When to start to let children walk to school etc alone?

[The Nappy Lady]

It's a debate that is starting to come to mind now my eldest is 8.

At 9 (many years ago) I was off cycling & pony riding with pals for hours around country lanes. I'm not sure times have really changed, we just hear more scary stuff now. But then again I'm in no rush to let my 'big girl' venture out alone.

What have others with older children done? I know by 11/12 they are off to secondary school and mostly making their own way, but did you wait and throw them in at the deep end then, or build up gradually?

I think school allows them to walk back & forth alone from year 5, which is a year from now when she's 9 going on 10.

Hmmmm

[civilservant]

My nieces identified friends and older girls who were heading the same way when they started travelling to secondary school at age 11/12. They have a bus and a train ride to get there, but at least they have safety in numbers, and don't feel that they are being forced to rely on adult support.

Before that I do feel that they are too young.

When I walk with my daughter to her school, we sometimes meet a child walking alone to primary school. She's about 10 I think. I've noticed that she is quite nervous about crossing the road where there's no pelican crossing or lights and waits until someone else crosses and follows them over.

[sillywoman]

My eldest was ready to walk to school with her friends in the summer term of year 5. She was 10. They were perfectly happy, as was I - mainly because I was still doing the school run so knew I was around to keep an eye.

As is the way of things, I've become more relaxed as a parent in the intervening years. My next child cycled, mostly alone, at the beginning of year 5 when he was just 9, and so did his younger brother. Baby of the family is now making noises about walking to school on his own. he's too young at 8, but I'll consider it for the end of year 4 when he'll be 9.

I feel the opposite to civilservant; I have observed over the years that children who are too pampered and protected don't learn their 'patch', and often find it much more scary when they are expected to do the - usually longer journey- to secondary school on their own, they don't have the confidence of their more self sufficient peers. I think 11/12 is too late, if they've expressed a wish to walk themselves before then. I'm a fan of building their confidence gradually and appropriately & feel that primary school is a good place to start when they show they're ready for it. At primary school - even if you yourself aren't around - often there are lots of other parents that they know walking younger siblings the same route. You can ask them to keep an eye if you feel they need it, & the children themselves know there are people around that know them if something happens they need help with. Often this isn't the case with the Secondary school journey.

A lot depends on the child of course, a more nervous child may not be ready until 11 or 12 (though it could perhaps be a bigger leap if they haven't done it before year 7)? But I think walking in the last 2 years of primary, providing the school is local, can only be a good thing. particularly if they can do it with their friends.

Watching your child take these steps toward independence is one of the deep joys of Motherhood, no? a bit like letting go of the saddle when they learn to ride on 2 wheels. Your heart is in your mouth the first few times they do it, but you'll be brimming with pride.

[The Nappy Lady]

Yes Sillywoman, I'm conscious of some big milestone moments coming up (again) and am loving watching her growing and changing, this is a whole new kind of magic!

My gut reaction is to start slowly next year - our walk to school is so short and no big roads to cross and I will be around walking the little one anyway, but it would be helpful if she could run ahead if late, or follow on if she's stated late for a club activity etc.

Will ponder some more and maybe see if she could walk with a friend sometimes when we do finally take that next scary step!! Where are the years going??

[nunheadmum]

Molly, I suspect there are so many others walking along that stretch that it wouldn't really be her on her own. And as you have the little one too, you'll be around. Maybe she could start next term meeting a friend and walking on ahead while you're behind to keep a gentle eye on her?

I think the roads are probably the biggest issue in terms of building their confidence. But you're lucky that you don't really have any of the big ones to deal with. Maybe start also letting her make the decisions when you're together about when to cross, so she starts really applying the skills, not just knowing what she 'should' do.

[Carbonara]

Mine have walked to school from 8, but no big roads to cross, and there were always other families on the same route. They have walked to and from school unsupervised since Yr 5. And been to the park alone from 8 or 9.

Build up slowly. When out walking let them take the lead on finding the way and crossing roads and only intervene if they make a mistake Then I did the same thing on buses - let them decide which bus to catch, where to get off, but all the while alongside them. Then the same thing on tubes and the overground. Equip them to ask questions, get them to ask directions or ask ticket people at stations.

I am far more nervous about cycling, but I think traffic has changed hugely since I was young and carefree on my bike, both in amount, speed and attitude of drivers.

[civilservant]

Sillywoman, don't get me wrong on this! Having been one of the protected ones, I'm very keen for my girl to learn independence earlier than I did. (Although being over-protected as a child has made me value independence that much more highly)

My point was that it's important to consider how easy a route would be for a child to negotiate on his/her own. Even a quiet road can be a challenge to children - or even older people - if there's no properly marked crossing on it.

Anyway, I think you'll agree that there's no point making a child do something that they aren't yet ready for, on the grounds that 'it's good for them'.

[sillywoman]

Oh yes, I do agree civilservant. I said several times in my post - it should be driven by the child. If they're asking to do it & showing they're ready then - with appropriate security measures set in place (stranger danger talk/rules, specific road crossing rules etc.etc.) - I believe it's to be encouraged & facilitated.

[prickle]

Definitely would not throw them in at the deep end come secondary - they will have enough on their plate without adding venturing solo into London streets. My yr5 child has been walking the best part of the journey on her own since easter. My main worry are the road crossings particularly as there are so many parked cars (remember Green X code man who said to find a stretch of road clear of parked cars? Impossible in 2012).

[newcomer]

Also I guess you may want to consider:

- the length of the journey

- the ability to walk at least of the route with friends

- the season and weather. I'd be more concerned about letting a child (or anyone, for that matter!) walk alone if it is dark and dreary (e.g., 5pm in February) or very rainy or icy.

- whether or not they usually listen to iPod, etc. while walking (ability to hear traffic coming; 'target' for thieves?)

- are they a 'daydreamer' and/or very trusting child (I know I was at that age!) or a more canny, streetwise one?

- are they going through a stressful time at school when they may be more distracted than usual?

- are they walking along a relatively populated well-lit road or cutting through a deserted park?

etc etc.