Ask Silverfox

[Brendan]

A phobia is an intense and unreasonable fear of something. There is nothing unreasonable about being intensely afraid of bloody great cats that will eat you given half a chance.

[silverfox]

Hi Brendan, how's the knee?

Genuphobia- Fear of knees.

[woofmarkthedog]

Is...

...there "Phobia Phobia"

Well is there....?

W**F

[silverfox]

Not quite my four legged friend

phobophobia pho?bo?pho?bi?a (f?'bə-f?'b?-ə)

n.

A morbid dread or fear of developing a phobia.

The American Heritage? Stedman's Medical Dictionary

Copyright ? 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Phobophobia

[woofmarkthedog]

silverfox Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Not quite my four legged friend

>

> phobophobia pho?bo?pho?bi?a

> (f?'bə-f?'b?-ə)

>

> n.

> A morbid dread or fear of developing a phobia.

>

> The American Heritage? Stedman's Medical

> Dictionary

> Copyright ? 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin

> Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.

________________________________________________________

Oh....

Now all that I like....

Can I get two in "plaid" & one in "serge" ( on my account please )

Have them deliver too

( does that come with or without anxiety as standard )

W**F

* bites sweatshirt cuff, does sign of the cross & lets out shrill sound *

[ImpetuousVrouw]

Dear Silverfox,

I am poor in comparison to rich people and would like to find a rich old man to marry, so that when he kicks it I'll be rich in comparison to poor people. Do you know any suitable candidates?

[silverfox]

As a solipsistic narcissistic celebrity Agony Uncle used to dispensing inanity under the pretext of advice, I am often stopped by my legions of fans while selling the Big Issue outside the Co-Op and asked whether I know any rich old men who they can marry who'll die in, like, seven or eight minutes so they don't have to see his shrivelled up bits but can still inherit his cash.

My advice is always, yeah loads. But as I said to Anna Nicole Smith many years ago as she put a fake pound coin in my tin, Anna, I said, I think all those EDF swingers parties are messing with your head (among others things). That J Howard Marshall is a bad 'un, he's only using you. There's no way you'll get your hands on $300m of his Texan billions no matter how many times you fumble with his wrinkly bits. There's more chance of Nick Clegg honouring his election commitments etc etc

So ImpetuousVrouw let the gold-digger beware

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Dear Silverfox

My MP doesn't like gingers.

I feel that she can't possibly represent my interests with such prejudices. How do I get her impeached?

Yours

PGC

[felt-tip]

Dear Silverfox,

I have become accustomed, nay, addicted, to, shall we say, the finer things in life and I have developed gout in my face.

Your advice would be gratefully received.

[woofmarkthedog]

Dear Silverfox

When I stand up fast my head swims

I'm not hieing am I

W**F

[silverfox]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Dear Silverfox

>

> My MP doesn't like gingers.

>

> I feel that she can't possibly represent my

> interests with such prejudices. How do I get her

> impeached?

>

> Yours

>

> PGC

Dear Peckhamgatecrasher,

Apologies for not getting back to you earlier but the demand from forumites for my workshops and residential therapy courses is overwhelming.

I presume you are referring to Harriet Harperson, the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party and former equalities minister, who referred to Danny Alexander, the Chief Secretary to the Treasury, as a ?ginger rodent?.

I think far too much has been made of her comments by the right-wing press and, judging by the thousands of letters, emails and tweets I have received on this issue over the past couple of days, most people consider her comments as quite innocent, a mere attempt to try to be funny and liven up an otherwise boring speech. As Ms Harperson made clear in her speech, she likes red squirrels so I think it is a bit over the top of you to accuse her of disliking gingers, having prejudices and asking for her impeachment.

You have however, raised a topical issue - that of "gingerphobia" (fear of redheads) and "gingerism" (prejudice against redheads).

There are millions of redheads on these shores. In Britain, it has been speculated that the dislike of red-hair may derive from the historical English sentiment that people of Irish or Celtic background, with a greater prevalence of red hair, were ethnically inferior.

The word "ginger" is not often considered insulting these days. However, the abbreviation "ginge" or "ginga" is sometimes used derogatorily to describe red-headed people. In my considered opinion had Ms Hardperson meant to insult the Scottish prat she could have chosen some of the more colourful words used for bullying redheads,

eg, agent orange, ginger pubes, ginger minger, fanta pants, matchstick head, copper knob, ginger nut, carrot top, carrot head, duracell, ginger ninja or my favourite - 'rangas' (orang-utans).

