A pause for thought

[HydroSmart]

? 2 days ago

A pause for thought. As we enter our first week of the New Year we do with a glimmer of hope, I think it?s fair to say that 2020 was a challenge, the great Martin Luther King Jr once said ?The ultimate measure of a person is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand at times of challenge and controversy? sic.

I speak from experience when I say things must be at their very worst before they can get better.

I am reminded with great vividness my battle with mental illness. Those days were without any doubt some of the toughest times I have ever encountered. Panic attacks, blackouts, almost a year of not being able to leave my bed, endless nights of binge drinking to try and stop the pain, suddenly just bursting into tears in the middle of Regents Street. You could say I?d become a lost soul.

I had lost everything in one of my spectacular business deals, the result of which left my family and I homeless for the better part of three years, we lived rough for almost a year and then finally ended up with family, this is when my illness manifested itself. As I became depressed and sunk deeper into the abyss my condition worsened. I yoyoed in and out of Kings College Hospital, the pressure of my condition had started taking its toll on my fragile body. My weight had rocketed to almost fourteen stones and my blood pressure was life threateningly high from a life of excessive living and long hours of drink dependence. I was on my way to rock bottom. I was suffering the effects of PTSD.

I had been unfortunate enough to watch a person die, I held him as he took his last breath. I cannot tell you how it feels because I have been numb ever since. I?ve been in and out of counselling and my recovery has been a battle between me and the demons that lie dormant in my head. There have been Everest highs and bucket bottom lows.

As I sat next to my friend the realization that I was in-fact lucky to be alive, I admitted that I needed to change. A magic wand was not waved, and my problems did not go away, I just knew that I needed to make a change, my journey had started.

It has taken almost three long hard years to bring balance into my life, I started running to clear my head. I?d missed the Number 3 bus from Paxton Green and chased it only to collapse in a heap as the driver pootled away from each stop.

Today I am a keen ultra-runner with several long distance runs under my belt and a finish in the Worlds toughest foot race ?The Marathon des Sables? it has been a tough road but the challenges I have faced have been worth every bit of my emotion. I have found resolve and peace from the darkest moments and I?ve learnt to forgive and made my peace with those that have hurt me.

My darkest and most difficult moments have become my saving graces learning to accept that which I can not change and changing that which I cannot accept. 2020 was without a shadow of a doubt a challenge for everyone but we must rise to those challenges and push forward knowing that this will pass, we don?t know when, but it will. Until then we must work together to help each other, be kind to others and do unto them as you would do to yourself. Work hard and have faith no matter what you believe in. Faith is the greatest strength we have and with faith we know there is an end. Stay positive despite the negative and remember that there is always someone worse off. We all share the same 24 hours and what we chose to do with it makes us the people we become.

Today I stand as living proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and with hard work and courage you can overcome the challenges of mental illness.

[Chick]

Well done and thanks for sharing. You might like to try a book called "The Salt Path"

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/feb/07/the-salt-path-raynor-winn-review