The Positive Birth Movement

[sillywoman]

So a grow of us got together Friday morning to chat about birth. It was low key, we kept it mainly positive, though we touched upon how to manage expectations net time round after a less than positive experience and also other peoples love of horror stories. It was really nice to just hang out and talk 'birth' with other women really.

We decided that we will run the group once a month on the first Thursday of the month. We decided to alternate morning coffee and evening wine (non-alcoholic for pregnant Mums!) so that those who work can attend if they wish to. The next session will be the evening of Thursday Jan 9th 7-9pm. For the time being the sessions will run from my front room - it's free and sort of set up for groups, but if a better venue comes available we are open to change.

The general feeling was that we would prefer to be a discussion group with a positive approach to labour and birth rather than directly associated with the 'Positive Birth' movement. Some, agreeing with Kes, felt that it did carry strong associations of 'natural birth' - so we're steering clear. This leaves us with a dilemma about our name. If anyone can think of a good name for our ED (no Otta, whatever you're thinking - no, a 'good' name, not a rude one ;) ) please let us know. In the meantime . . . .

To reiterate: Next meeting Thursday January 9th, 7-9pm. For venue please Pm me.

[Saffron]

'TLC - Birth and Beyond'? Widens the focus from positive birth to support in labour and early postpartum months?

Names that didn't make the cut:

'Cackle & Squeak'

'ED Coven'

;-)

[Saffron]

sillywoman Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> So a grow of us got together Friday morning to

> chat about birth. It was low key, we kept it

> mainly positive, though we touched upon how to

> manage expectations net time round after a less

> than positive experience and also other peoples

> love of horror stories. It was really nice to just

> hang out and talk 'birth' with other women

> really.

>

> We decided that we will run the group once a month

> on the first Thursday of the month. We decided to

> alternate morning coffee and evening wine

> (non-alcoholic for pregnant Mums!) so that those

> who work can attend if they wish to. The next

> session will be the evening of Thursday Jan 9th

> 7-9pm. For the time being the sessions will run

> from my front room - it's free and sort of set up

> for groups, but if a better venue comes available

> we are open to change.

>

> The general feeling was that we would prefer to be

> a discussion group with a positive approach to

> labour and birth rather than directly associated

> with the 'Positive Birth' movement. Some, agreeing

> with Kes, felt that it did carry strong

> associations of 'natural birth' - so we're

> steering clear. This leaves us with a dilemma

> about our name. If anyone can think of a good name

> for our ED (no Otta, whatever you're thinking -

> no, a 'good' name, not a rude one ;) ) please let

> us know. In the meantime . . . .

>

> To reiterate: Next meeting Thursday January 9th,

> 7-9pm. For venue please Pm me.

Is this still in the diary for January? xx

[Otta]

Can I ask an honest and serious question, that is NOT meant to annoy anyone...

What is the point in a group like this?

I'm a bloke, so genuinely interested. I get people having difficult births and being traumatised, and needing a debrief and some answers. But I don't get the need to meet up and discuss birthing, particularly positive ones.

[sillywoman]

Good question Otta: I guess it's because birth is a big turning point in a lot of womens lives. It's a big deal, a right of passage for many if you will, and the main representations that we are shown in preparation, through childhood/adolescence/young adulthood is that it's a horrible screaming mess. ANy positive images or descriptions are mocked as being 'hippy' or 'for those who like pain'. Where are the positive images/depictions that acknowledge labour& birth as it is in all it's many forms, that acknowledge it is difficult but yet don't view that as a negative. We are being taught to approach it with fear and anxiety - how will that help us?

There's no deny-ing that for most it's tough, however it happens, elective CS, emergency CS assisted birth, straightforward birth, water birth-with whale music - whatever, it's hard physical and emotional work. Each woman will have her own journey to travel, but - as with any tough physiological task - positivity can help with preparation, whatever type of birth a woman is hoping for/ends up with. The 'positive birth' group aims to debunk a few myths whilst facing up to the realities of birth for women in ED. We aim to go some way to re-balancing the negative view of birth (all types) that the world/media/whatever presents us with as the norm; explore some of the issues around our cultural view of birth, and try to give those of us who are still in the throws of having babies some tools to deal with both their own fears and anxieties and those of others they may meet on their journey to parenthood.

