Building toddler confidence

[Hornpipe]

My almost 3 year old boy is by nature very kind, gentle and sensitive. The positives are that he is generally easy to deal with, articulate for his age, empathetic towards others, lovely with younger sibling and other children etc.

However on the flip side, he is a little worrier, nervous of many things and more importantly is often the target of aggression or bullying behaviour from other children. It's honestly like they sense he won't hit back and go after him for an easy target!

I know this is part and parcel of growing up and I don't want to make a big issue of it for him, but we do feel of late it has started to affect him (copying some of the behaviour, spontaneously talking about it a lot etc). So far, all we have done is restrict contact with the main offenders (!)and carry on giving lots of cuddles and praise.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you ensure it didn't affect confidence? I wouldn't change a thing about him and we love his gentle nature, but I just want to help him cope with it and ensure he doesn't get crushed!

Any thoughts or shared experience much appreciated!

[nunheadmum]

Our nursery are very big on teaching the kids to say 'Don't do that' whenever any other kid take a pot at them. I'm not sure about the theory behind it (I'm suspecting it lets the kid have a reaction that's non agressive, rather than an option of fight back or run.)

I think you're right not to make a big thing of it with him but don't be too afraid to talk about it. Just stress (in a 'this isn't a big thing' manner) that the other children are being naughty and he's right not to reciprocate.

Other than that, I guess it is just a thing about growing up.

[Hornpipe]

Thanks nunheadmum. Will definitely try the "don't do that approach'. I just want to help him with a response rather than just watch the adults deal with it! Thanks

[alieh]

My son is a bit like this and we have similarly just tried to encourage him to say firmly "No, I don't like that." We also talk about the fact that hitting is not okay, but will also talk to him about whether [the person prone to hitting] is trying not to hit, trying to learn that it's not okay, making improvements, etc so that he learns not to be afraid of that person forever and to think of things from their perspective too. The whole idea of labelling the behaviour as not okay, but not labelling the person as "bad", etc., etc.

My son seems to be doing well in his current nursery environment as they seem very quick to act on any aggressive behaviour and it is generally a very calm and quiet atmosphere. He did get bitten quite badly, which he still talks about months later, but he also seemed to feel that the teachers' response was fair and that the child in question has been trying to stop hitting and biting lately.