Discipline and bribes

[Saila]

hello

i have a 14 month old who's just beginning to show some stubborness and tantrum-like behaviour, especially if he's a bit tired.

I thought i'd start a thread to ask for people's tips as to how they deal with these situations in various environments.

so, e.g. in the house, if he's screaming for something he can't have or just being difficult, i'll pick him up and put him in his play area and walk away. This always works for me but he's young and the tantrums haven't really set in yet...

In public, I basically give him what he wants to avoid upsetting those around me (cafe) this can be a chocolate button or something i.e. a bribe. I try to bring a few chocolate buttons with me to cafes etc.

What do you do?

As all kids are different, it's useful to have some tricks/methods or 'dont dos' from those who have more experience

thanks in advance

[Fuschia]

I think it's useful to differentiate between a manipulative tantrum "little nero" where ignoring is the best policy and an emotional meltdown due to the child'a inability to express themselves/control their emotions where they need help to calm themselves. Those sorts of tantrum are more common and it is kinder i think to hold them and articulate their feelings then distract them.

"I know you're feeling very cross you can't empty that cupboard. Shall we play with your train instead?" sort of thing

Margot Sunderland's book Science of Parenting is good on this

http://hubpages.com/hub/Tantrums---is-Your-Child-Truly-Distressed-or-Acting-Up

I would try to avoid giving sweets when this occurs in public, sets a bad precedent!

[Fuschia]

I think if you can tailor your activities to what is reasonable to expect from a child that age (so a brief trip to a child friendly cafe where it's Ok to run around a bit is OK, expecting them to sit for an hour in starbucks isn't) will reduce the need to offer chocolate etc

+

[Saila]

Hi - thanks

i guess the reason i posted the thread was to get ideas as to what else to do in public situations that aren't child friendly - whether it's a post office queue or supermarket or cafe

cafe trips are no more than a once month experience so i'm not (at all) worried about this becoming a bad behaviour. new ideas from other mums could be really useful so this doesn't become a precendent... hence the thread

any ideas anyone?

[Pickle]

If I had to queue somewhere (and knew in advance so was organised) I would use a mixture of snacks, drinks and maybe a book/toy. Same things in cafes - I would always go prepared with a little snack box (a mixture of lots of little things is good, lasts longer and keeps them occupied).

I found that the phase where they were too old to sit happily but too young to understand that they had to be patient passed quite quickly with my two kids and now at 2.5 and 4 they are brilliant in those situations.

In terms of tantrums due to not being allowed something at home I used pretty much the same approach as you. From an early age I used the "you can have this, or this" method (for example, child wants chocolate but you have said no - then offer two alternatives that you are happy with, like apple or raisins). I still use it now when the kids are stropping over something and it seems to work.

A lot of it at the age you're at is pure frustration over not being able to communicate properly, and will improve!

P x