Words of wisdom on settling a toddler into preschool

[HollieES]

Lovely forumites, I'm looking for some reassurance and words of wisdom.

My son is almost 2 and a half. I'm a stay at home mum and work 2 days a week - my mum has him one of these days and my mother in law the other (both at our house). He's a happy and social little boy but is definitley very accustomed to one-on-one attention as this is what he's been used to really. We've always gone to lots of groups, playdates, one o'clock clubs etc. but in terms of being looked after, it's never been in a group setting.

At 18 months I took him to the Magic Moments creche for one morning a week and he was so, so upset. In hindsight, I can see that he was going through a stage of real separation anxiety and it was bad timing. I feel like the fear and upset really stuck with him for a while after that and whenever we went to groups he became very clingy and anxious which he hadn't been before - basically it seemed as though he thought I was going to abandon him.

He's now a bit older and I've definitely noticed a change in how independent he is and in his desire to explore things on his own. He plays really well with other children and I think he'd really benefit now from a couple of mornings in a preschool/nursery environment. Plus, I'd really like a couple of hours to myself twice a week! I've decided to take him back to Magic Moments as I love the ladies there and get a great feeling from them. However, I'm naturally anxious after our last experience and very aware of not wanting to pass this anxiety on to my little one.

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom on how I can pose this to him as something exciting and safe - especially the idea of mummy leaving for a little while and then coming back to get him? I plan to do some settling in sessions with him, but how do you say you're going and what do you do if they get really upset when you leave?

Thanks in advance, and apologies if I sound really precious about this, I know loads of kids go to nursery everyday and are really happy. x

[Bellenden Belle]

I don't have any real answers to your questions - only my own experience to share.

My little one started nursery at 13 months. He was hysterical. Inconsolable. Would shake as soon as he saw the nursery door. Yet the reality was that once we were out of sight, he settled almost immediately - we know this because on separate occasions both daddy I would creep back and spy on him.

He would also burst into tears as soon as we arrived to pick him up. Though curiously - he would only cry if it was the same person doing the pick up and drop off - as if it was the memory of being left that made him cry.

Six weeks on, he now waves hello to his nursery staff and leaves us behind without a backward glance.

Talk to the nursery, particularly his key worker - make sure you are happy that they are going to give him attention and cuddles at the start. Be brave. Always say goodbye. But persevere.

Good luck!

[zeban]

I'm working in a pre school at the moment with kids as young as 2. I have had a few new children with separation anxiety who have cried for several hours on their first visit but eventually calm down after being given much cuddles and soothed, and being told that their mummies are coming back later-sometimes using a clock to show them when their mum will get back. Sometimes on their second visit they have cried again but for a much much shorter amount of time. Then on their third they are usually absolutely fine so it just takes them a little while to get used to it I think and I've noticed that once they've stopped crying they do actually enjoy themselves. Echo BB in that they often start crying again as soon as they spot their mums at the end of the session so don't think if that's happened that they've been crying the whole time. Two 2 year olds I have who cried a lot when they first started now scream excitedly when they see their mums at the end and I've found getting them to concentrate on playing with play dough as soon as they come in distracts them from remembering they're away from their mums. Maybe just ask the nursery how they deal with separation anxiety but I'm sure they are experts at handling it as it's a big part of my job I've found. I also think the age (of your child)is more on your side now too. goodluck!

[Saffron]

Some places will do a couple free hours/sessions of settling-in time, where you stay at the nursery, but don't directly interact with your LO, eg you let them play while you stay on the other side of room. Pay for extra settling-in time, if it's not offered for free. With enough of the right type of settling-in time, you can really minimise separation anxiety. The nursery should be supportive of you in this and not try to convince you that your LO is ok, if you really feel more settling-in time would help. xx

[HollieES]

Thanks so much for your suggestions and for your PMs, lots of good things to think about there and I appreciate you sharing your experiences. x

[Fuschia]

Take him first of all at about 11 on a quiet day

You don't want him to go in While lots of children are being dropped as they might cry snd set him off

Perhaps stsy till home time even

Take a toy from home

Read books about nursery

Have a little nursery song

Build a little treat into the routine / park after?

My littlest is at mm

They are very lovely

I often drop off a bit late

Rarely is anyone crying and if they are they sre bring cuddled