Toddler constantly pulling at bits of loose skin etc!

[crystal7]

My daughter, 3 next month, sucks her fingers when tired. I'm not really bothered about that but whilst doing it she has started to pick at her lips which were a little dry and cracked from the cold. It's got to the point where there's often blood on her sheet in the morning and her top lip looks awful- like she's had a fall. We tell her to stop doing it, try to distract her, bribe her but nothing works. It's obviously quite sore but she wont let us put anything on it- just wipes it off. Short of tying her hands behind her back I don't know what else to do! Anyone else's toddler do this? Will it ever end??

[Saffron]

When she's really deeply asleep, put a medicated salve on her lips, like the gooey Blistex one that comes in the little tube, not a wax-based stick. Chapped lips are also made worse by dehydration, so try to get her to drink more water. I get very dry lips in the winter too. It is tempting to pick at them, even as an adult!

With what have you tried to distract her? It's likely that the distraction needs to be very specifically targeted at her hands and/or face to be effective. Can you give her something else to hold and rub, like a mini blanket with satin edges that she can rub on her cheek? Or one of those little rubbery make-up sponges?

Habits like these can be very difficult to break, but usually respond best to positive reinforcements rather than punishment. The habit itself likely has a root in mild stress, eg being tired, so punishment makes the stress worse. Also trying to stop the habit flat out is likely to result in a rebound making it worse. Sticker charts are very helpful for this kind of thing.

It will probably take a while to work through this with your LO. If you don't find it getting better soon despite your best efforts, check with your GP to see if there is a specialist who can observe your child and recommend a more specific course of action. It's normal for children to pick at bit, but she really shouldn't be making herself bleed. Skin on the lips is very fragile and may be more prone to scarring.

[sunbob]

Hi Crystal. We haven't had it as bad as this but our daughter did recently go through a stage of sucking fingers during day much more than usual. I tried not to give it too much attention but occasionally very gently asked her to save the sucking for bedtime and more often reminded her to suck gently (fingers had got a bit sore).

She's doing it less now and I don't know if this helped or not. It was one of a number of behaviours that started with the arrival of her little brother and it seems that giving it very little attention has made it one of the shortest lived. (or maybe it just stopped anyway, who knows!)