Blendr v Grindr

[LadyDeliah]

A friend of mine is a massive fan of Grindr and told me about it's sister app, Blendr which was for straight people looking for the same kind of casual link ups as Grindr.

I found it refreshing that there was an app (and eventually a site) that didn't treat everyone who was straight and single as someone who was looking for Mr Right and that some women are happy with Mr Right Now.

From the beginning, Blendr, however was more conservative. Whereas in Grindr members can be explicit about what they were looking for, with Blendr they had to be more coded. Disappointing, but not the end if the world.

I dipped in and out of Blendr and after about a 6 months absence decided to have another look.

It's turned into bloody Beebo.

Why? Grindr is still an app for gay casual link ups, why can't there be a straight version? It's totally crap.

So, tell me, why are gay singles allowed to be more in yer face than straight singles?

Thoughts anyone.

[Fabricio the Guido]

1. It's the wimmim, inn't?

Apparently, women are more reticent when it comes to casual encounters. Despite decades of feminism and the Spice Girls, women seem unable to tell men, what they really, really want. Or, to revise that, maybe they are saying casual sex is not really want they want. The sexual liberation promised by the 60's generation never truly arrived. The zipless ruck, apparently only allowed more men to exploit women and did not mean true liberation. What do women want? The end result has been a switch back to more conservative values. I particularly liked that sexist novel - Atomised by Michele Houellebecq, which captured this dystopian sexual milieu. Men apparently have the option of negotiating the zipless ruck and are much better at creating strategies to having their needs met.

2. Sex positive culture - hooking up is a minority interest or minority pursuit.

3. Men do it better?

4. Do women need as much casual sex as men do?

5. Do women really want sex or babies?

I cannot think of any more generalisations or stereotypes to shoe horn into the conversation. It is too early in the morning. But I'll come back latter if I have any more random thoughts.

[KalamityKel]

*completely lost*

Someone speak english!

[red devil]

KalamityKel Wrote:

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> *completely lost*

>

> Someone speak english!

Zig-a-zig-ah!..

[PeckhamRose]

I think Fabricio pretty much nailed it. Well done.

I'd also suggest reading some basic and not so basic feminist works including those specialising in psychology generally, to explain in more detail the wiring.

[LadyDeliah]

Lol, Fabricio, maybe you're right, or maybe it's about women wanting to be in control and feeling intimidated by the quantity of messages sent to women on more explicit sites.

If anyone does phone apps, I think you have a niche market for a Blendr type app, where men can't initiate contact other than sending a smoky to indicate interest. We can go shopping for the perfect Mr Right Now, without feeling swamped.

[uncleglen]

I think Mrs Brown sums it up- 'Men want someone to fill their belly and empty their nut sac'. I think women have realised this now that they can-through being educated- strip away all the romantic notions and flummery. And don't forget, the women still have to take the entire physical responsibility of the products of intercourse.

[Fabricio the Guido]

Ha Lady D, the technology is already in the marketplace. It is the take up by women which is low. Even on the more 'niche' dating sites, you will always find a preponderance of men and female participation is quite low. Ahem, am no expert but there was a really great blog called 28 Dates Later which really went through all the niche dating sites and reported similar findings.

I don't see how much more control women could possibly want. At the moment, you get a nudge or a wink or a message and the woman has the ultimate choice whether to engage or not engage.

Given the slut shaming society we live in, I can only imagine what would happen if a woman was unfortunately assaulted following the use of such an app. I think, also, it is the general views of society about women, which has led to the low take up rates. Also, the more mainstream dating sites seem perfectly capable of providing for the more casual dater under the guise of meeting Mr Right. The search for true love provides 'a cloak of respectability' for the casual tryst.

The app with the geographic proximity gizmos are really in your face. Imagine pinging every time you walk past a potential match. Very distracting !

You see that feeling of feeling swamped would probably be welcomed by a gay man or a straight man for that matter. Therein lies the key difference, it seems biology or hard wiring has a lot more to say about the nature of desire, than technological algorithms.

http://www.newstatesman.com/lifestyle/2013/04/28-dates-later-willard-foxton-part-fourteen-other-date-blogger

[*Bob*]

The worst one is Flickr. Been on that one for years - not a sniff.

[red devil]

*Bob*, you need to change your default settings.

Go to 'Settings', click on 'Privacy and Permissions', and then uncheck the box 'Don't take me to the muff photos'...

[*Bob*]

Anecdotally, I had a girlfriend through most of University, but was a complete tart.

An interesting observation, looking back, was that a good number of grrls seemed keener to strike-up a occasional shag-buddy type relationships with someone who was 'attached' - because there would (for obvious reasons) be no kiss-and-tell factor.

I dispute the genralised notion that men are just out for a shag and girls weep into their pillows awaiting hearts and flowers. Some are, some aren't. Some do, some don't.

I'm not sure I'd find Grindr appealing even if it were an option. There's something about going out *knowing* you're going to get some that would knock the 'who knows what might happen' fun out of an evening. I suspect the ease of it - dial 1 for sex - also perpetuates compulsive and addictive behaviour.

[maxxi]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> I suspect the ease of it - dial 1 for

> sex - also perpetuates compulsive and addictive

> behaviour.

Not to mention RSI of the appendage.*

*The dialing finger.

[Jeremy]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> There's something about going out

> *knowing* you're going to get some that would

> knock the 'who knows what might happen' fun out of

> an evening.

Yeah, I know what you mean. During my single days I also found it hard to predict whether I'd be going home with a hot girl at the end of the night.

[*Bob*]

'Blendr' is also a terrible name.

Whereas Grindr evokes thoughts of dirty instant gratification accompanied by cool music and half a pill, Blendr somehow implies inept apologetic fumbling by balding, cack-handed divorcees after a cheap pinot g.

[LadyDeliah]

Lols all round. Livened up a boring Sunday afternoon :-)