to me more like something you'd ask to speak to the male member of staff about in the chemist in those days.

I miss milkmen. It was the sign of a good night out if you met one on the way home. But could quality produce, in 100% recyclable packaging and home-delivered by zero emission electric vehicles really catch on these days? They should bring back the Corona pop man, as well.

It was a bit of a jump by me from Cyclemonkey seeing a similar presence at London Bridge. Larnaca wouldn't have brought a huge amount of fans, but it was the first time Palace have hosted a competitive European tie. There's the issue of Northern Cyprus and heightened media interest around footy because of the Villa Maccabi game at the moment, so that may have had a bearing on the scale of the operation. It does seem unlikely if it was at four o'clock, though.

My apologies. The timing of your original post suggested it was after 6pm, which would fit with them herding away supporters onto the train at London Bridge and trying to get to Selhurst station to escort them to the ground.

Palace were at home last night, kicked off at 19.45. The timing sounds about right.

That sounds like a very short pub crawl.

The drivers generally have the same set area to cover every day, so they're fairly easy to follow - quite often on bike. They organise their drops to maximise how many they can do within a given time - there's actually software at the depot to do this before they set off - so they tend to follow the same route. Certain addresses are delivery hotspots, some have two or three drops a day from the various couriers. It all adds up doorstep deliveries being incredibly easy to target. I suspect Vladi's neighbour hasn't had their fake parcel nicked, not because of their security, but because the thief simply wouldn't have seen the driver stop there, so there's nothing to steal. The losses are factored in, driving prices up for everyone, and the drivers are treated abysmally. It's a dreadful business. It needs regulating. Sorry, cross post with Angelina and Alec1

Harry's polo ponies will be shitting themselves about whose bed their heads will be found in. I offer my friendship to Don William.

To be fair to Royalists, it didn't work out too well for anyone last time we canned the monarchy. I'd imagine quite a few French, Germans, Spanish, Portuguese and Russians had second thoughts after they' found out what you get in their place - those really didn't work out well. Maybe elected heads of state only work well where there's never been a monarchy. The countries I'd aspire to - the Scandinavian states, The Netherlands - have slimmed down monarchies, and that looks like the way we're moving. I'd take that and abolition of an unelected upper house, most particularly the hereditary element of it, as a decent starting point.

I've never been a big fan of the Royals - I used to think that their severed heads should be hung all along The Mall, but I've softened as I've got older. A slimmed down monarchy would be quite profitable for the UK, and a better option than an elected ceremonial president. Apparently, William has had quite a role in the uncompromising treatment of Andrew & Fergie and Harry & Megan - it reminded me of Michael Corleone's purge of the family's enemies at the end of 'The Godfather'. It was brutal, but at least Michael waited until his father, Don Vito, was dead to secure the future of the family business. William is putting his complications out of the picture now - I'd avoid massages or revolving doors if I was Beatrice or Eugenie. I think I'm developing a sneaking admiration for William.

Are you sure you were, to put it delicately, 100% upright at the time you took the photo? No cartwheels, handstands or anything like that?