Anyone had an au pair before?

[jjcob]

Hello,

We are currently looking for an Au Pair, which i am crossing my fingers i may have just found.

Having never done this kind of thing before, has anyone got any good pointers for making their welcoming into family life a nice/ easy as possible?

What mistakes have you learnt by?

And also which langauge college did your girl/ boy go to. A lot of au pairs are asking me for recommendations, is there an especially well regarded one? Or one that it is easy to get to from this area?

Thanks for all your help in advance.

[mothergoose]

We've had au pairs on and off for the last 6 years and on the whole have had a really positive experience.

I'm definitely getting better at managing them as time goes by, and 'what I've learnt' has included:

1. be very specific about the hours they work/what you expect them to do

2. pay them to work a little longer than you actually need so that they don't get annoyed about being half an hour late every now and again.

3. be very honest with the job description: I always make clear that a fair amount of time is spent on donkey work like cleaning, tidying etc as well as playing with the kids

4. help them to get a social life when they arrive by introducing them to other local au pairs

5. correct their english lots! My au pairs always seem grateful as they are generally here to learn how to speak the language.

I'm sure there's lots more I could add, but that's all I've time for now.

[womanofdulwich]

Generally positive, but if not through an agency ( who will/should put them in touch with others) then try really hard to find them some friends.

I am having a real problem finding local lessons for mine as she arrived mid term, and lessons are one way of meeting people. She has had to pay ?37 a week for 3 morning sessions in oxford street.PLus fares that takes a pot out of her pay.

Try and make it clear when she is "off duty".

[The Nappy Lady]

There is a language school in Crystal Palace that I know at least one Au Pair goes to...don't know more than that though.

Molly

[millie42]

Also there is a large language school in Beckenham that friends have recommended

[snss75]

Our 4th au pair is starting with us in June and I agree with mothergoose on lot of the points. The best starting point is to be very honest with the job description and your expectations as that will really set the tone for the au pairs whole stay with you and you want to make sure the au pair knows what she is getting herself into to to avoid confusion/disappointment/problems later on. I've always been very honest & specific in my job descriptions and had a good chat with the au pair on arrival to agree how we see things going. It is also worth mentioning to them that you encourage open dialogue should they feel they have any concerns etc. As mothergoos said, don't just pay your au pair for the bare minimum hours and then regularly end up exceeding those. It's better to agree bit longer hours and certain amount of flexibility and then actually be able to let you au pair go "early" sometimes; you'll definitely have a happier au pair that way! I also let my au pair go early or have random days off if I'm able to e.g. when I have a day off. I think that flexibility definitely works both ways and I've found that if I treat the au pair well & as part of the family they tend to return the favour. As mothergoose said, it is important for au pairs to have a "life", i.e. life outside your home & family so do as much as you can to help them make friends etc. On that note, we are in Peckham (Bellenden area) and have a Finnish au pair now & another one coming in June if you or anyone else is looking for friends for their au pair, feel free to pm me.

[mothergoose]

My ones have had good experiences of language schools at Morley College, Southwark College (to get Cambridge first certificate or something), and Bromley Adult Education College which had more students from around the area.

These colleges are much better value than the private schools and my au pairs have typically done two mornings of school a week.

[chirombo]

Id be really grateful for some advise on this subject.

Can you ask an au pair to look after a 2, 3 and 5 year old if the children are at nursery/school during the day?

or do the children all have to be school age?

If you agree with the au pair and pay them for it can they regularly work a full day or 2 per week as a nanny? Or does that create a problem with total number of hours worked?

Can you ask an au pair to look after children all week at half term?

[snss75]

Chirombo, if you get an au pair through an agency there are more restrictions on the hours, pocket money etc. than there are if you find an au pair yourself e.g. through one of the great websites where you can find au pairs & au pairs can find families. Also, depending on your au pair's nationality there may be further restrictions because of visa requirements and such but I'm not very familiar with those. I'd say that if you get an au pair from another EU country and do it privately you are fairly free to agree the terms with the au pair. I don't see what you couldn't ask an au pair to look after 2-5 year olds, I had my first au pair looking after my 1.5 year old full time and know quite a few au pairs who are looking after babies (like I did when I was an pair long time ago :))). I suppose in generally au pairs in the UK do shorter hours but I advertised for someone who was willing to do that and paid them above the average/extra for the longer hours. I think it's all about coming into an agreement with the au pair and being very honest about the requirements. Currently my au pair looks after my 4 year old full time during school holidays and during term time does the nursery drop off/pick up and the afternoons plus helps around the house. You can find some general info on au pairs here http://www.aupair-world.net/index.php/visa/uk/.

[reren]

I haven't had an au pair - but I was an au pair (in italy when I was 18) and had an amazing experience. Perhaps I can give you a sense from the other perspective?

I think one of the trickiest things is maintaining a professional(ish) relationship when you are living in such close quarters and with someone who is taking care of your child. My 'mum' was brilliant at this - which allowed her to be strict with me when needed - and I always knew where I was. I think the other thing is having a very clear set of expectations and sticking to them. For example, a lot of my au pair friends at the time got really fed up with parents deciding at the drop of a hat to go out for the evening and this meant they had to cancel their plans (evenings off as an au pair are like gold dust). Now I'm potentially on the other side - I can see this is one of the benefits of having an au pair and can understand it better - but it does lead to bad feeling and in some cases made my friends leave families. I think its also important (if they're living with you) to respect their space and make it as comfortable as possible. My family bought me a TV for my room so that I didn't have to be in the living room disturbing them (it was a very small flat).

But the most important thing that I got out of it was that I adored my baby, I learned Italian (they were incredibly patient in helping me learn the language) and they took seriously the traditional interpretation of au pairing which includes exposing the au pair to aspects of your country & culture - so that its actually a cultural exchange rather than just live-in babysitting! We had lovely weekends together where they took me to see interesting things and I really enjoyed being with them (most of the time). I'm still friends with them and the baby I took care of is now 18 and danced with me at my wedding a couple of years ago.

Au pairing was an amazing experience and opportunity to be taken care of within a family when you're just on the verge of independence. I think (in most cases) if you put in some time and effort to give the au pair a good experience - you will form a really strong relationship and most importantly your child will have a relationship that might last for life.

Sorry - I've rambled on a lot! could go on and on - so will shut up now!!

[jjcob]

Thanks so much for all this advice, i really appreciate it.

[mumra]

We pay for ours to go to language college- it's approx 220 a term, but one of the perks we listed. She goes to Bromley College, Penge campus which is easy to get to on the 176. Initially she did 10-12 Monday and Thursday but now she does 2 evenings which she enjoys as they all go the pub afterwards. We don't give her access to a car but give her ?10 on an oyster card each week. We have had a very positive experience with ours- she is just brilliant and we found that the more we gave her the occasional afternoon off/lie in as extra the more she appreciated us and being part of the family.

[sb]

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[womanofdulwich]

a person from overseas can legally do longer than official au pair hours , you just have to pay more. people still call them au pairs but they are often untrained childcarers.they will have no first aid or training in nutrition etc - but what mother does have? they are a cheap alternative.

[snss75]

As womanofdulwich said, most au pairs are untrained/have little experience but having said that two of my au pairs have had first aid training and my next au pair is now graduating as a practical nurse! Also, all of them have been "certified" babysitters i.e. they have done a short training course in basic childcare and have had previous experience of caring for small children (not full time obviously).