Send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to Ask Silverfox, C/O The EDF Forum for my leaflet: 'Gingerphobia v Gingerism: who gives a f...?"

[silverfox]

felt-tip Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Dear Silverfox,

>

> I have become accustomed, nay, addicted, to, shall

> we say, the finer things in life and I have

> developed gout in my face.

>

> Your advice would be gratefully received.

Dear felt-tip,

You have my sympathy for what is a most painful affliction.

Gout, as you may know, is an arthritic condition, meaning that it causes pain and inflammation of your joints. Usually it affects one joint in your body - commonly your big toe, but it can affect other joints, usually in the arms or legs. In extreme cases such as yours, felt-tip, gout can affect the face leaving you looking like a dead-ringer for Joseph Merrick, otherwise known as the Elephant Man.

According to the UK Gout Society, gout affects around one in every 100 people. It's more common in men, particularly those aged 30 to 60, and in older people.

Gout is caused by having too much urate in your body. Urate (also called uric acid) is a chemical that everyone has in their blood. It's a waste product formed from substances called purines, which are found in every cell in your body and certain foods. Excess urate is usually passed through your kidneys and out of your body in your urine. However, the level of urate in your blood can rise if your kidneys don't pass urate quickly enough or your body produces too much urate

If the level of urate in your body is too high, it can form tiny crystals that collect in your tissues, particularly in and around your joints. This is what causes the swelling and pain. These crystals form at cooler temperatures, which is why gout is common in your fingers and toes.

The medical literature as to the causes of gout are confusing. An attack of gout often occurs for no clear reason, but may be triggered by an illness, injury, high blood pressure, being over weight, eating foods rich in purines or drinking too much alcohol.

However, my own research has shown a clear link between the exponential rise in cases of gout in and around East Dulwich and the arrival of William Rose 'Purveyors of Quality Meat' Butchers on Lordship Lane. Single handedly, this butcher has turned what was a quiet healthy back-water in south-east London which subsisted on a diet of bread and dripping into an enclave of obese voracious carnivores prepared to queue for hours for a heart-attack inducing cholesterol feast.

In short felt-tip, while your affliction and looks may have paid dividends while you were scaring the life and soul out of householders while 'Trick or Treating' over Hallowe'en, I can only suggest you think about joining a circus freak show in, say, India where these things are still popular, getting bit parts as an accident victim in Casualty or disaster movies or putting a bag over your head when you go out.

Send the usual stamped SAE to Ask Silverfox, C/O the EDF, for my leaflet 'Some queue, we chew: how to beat the queues at William Rose'

[silverfox]

woofmarkthedog Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Dear Silverfox

>

> When I stand up fast my head swims

>

> I'm not hieing am I

>

>

> W**F

As a vet I am often stopped and asked "when my dog stands up fast his/her head swims. He/she is not hieing is he/she?"

The first thing I point out is heads can't swim. To do this heads would need arms and legs or fins and a tail or tentacles or jellyfish-like tendrils.

You woofmarkthedog are a dog.

If you exercise often and are in good shape you might occasionally experience dizziness and lightheadedness when you stand up quickly. This is generally nothing serious, and occurs due to a slow heart rate.

Cardiovascular exercise makes your heart stronger and a stronger heart has a larger stroke volume. That is, the amount of blood pumped out during each beat is greater, so the heart doesn't have to beat as often. A slow pulse rate is an indication of a strong, healthy heart. However, a slow heart rate can sometimes lead to dizziness when you change position.

When you stand up quickly gravity pulls blood from your brain towards your paws and tail and blood doesn't return to the brain until the next heart beat. With a slow pulse, this takes a second or two and that is enough time to feel the lack of oxygen in the symptom of lightheadedness or dizziness. It is also related to something called postural hypotension. This results from a decrease in blood flow to the brain, due to a drop in blood pressure upon standing up. As long as it occurs only occasionally, you don't really need to worry.

On the other hand, if you do not exercise regularly and are out of shape, and you experience dizziness, religious apparitions, imbalance, circling or inability to walk, then lay off the booze and wacy backy and you won't keep getting 'high'.

Get your master to send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to Ask Silverfox, C/O The EDF Forum for my leaflet 'Dogs, drugs and alcohol: what they don't teach you at vet school'