care for elderly parents

[JaneB]

I'm just throwing the idea out to see if there are any takers (although The Family Room Discussion seems to focus on caring for the young rather than the elderly). I work full time but see my aged parents every Sunday when we either go out to eat or they come to my place for a meal. My father is very frail, deaf and has problems walking and my mum has altzheimers. However, they are still lively and interesting people who can enjoy themselves. I just wondered whether there are any other families out there who might like to get together with us for a meal in a pub or restaurant or any other type of outing that you can suggest. Activities for the elderly seem to take place during the week when I'm not around and I'm sure that, if you are dealing with similar needs to my parents, you are well aware of the slightly sniffy attitude older people can take towards organised fun or attending anything that's full of old people!

My dream scenario would be a fortnightly Sunday lunch or supper with a fun group of carers/supporters who understand the need to be near toilets(!) and can enjoy themselves together with their parent(s).

I know that any form of caring can be hard work and stressful and it would be good to share...and I don't think we are very good as a community at addressing this area of need. The Forum is awash with ideas to support young families but there is very little in terms of helping and supporting elderly people and their carers although it stands to reason there must be loads like me out there.

I know that there are all sorts of brilliant organisations(Dulwich Helpline is superb for example) that offer support but not so much at weekends. And I sort of feel that we could do more to add a little bit of fun and joy into looking after elderly relatives. As I said...just putting it out there...

[JaneB]

Just to confirm, I'm not looking for families with chidren but families like mine i.e. elderly parent(s) and son/daughter/carer...still a family but not one with children...perhaps I've posted on the wrong thread but couldn't work out which one might be better!

[intexasatthe moment]

Southwark Carers http://www.southwarkcarers.org.uk/for-carers/ offer support for carers .

[JaneB]

Thanks for taking the trouble to reply. I am aware of Southwark Carers but they don't actually offer what I am looking for. Having been a mum in the area I am struck by the wealth of opportunities for young families to meet and get together for mutual support, the conversations on The Forum being a prime example. The same thing doesn't exist for elderly people and their carers yet our needs are similar...but we are expected to rely purely on The Council or the voluntary sector for support. The notion of our community offering opportunities to each other doesn't seem to exist in this context and yet it's a situation that we are all going to have to face at some point, either as a son or daughter of an older person or indeed as an older person who is finding daily living increasingly difficult.

Lots of people seem to have read this post but yours is the only reply so still thinking this is in the wrong section of The Forum! And yet this is a key family issue!!!!

[womanofdulwich]

I think its not that common to have elderly family living nearby- ours are in Norfolk and Scotland. We certainly will not be living in London when we retire- like many our house is our pension and we will move out and release some capital to live on ;)

I do know a few people in a similar position to you but their parents are generally stubborn and hard to manipulate/ change their ways. Is church any good?

[JaneB]

Thank you for your comments and I appreciate your response. What you say definitely makes sense. I'm afraid none of us are churchgoers which is a pity in as much as I know about the fantastic work that church communities do to support the elderly.

Growing old is difficult for a lot of people and I understand your friends' parents' attitudes but I sort of hoped we may be able to have a go at setting up something that feels a bit more like what old people might like.

[intexasatthe moment]

I know my mother's world has shrunk as she's got older ,not that she ( or her generation ) socialised in anything like the way people seem to these days .

There are lots of activities for older people in London ,Duilwich Helpline as you know run several .But a joint elderly parents + carers weekend event as you say doesn't exist .

My mum wouldn't go for that - she likes to be the centre of attention and if I'm there it would be me she wants to talk to . She'd be annoyed if I took her out and then I spent time talking to others and not her .

[FRMKE]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/8637156/Full-circle-the-social-network-for-older-people.html#

Don't know if you are aware of Southwark circle (article on link above). I do not know if there social outings include carers, maybe worth getting in touch with them. best wishes to you and your family.

[womanofdulwich]

itatm

Thats just how my Dad is too- :(

[Gidget]

Could this be double listed in the Lounge as well as here?

[Pugwash]

My Mum when she was diagnosed as having renal failure and needed 3 times weekly dialysis, to a certian extent gave up and nothing we did seem to please her. We were all aware how frail she became physically and how tired she was, but she was mentally alert most of the time but hated to be with others outside her home environment. She complained of being lonely, we visited every week at weekends and took her shopping and had tea with her. Grandchildren and great Grandchildren, phoned weekly and visited every 2 - 3 weeks. Mum was included in all family events - birthdays, meals out, festive seasons etc yet nothing satisfied her. She disliked meeting people her own age as she thought them either boring or 'too noisy'

Some Day Centres are open at Weekends - Fred Francis in LL takes people with dementia but your Mum would need a Needs Assessment from a Social Worker to check whether she meets the eligibility criteria for attendance. However, saying that, most day centres are used to prevent a breakdown in caring ( does your father care for your Mum full time?)

The East Dulwich Community Centre is used most weekends (Saturdays - dance classes followed by a Saturday school) but is genrally available for hire from around 5.30 - 10 pm. Sundays at the centre are pretty full, but there is generally a 2 - 3 hour slot late afternoon. If there is sufficient need for carers and their elderly relatives to meet socially, maybe once a month or so, I am sure that the Centre Management Committee or the Barry Area Resident's Association maybe able to lay something on.

I work professionally with mainly elderly people and their carers, so am aware of the isolation/anxiety/need for support. If enough people contact me either via a PM or through the Forum, I am happy to see if something can be arranged for the New Year. The only thing the Centre would not be able to do is organise transport. Centre is fully wheelchair accessible, has a hearing loop system and disabled loos.

[JaneB]

Thank you so much for your really thoughtful reply. I think the community centre is a great idea. My thinking is that a Sunday event (monthly sounds great) with carers means there will be a real mix of people. To be honest when it's just my parents and me I soon get bored and run out of conversation but I personally would enjoy chatting to other people's parents. A social group that families can attend with their elderly relatives would have all sorts of hidden benefits I'm sure. I would be very happy to work with you to get it off the ground if we get some more interested. How about posting your idea in the What's on section or I'm happy to?