bedtime battles

[Belle]

Think we've hit a great new phase in which my 19 mth old battles bedtime. In the last week we've had 3 bedtimes wherein he starts off moaning, then shouts and screams for up to 90 mins before sleep. I dont' think it's the case that he needs a later bedtime as we actually find he sleeps better (as in going to sleep and sleeping a bit longer, ie sometimes 6ish instead of 5ish) with a prompt or even early bedtime (so 6.45/7). As always I feel like I'm scrutinising each day retrospectively to figure out what we did or didn't do that could have adversely affected bedtime. Can't see any patterns though. Is it just something they do - get to a stage where they want your attention more/want to be up and about etc? Going in doesn't help, drinks/lullaby etc don't help - have just found I have to let him get himself to sleep. It's v different from the little baby thing of screaming on being put down. It's more wakefulness I think.

It's awful when things change isn't it?! used to love that post bedtime period, when I'd have a nice drink and relax for the first time all day!

[Pickle]

We've had brief phases of this with both children, at around the same age. In both instances it lasted around a week, maybe two. Both times when it became obvious that there was nothing wrong we simply adopted the strict approach - they were still in cots, so we would just go in, lie them down and leave (and repeat and repeat and repeat!). Maybe we were lucky, but the phase passed and we went back to our usual easy to bed routine. We've always stuck with a 7pm bedtime no matter what happens.

I know how you feel about the post bedtime period, certainly the best part of the day for me these days :)

[linzkg]

Hubby and I are having a rough time with our 14 month old as well. Last night it took 2.5 hours to get him to sleep - he is happy in his cot - but leave the room and you might as well cut off a finger. He's suddenly not ok with us leaving him alone - so if he wakes himself in the middle of the night he cries out for me until I go in to settle him again (do also think maybe its something to do with the dark, and teething, and he's full of cold, and the excuses just keep coming!! ;-)

He's got staying power though - we've tried controlled crying but after a solid hour or so we give in as he's actually gone horse by then from the shrieking and screeching. So instead we sit in the room with him until he falls asleep, which normally takes an hour or so.

Belle, we also scrutinise what we're doing wrong/not doing right. I then google the question and feel comforted when I read that lots of parents go through the exact same time. (I almost can't see the point of getting them into a sleep routine in the first place when they suddenly change randomly.)

Pickle, we need to work back to the repeated lying him down theory - this used this theory once before to tire him out and didn't take too long for him to give up.

One last idea - I've also definitely found that completely ignoring my son (when I'm in the room with him waiting for him to settle and fall asleep) even if he stands up and reaches out for me or talks to me. He gets bored after a while and lies down. Where as I used to tell him to lie down and go to sleep .. which he'd do but minutes later was standing again - obviously waiting for the attention.

These kids are more clever then we give them credit for I think ;-)

[nunheadmum]

Belle - having just had bedtime battles with my 26mth old, who I was much tougher with than my first where we went through months of various contortions between about 1 and 2yrs, I really feel for you. It's horrible when peace and me time is so close and you know they need to sleep but they just won't switch off.

The only thing I can think of suggesting is day-time sleep - maybe he needs more (or less)? I find that when my youngest has a shorter day-time sleep and/or a full-on afternoon, she is over-active at bedtime and just can't switch off. Nursery days are the worst and it builds over 3 days and takes us 4 days to get her back to 'normal'. A couple of times when we've had time to devote to it, we've had a week or so of getting her good daytime sleeps and it does seem to help - but you can't always do that all the time.

If going into him doesn't help I don't know if there's much you can do other than let him get on with it and find his own way through it. Would some kind of music or story tape work, perhaps? (You may need to introduce it during the day and get him to like it to be able to sell it to him at bedtime.) Ultimately it's better in the long term if they sort it out themselves but something like this may help you as much as him.

Good luck - I hope he starts to work it our soon!

[Belle]

aw thanks all, good advice and also good to know I'm not alone! Tonight was better though still a lot of protesting, and as ever I've no idea what we did differently. Though Nunheadmum I think you've a point re connection with day time actvitiy and sleep. Trouble is on days when he doesn't sleep well there's not much I can do - do try to get him to go back if nap was particularly short but it rarely works. have been thinking about story tapes and know his cousins use them so will bear that in mind - he's always had a lullaby on his monitor so as a sort of extension of that it might be quite nice for him.

Also agree (and relieved to hear it from others so don't feel too mean!) that there's not much point in endlessly going in etc. Think there's def an element of attention there - though it is hard to know how much you should then afford as of course he has a right to be reassured that I'm nearby etc. I do sometimes speak to him over the monitor to tell him he's fine (and to go to sleep!) which seems to help.

Thanks all! Made me feel much better.