Bipolar

[Pugwash]

My husband is BP and his daughter by his first marriage is also although she refuses to be 'officially diagnosed' and seek treatment. I found that my husband had given her over ?5000 in 6 months because she was not able to manage her benefits and look after the children. He also was worried that she may turn against him if he did not help and was also worried about the children (3 under 16).I had spoken to him about getting a lasting Power of Attorney and having an official 'maximum amount ' which he could send her through the bank. He thought this a good idea as he was conscious that when he is very 'high' he does spend money unwisely. We did not get around to doing a LPA as most of hubby's friends told him in no uncertain terms that he was a fool being blackmailed by his own child. The 16 year old grandson also told his Granddad not to send money to his Mum as she was wasting it on drink and cigarettes and always telling people what a soft touch her Dad was. Fortunately she is going through a stable period at the moment and the requests have stopped.

[Alec1]

that sounds hard Pugwash. I am glad that you have such a good relationship with him.

[Pugwash]

I think I did a little bit of emotional blackmail myself saying that the money he spent was part of our retirement savings and why was I working past retirement age to keep his daughter in fags and booze. He has got a bit tougher now - last time she asked for money he said I will give your ?20 and that's all ( before it was in the hundreds)

[Alec1]

You were protecting you and him.

[Alan Medic]

Long time since there was a post on this site. However I'm back looking for more advice or information. I don't think I ever asked this question before.My niece is in the business of blaming everyone else for her problems, especially those who are close to her.

The problem as I see it from a distance, is that she does not recognise she has an illness. Have you come across this problem? It would seem that unless she does she will never recover to the point she can take responsibility for her own actions. You can't help someone who doesn't want it. Is there a way out of this dilemma?

[Alec1]

Unless you can get them into the 'system' no. I do know someone who has very complex mh issues and they are in total denial. It's the rest of the world that's unwell. perhaps having a word with your gp to see if they can support you. Contact MIND for support as well.

[Alan Medic]

Thanks Alec1. I'm not directly involved but am involved to the extent that I'd like to understand it.

[Pugwash]

It is very difficult for many people who have a MH 'problem' half of the time they do not realise how ill they are. When you are outside the system, it is hard to get help. Without going back over your long posts, I have a vague recall that your brother and niece are in Ireland? Does she live with your brother? If in Ireland - unless in NI the Mental Health Act is unlikely to be relevant. I had a friend many years ago who was also bipolar but never admitted it, a mutual friend is a psychologist and he gently tried to pursue her to seek help but because she was not a anger to herself or to others, a section was not possible - she managed to get herself into debt through taking flying lessons, was not able to afford her accommodation but managed to keep her temping jobs without a problem.

I think it is best to just ignore your niece's hurtful remarks and not to take things personally. Has your brother any friends/colleagues who have experience of having a friend/relative with MH issues, he could talk with?. If his wife has cancer- he maybe able to get some counselling via McMillan or similar agency - giving him an outlet to talk.

[Alan Medic]

She have moved from one side of the country to the other and is now living with her sister in Dublin and causing her grief. I'm not at the sharp end of her remarks as she unfriended me on FB. My brother lives in perpetual hope she will improve but I don't see how it can if she won't admit to it and seek help.

Thanks for your post.