Advice on keeping first child in nursery with a new baby

[Vickster]

I am due to have number 2 end of Jan, and number 1 is currently in nursery 4 days a week as I am still working. I am thinking of reducing the number of days he is there once I go on maternity leave, both to keep costs down and also because I obviously want to spend more time with him now that I am able to. On the other hand, I think he thrives on the routine and social interaction of nursery, and keeping him in will enable me to have some time alone with number 2.

Does anybody have any advice on the optimum number of days? I was initially thinking of reducing him to two, but wonder if three might be better as he likes it so much, but don't want him to feel like he is being excluded from time with me when new one arrives.

Does anybody have any thoughts on this?

[sew]

Hi Vickster,

I have been in this position previously with two older siblings and I would highly recommend starting with 3 days and the option of reducing it to 2 in a few months time. Your older child will appreciate the routine of still going to nursery and you will relish the chance to rest and be with your new baby. Your older child won't feel excluded because he has been used to going to nursery all this time while you've been working and you will find that the two other days you are able to spend with him will be of better quality because you will be less tired. It is hard dividing your time and attention between two kids to start with and you will all benefit from the initial time you have just with the new baby and to yourself. You can do all the things you did with no 1 when he was just born like relaxing with cups of coffee and walks in park and then be on great form to welcome him when he gest back from nursery. You can always collect him slightly earlier each day if you want to but the time he's away will fly. As I said in a few months time you can reduce the days to 2 if you need the money and want to have more time with both your children once the baby is sleeping a bit better at night.

Good luck with your expanding family and enjoy them both,

Sew

[The Nappy Lady]

I agree - 3 days sounds perfect, my 1st was just at school when I had my second and it made life so much easier & less exhausting.

Good luck!

[alieh]

I should have asked this same question! I have been going back and forth between 2 and 3 days, and finally settled on 2 (both for money reasons and a general feeling/guilt that he should be home with me if I'm there?!). But remembering how knackering it was with a newborn, I might be wishing I'd gone for 3.

[edanna]

I think 3 is good. We've had 2 and I do spend most of those days catching up on the washing! We're increasing to 3 in Jan. Remember he'll still have more days a week with you than at nursery and more than he's used to. He gets to be himself, not just X's brother, and baby X gets some one-to-one time, when you're not doing the housework. Don't feel guilty about it because looking after 2 is hard work and you will really benefit from days 'just' looking after the baby. Good luck with everything.

[Vickster]

thank you all so much for all the excellent advice. I think we will definitely go for 3 on this basis, and maybe review a few months down the line when the initial new baby craziness has died down.

Thanks again x

[Vickster]

On a related note, any thoughts on which days, all together or with a gap?

[craigy]

my 3 and a half year old does full days in nursery on a tue and thurs and 3 hours in a pre school on mon/ wed/ fri.. it is a perfect arrangement for me which gives me plenty of time with my 3 month old.. he loves it and it stops me feeling guilty if i have nothing planned on the afternoons we are all together as he has had some interaction....

[ryedalema]

I actually kept eldest daughter in full time while littlest was getting to know the world. The main reason was that my mat leave wasn't especially long (6 months) and I was told that the nursery wouldn't be able to guarantee a f/t place at the end of it if we did reduce her days. That would be what I would watch out for and specifically ask - will you get your original days (or the days you need) back when/if you return to work and need them? I'm guessing the nursery may also have preferences about which days you take and may only have space for certain combinations of days. Might not be the case and you could get exactly what you ask for - but just putting that one in the pot..

But while eldest was in f/t we did take shorter days and it was a lovely time with both of them.