When to do battle on please and thank you?

[reren]

My son is a few months off two - and suddenly the terrible twos are starting - he has started throwing little strops when taken away from something he is interested in and gets really cross when told to sit down rather than risking life and limb standing in high chair. He has half an hour of tv in the morning and has started imperiously demanding it - i told him this morning he had to say please (which he does about halfthe time but not very consistently)- he flatly refused! We battled for a while and eventually i gave in because i had to leave for work. Now im kicking myself - I should have stuck to my guns - but i also wonder if expecting him to say please and thank you is setting myself up for failure...is he too young to focus on that? What have you experienced mums found are priorities? Part of me feels things like please and thank you are important to instill very early and really i just should have refused to let him have what he wanted - but the other part thinks he would have just moved onto something else and not really understood he was being 'punished' and maybe i shouldnt have set myself up to fail? Maybe save the lessons on please and thank you for times when i have longer and hes in a better mood?

[oimissus]

I got into a tangle with this at just before 2, and looking back I think I had too high expectations. So what I would do is just repeat sentences back to him with 'please' attached, and when he gets what he's 'asked' for, say 'thank you Mummy', but don't expect him to always say it right now - I think the main thing is him hearing it all the time - so make sure when you ask him to do something you say it too.

[nunheadmum]

Re the stand off - I think the main thing is that he refused to do something you asked rather than the fact that it was to say please. We all compromise at times to stay sane and I wouldn't worry about it. But just make sure you don't do it too often or he'll learn to stand his ground till you give in.

As regards please and thank-you, we still battle with it at age 4 & 6. My kids know how to say it and when to say it but they sometimes forget and they sometimes (I think) do it deliberately to get more attention. I would say that as long as you keep saying it yourself and stress it now and again (getting more as he's older perhaps), he'll get the message. If he's making an issue of it now, I'd say leave it be for a bit and then try again later. There's plenty of time for him to get it and resisting could get ingrained if you persevere too much.

[GCOakley]

I'd say just use 'please' and 'thank-you' consistently yourself, and remind him as often as you can. But beware of making it a battle of wills, as that will just move the focus onto a tug-of-war between you and he may just dig his heels in for the sake of it. He is still really young and I'm sure he will get it.

My 6 year old knows how to say it most of the time. I find he's pretty canny and has worked out when it would be unacceptable not to say it, i.e. at granny's house! I don't think a child under 2 can really understand the concept of being poite, he'll just know it's something you want him to do.