Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Lovely forumites, I'm looking for some reassurance and words of wisdom.


My son is almost 2 and a half. I'm a stay at home mum and work 2 days a week - my mum has him one of these days and my mother in law the other (both at our house). He's a happy and social little boy but is definitley very accustomed to one-on-one attention as this is what he's been used to really. We've always gone to lots of groups, playdates, one o'clock clubs etc. but in terms of being looked after, it's never been in a group setting.


At 18 months I took him to the Magic Moments creche for one morning a week and he was so, so upset. In hindsight, I can see that he was going through a stage of real separation anxiety and it was bad timing. I feel like the fear and upset really stuck with him for a while after that and whenever we went to groups he became very clingy and anxious which he hadn't been before - basically it seemed as though he thought I was going to abandon him.


He's now a bit older and I've definitely noticed a change in how independent he is and in his desire to explore things on his own. He plays really well with other children and I think he'd really benefit now from a couple of mornings in a preschool/nursery environment. Plus, I'd really like a couple of hours to myself twice a week! I've decided to take him back to Magic Moments as I love the ladies there and get a great feeling from them. However, I'm naturally anxious after our last experience and very aware of not wanting to pass this anxiety on to my little one.


Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom on how I can pose this to him as something exciting and safe - especially the idea of mummy leaving for a little while and then coming back to get him? I plan to do some settling in sessions with him, but how do you say you're going and what do you do if they get really upset when you leave?


Thanks in advance, and apologies if I sound really precious about this, I know loads of kids go to nursery everyday and are really happy. x

I don't have any real answers to your questions - only my own experience to share.

My little one started nursery at 13 months. He was hysterical. Inconsolable. Would shake as soon as he saw the nursery door. Yet the reality was that once we were out of sight, he settled almost immediately - we know this because on separate occasions both daddy I would creep back and spy on him.

He would also burst into tears as soon as we arrived to pick him up. Though curiously - he would only cry if it was the same person doing the pick up and drop off - as if it was the memory of being left that made him cry.

Six weeks on, he now waves hello to his nursery staff and leaves us behind without a backward glance.

Talk to the nursery, particularly his key worker - make sure you are happy that they are going to give him attention and cuddles at the start. Be brave. Always say goodbye. But persevere.

Good luck!

I'm working in a pre school at the moment with kids as young as 2. I have had a few new children with separation anxiety who have cried for several hours on their first visit but eventually calm down after being given much cuddles and soothed, and being told that their mummies are coming back later-sometimes using a clock to show them when their mum will get back. Sometimes on their second visit they have cried again but for a much much shorter amount of time. Then on their third they are usually absolutely fine so it just takes them a little while to get used to it I think and I've noticed that once they've stopped crying they do actually enjoy themselves. Echo BB in that they often start crying again as soon as they spot their mums at the end of the session so don't think if that's happened that they've been crying the whole time. Two 2 year olds I have who cried a lot when they first started now scream excitedly when they see their mums at the end and I've found getting them to concentrate on playing with play dough as soon as they come in distracts them from remembering they're away from their mums. Maybe just ask the nursery how they deal with separation anxiety but I'm sure they are experts at handling it as it's a big part of my job I've found. I also think the age (of your child)is more on your side now too. goodluck!
Some places will do a couple free hours/sessions of settling-in time, where you stay at the nursery, but don't directly interact with your LO, eg you let them play while you stay on the other side of room. Pay for extra settling-in time, if it's not offered for free. With enough of the right type of settling-in time, you can really minimise separation anxiety. The nursery should be supportive of you in this and not try to convince you that your LO is ok, if you really feel more settling-in time would help. xx

Take him first of all at about 11 on a quiet day

You don't want him to go in While lots of children are being dropped as they might cry snd set him off

Perhaps stsy till home time even

Take a toy from home


Read books about nursery

Have a little nursery song


Build a little treat into the routine / park after?

My littlest is at mm


They are very lovely

I often drop off a bit late

Rarely is anyone crying and if they are they sre bring cuddled

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • Yes, because of course there were no violent robberies in the olden days. Pretty much no crime happened at all I believe through the entire Victorian era.
    • Hi all, Im a Southwark council leaseholder and live downstairs in a ground floor flat, there is one flat above me, it's a house with individual front doors leading from the street into the shared pathway. My neighbour told me he has had a ring doorbell installed, no discussion as to how I would feel being on camera everytime I go in and out or in my front garden. I was told it's only for deliveries and doesn't record and only activates when pressed, however I don't know this and I feel really uncomfortable everytime I'm out in garden or on doorstep talking to people. Everytime I walk in/out, it lights up and in the eve it has a  infra red  light. Now I've read up that as he said its only for deliveries, he could set it so it only activates when pressed, however it activates with its motion sensor. Had he said to me about getting it installed, I could have had the opportunity to ask about it recording etc but nothing except it's being installed and when I arrived home it was there. I don't like being horrible to people however I feel I have not been considered in his decision and I feel very uncomfortable as, some times I have to stand on doorstep to get signal for my mobile and I really don't like the idea of being watched and listened to. Has anyone got any advice as I'm beginning to get angry as I've asked about it once and was told it only activates when pressed. I believe this is not true. I know southwark council say you need to ask permission to make sure the neighbours are OK with it, I don't really want to go down that road but I don't know how to approach the subject again. They also put a shed approx 3 foot from my back room window, these places are built so my window faces their rear garden and there upstairs window  faces mine. They said it's there temporarily, that was over a year ago and it does affect the light, plus I'm hoping to sell up soon and the view from window is mainly a dark brown shed. When I've mentioned this, I was told they have no where else to put it, whereas originally they said its only temporary, Also the floorboards above are bare and I get woke early morning and at night, the thudding is so bad my light shakes and window rattles, so I mentioned this and asked if they have rugs, I was told when they get the boards re sanded they will get rugs, I should have asked if they could get rugs and just take them up when boards being done, which I would have done had it been me living above someone, their attitude was I can just put up with it until they are ready. so they had the floor boards done, and the workmen was hammering screws, yes screws, in the floorboards, I spoke to workmen to ask how much longer and they said yes, are using screws to make less noise! I could hear the cordless screwdriver, not an issue but for every screw there were at least 8 whacks, the owners had gone out to avoid the noise  so I  spoke to workmen as the noise was unbearable, the sanding, not an issue at all, people need to get things done to their home and I'm fine that on occasions there will be temporary noise. now I have a nice crack on my bedroom ceiling, I mentioned this to owner but no response, he said there were alot of loose floorboards and it will be much better now, not so noisy, as though I don't know the difference between squeaking floor boards and thudding, and nothing was mentioned re the crack or that they now have rugs, which if it were me, I'd be trying to resolve the issue so we can get on with feeling happy in our homes. so I'm feeling it's a total lack of consideration. these places are old and Edwardian and I've lived here over 40 years, had 4 different neighbours and it's only now the noise of thudding is really bad and the people before had floorboards but nothing like this. As you can probably tell I'm really wound up and I don't want to end up exploding at them, I've always got on with neighbours and always said if there's a problem with my dog, pls let me know, always tell me, however I feel it's got to the point where I say something and I'm fobbed off. I know I should tell them but I'm angry, perhaps I should write them a letter. Any suggestions greatly appreciated and thank you for reading my rant. 
    • Sadly, the price we now all pay for becoming a soft apologetic society.
    • Exactly the same thing happened to me a few years back; they were after my Brompton. Luckily there were only 3 of them so I managed to get away and got a woman to call the police, then they backed off, but not after having hit me in the back of the head first. Police said next time just give them what they want, but I sure as hell wasn't just going to hand over my bike to them!
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...