jimmy two times

A man and woman are sitting on an aeroplane when the captain announces that the two engines have broken down and the plane is about to crash.

The woman turns to the man and says: 'Well if these are our last few moments I want you to make me feel like a woman.'

So the man rips of his shirt, turns to the woman and says 'OK. Iron this'

If you want me to stay - Sly and the Family Stone

Pacqiauo is the best fighter in the world right now, but I have a feeling he'll come unstuck against Mayweather.

Mayweather's defensive style is very difficult to penetrate and and he is also a brilliant technical boxer.

Having said that, Mayweather's recent inactivity could work against him.

I would just like to say farewell to everyone on the forum as I'm leaving. I've had a good giggle on here and I have met some nice people, one of whom was very special to me. But alas all good things must come to an end and besides I'm getting my computer repossessed and the bailiff is standing over me as I write this.

Bona fortuna:)-D

Ok I'll plump for one: elvis Presley

Tony Bennett

matt Munro

bobby darin

frank sinatra

Sammy Davis jr

Lol great gag. Wish I'd have thought of that one myself :)-D (tu)

Sounds like you've been hung out to dry

It's funny but Reading some of the names a few would probably make it into my worst voice in music list, and that wouldn't include renee. Still that's just my opinion and opinions are like a#seholes. We've all got one.

I told them I was in a rival south London street gang. Seemed to do the trick.

Ok I've got a genuine complaint that I'm sure most road users will share. It's about those so called 'speed' bumps. If anything they slow you down !

Agreed. And thank goodness this poor girl can get back on with her life. However this outcome has now stirred another furious debate amongst the experts and analysts: would you ?;-)

Renee out of renee and renata

oh gawd ladym you never told me you had met my ex missus !

* piss my pants laughing *

Lol no offence ladym you know I love you really:))

tough crowd again

*sticks two fingers up and runs away giggling*

I've heard cliffs prices can be a bit steep

A good tip for environmentally friendly w#nkers.use one of the socks u have worn that day as your evening w#nk sock.the sock would have required washing anyway thus reducing your carbon footprint.

Van bommel has always been a nasty b#stard and it's amazing how he has got away with it.good player though.reminds me of graeme souness

This will be the first time a European side has ever won the world cup outside of Europe.

I thought that was one of my better ones :(

I think George michael will be riding a bike from now on.apparently he crashed his car into happy snaps cos he wasn't getting enough exposure.

Tough crowd tonight

My new Dutch girlfriend really enjoyed the quarter final result. So much so that she came home with a Brazilian.

If women are the champions at multi tasking how come they can't have headaches and orgasms at the same time ?