Nursery Anxiety

[SJK]

Now it's coming to the crunch of signing up my baby to nursery - she will be 9 months when she starts - I'm suddenly feeling really scared. Do all mums go through this terrible fear and doubt about whether we are doing the right thing? Does it get easier? My daughter is very clingy, hates strangers and even cries when grandparents visit. I feel terrible about inflicting nursery on her but I have to go bak to work for financial reasons.

We are hoping to get her into mother goose greeendale fields. Does anyone have a baby there and can reassure me it WILl be ok?

Thank you for any replies.

[Saffron]

Check with the nursery about their 'settling in' procedure. If they have a very short settling in period, ask for extra settling in time. They may give you some hours for free, and/or you may have to pay for some settling in time (very likely), but at least you'll have the peace of mind of knowing that she's settled well with nursery staff.

For example, plan a start date a week or two before the acutal date you need her to start attending. Use that time to build up a rapport between your daughter and the staff, especially her keyworker. On the first day, stay with your daughter in the nursery and spend only 1/2 to 1 hr there getting to know all the staff. On the next day, leave your daughter alone with the staff for just a little while, maybe only 20 min. Gradually work your way up to leaving her for longer periods of time, until by the end she's spending nearly a full day at the nursery.

I think it's normal to worry, no matter what age your children are. xx

[srisky]

If you haven't already, consider having the nursery start date a month or so apart from your work start, as trying to do both simultaneously is stressful and your daughter may pick up on that. I started work a month before my daughter started nursery with my husband and my mum sharing the childcare until she started nursery. This helped enormously with my anxiety aboutr returning to work and made me more relaxed about helping her into nursery when the time came. Alternatively, have her start nursery before you return to work so you can focus on her settling in so you'll be much more relaxed and better focused on work. I know either option is not necessarily feasible financially or practically.

Good luck!

ETA: my daughter hated strangers (still does really) and would always need and hour so to warm to grandparents even though she saw them every week but managed to settle into nursery within 2 weeks so there is hope :)

[jennyh]

Just to echo the others, try going for a longer settling in period if you can, costs are a big factor! I settled my daughter in over about 3 weeks I think, as much for me as for her. I had never spent time apart from her and we were joined at the hip. She was about the same age as yours. I wont lie and say it was easy as it wasn't but it wasnt as bad as I anticipated, she didnt cry as much as I thought, I kept myself busy during the time she was there so I didn't sit there thinking about her. I spoke to the nursery a lot during the day to get updates on how she was/whether she was crying etc. Important to have a very good relationship with the staff as they need to help you and reassure you.

She didn't eat or sleep at first but she did gradually get used to it and was happy as larry in a couple of weeks.

Try not to sit there dwelling on it, picturing her little face all lost in amongst a mad bunch of raucous toddlers. She won't be like that, in my experience the younger ones get the most one-on-one attention and have lots of cuddles and time out when needed. Try not to think that nursery is a last resort or a bad choice if you can help it, I know its hard when it is something you feel you have to do. It isn't the same as you looking after her of course but in my experience it is a brilliant form of childcare and can be hugely stimulating and beneficial to her. At 18 months my daughter says please and thank you, she is very sweet natured, she shares beautifully, is very communicative and talks a lot. I have started to feel guilty if I don't do lots of fun stuff with her on her days with me as she has such a laugh at nursery! I love that she has all these friendly people at nursery and that she has bonds with lots of other children and adults, I don't feel like they are doing my job, they are doing something wonderful in providing something different for her. but that view definitely comes in time and for the first weeks I really felt just like you, lots of questionning if I was abandoning her, it wasn't fair on her, she was so little and vulnerable etc, it was my job.

So yes, it does get a lot easier but you do need to be strong and also feel that the nursery is a good place for her to be. Hopefully some of the parents from that nursery will reply to your thread.

Good luck, sure it will be fine.

[SJK]

Thank you for your kind and considered responses. I was trying to be all 'macho' about putting mini sjk in nursery and I guess I now feel rather sad about it. I think advice about a settling in period is a very good idea and I will definitely explore this. If anyone does have a young'un at mother goose I'd definitely like to hear how they settled in and are getting on. Thank you again kind ladies!