Anyone else have a Jekyll & Hyde toddler? Advice please!

[jennyh]

Hi

I know this is a common thing so I am putting it out there for some opinion as I am a little apprehensive about it...just a little.

Daughter is 18 months, has been going to nursery for 10 months 2-3 days a week. I have often thought that she behaves very differently in the 2 places and I know that it happens a lot so haven't been particularly preoccupied with it until today when we had our latest parents report session. During the session she was playing on the floor whilst we were talking at the table, she seemed immediately drawn to the toys and I thought how nice to see her behaving so naturally in her nursery environment. Next thing I know she is clawing at my legs and wanting to be picked up, I do. This repeats itself over and over again with assorted whinging and fussing and her keyworker says that she is like a different baby and they have never seen her act that way. They say that she is always very happy, very content and independent. She sits at the table and eats her food and will only get down when she is told she can, she brushes her teeth beautifully, goes to sleep on demand, follows them to the nappy change unit without clawing at the carpet, plays well and entertains herself.

At home she is generally a happy girl, full of laughter and fun but for a long time now she has been so needy and clingy and it is starting to get to me a bit. I am sure it is very natural but she has become a shy around people she doesn't recognise that well(particularly men) and follows me round pulling at my legs every minute. Lots of meltdowns during bathtime and other times that used to be lots of fun, lots of tantrums when not allowed down from the highchair, not allowed to play with matches etc! Constantly wanting mummy and I am feeling a little like the puppet and she the puppeteer!

I know that this is common so like I said I am not overly concered but I suppose I would love some advice to help her develop her independent character at home. She has always been the type of child to think about things a lot, work things out and so has had a lot of one-on-one attention as she seems to love questionning things and I enjoy teaching her about the world around her. I guess I am not sure how to go on from here and I am a bit concerned that she will become a shy toddler which I would find upsetting as I was a very shy child and her dad was a different person at school as he was at home. I know its early days and she is so young and ultimately I feel she is perfect but I hate to see her seemingly unhappy at home and not sure if that is the case or whether she is testing me!

ADvice and thoughts appreciated!

[Monkey]

That's completely normal. They always behave super well at nursery, copying the other children. And at home they let their hair down. I used to be an angel all day with my childminder and turn into a handful as soon as my mum arrived! So it's far from being a new trend.

On the shyness, my daughter went from being a super confident toddler to a fairly reserved child. This happened gradually over the past 8-10 months I would say. Her shyness is not hindering her and, after the initial surprise, we now just think that she is reserved and that's ok. And yours is only 18 months. Who knows what she will be like in a year's time?

You're worrying unduly. And that's because you're a mum!

[Saffron]

I remember Little Saff wanting a lot of holding around 15-16 months old. Maybe it's not that she's testing you, instead maybe it's a developmental phase? What type of activities do you do with her on the non-nursery days? We found that the Boppin Bunnies music classes were a good mix of structure and freedom for toddlers, and they gave my daughter a lot of confidence.