Christmas crackers

[computedshorty]

I don't get anybody come for Christmas, so each year I get out the box of Crackers, feel inside tge end and bring out the little joke I have read them before so I?m putting new ones inside.

I must think of ten.

1. Santa You have forgot to take your sack if you are going to give a present to the Pooh Man.

Its alright I have got a Plastic bag in my pocket.

2. Doctor to patient Is there a reason I did not see you last time you came to make an appointment?

When your receptionist said that you could not see me, I though it better to wait until you got your new glasses.

3. I put fresh dog food down every day it never gets eaten. Why is that? I only got a Parrot.

4 What do you hope you will find in your Christmas stocking? Don't put useless things in there, ?leave the young woman?.

5. Are you having the same Christmas dinner as last year? No I will cook a fresh one.

6. Did you get many Christmas cards? A few one said ?I could not read your meter it will be estimated for this quarter?.

The other one said ?We called but got no reply as your neighbour is worried, if you do no contact the Police Station in four hours we will smash your front door down.

7. Will you take this woman to have and to hold?

I?ll take her but it will take the Best Man and all the Usher?s to hold her down.

8. Man staggers from the Vets Surgery holding his crotch, what?s wrong mate said a passing man? Bloody wife made an appointment with that deaf vet for our Doberman to be castrated.

9. Will you be going out with the Carol singers? No but I would not mind getting Carol on her own.

10. What would you like for a Christmas Present? Anything except a pair of slippers.

You know I am really looking forward to Christmas to read those Jokes!