Does that aster the question Otta? You could always come along on Thursday night if you fancy finding out more :D

And yes, Thankyou Saffron. The ED Positive Birth group (still haven't managed to think of a better name that has less hippy-natural-birth connotations: all suggestions considered) will be meeting Thursday evening 7-9pm(ish) at my house. Please PM if you're interested to find out more & would like the address. All welcome - tea & biscuits provided. x

P.S. The topic for discussion this month is 'language - how does it help/hinder/influence labour?'

[Otta]

Okay, I'd misunderstood. So is this group mainly for women who are yet to give birth, to show them that it's not all bad?

If so, that's a cool idea.

I thought it was for women who had given birth to all chat about it, which I can't say as I really "get". I think (and of course I'll never know for sure) that I'd just want to forget the whole thing ASAP and just enjoy the results.

[simonethebeaver]

It is for anyone, those expecting first, second, whatever babies, and those who'd like to discuss their experiences after the event. With respect, Otta, I don't think you can have any idea how you'd feel after giving birth - some women end up with PTSD after birth, others think it's the most empowering thing they ever do. Both may have their own reasons for wanting a peer group to discuss their experience.

[Otta]

My wife had a really shitty first birth experience, and wanted answers after, so whilst you're right, I can't exactly put myself in that position, I can see why SOME people would want to share.

She wanted top talk with friends, but I can't imagine her wanting any part of a group like this. Different folks and all that.

[midivydale]

Hi ladies, I have only just seen this post and I would love to come if that is ok and not too late?

Brilliant idea sillywoman!

X

[midivydale]

Saffron Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Does anyone know if Midivydale might be interested

> in coming? I think she has written very

> eloquently on difficult birth issues in the past.

> xx

Thank you Saffron- I would love to join you ladies next time if that is ok.

X

[Saffron]

Otta Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> My wife had a really shitty first birth

> experience, and wanted answers after, so whilst

> you're right, I can't exactly put myself in that

> position, I can see why SOME people would want to

> share.

>

> She wanted top talk with friends, but I can't

> imagine her wanting any part of a group like this.

> Different folks and all that.

Sometimes women and their partners want technical answers, or they need help but their friends don't know where/how to get that help. And some people don't have many friends or family living near them at the time of their pregnancy. So if talking with friends was helpful, and it's all your wife needed, that's wonderful! :-)

However, if families need extra support during pregnancy, labour, and those first difficult months and years postpartum, then hopefully this group can provide some good peer support and perhaps more individualised attention than NCT or midwives have time to offer, with a focus on positivity.

Just to add to what Sillywoman has already written...

'Positivity' can mean general support, or overcoming birthing fears, or making the most of difficult choices during pregnancy. It can also mean coming to terms with pregnancy, labour, and postpartum experiences that were difficult. A positive birth isn't necessarily a natural birth. A positive experience in birth and beyond is about feeling like you have a Voice.

At the last meet up, Sillywoman suggested some great general topics for discussion, so at the start of each meeting there can be some structured discussion around a particular topic. Then afterwards there can be a general discussion where people can bring up any topics in which they're interested, whether it's seeking advice or sharing experiences with others.

[Saffron]

midivydale Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Saffron Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Does anyone know if Midivydale might be

> interested

> > in coming? I think she has written very

> > eloquently on difficult birth issues in the

> past.

> > xx

>

> Thank you Saffron- I would love to join you ladies

> next time if that is ok.

> X

Meant to mention this when we met at Horniman, but got too side-tracked chasing after Little Saff! Hope to see you there!

[sillywoman]

Thanks for clarifying Saffron. Don't forget everyone the next meeting of ED's 'Thinking Positively ABout Birth (or something like that) Group' is this Thursday evening at my house 7-9pm. Please PM for address. Tea, Biscuits and listening ear provided :D

SW x

[bbmummy]

Hi there!

I'm really interested in your group? When is the next meeting and is there room for one or two more people?

Thanks

[Otta]

sillywoman Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> 'Thinking Positively ABout Birth (or something like that)

What about

Looking At Birth Realistically And Truthfully.

LAB RAT for short.

[Saffron]

Birth And Beyond: Exceptional Support

BABES

[Otta]

I prefer Lab Rat!

Beauty In Giving Birth: Opening Our Brains

Heh heh

[Saffron]

Voices And Minds in Pregnancy Support

VAMPS

[Saffron]

Pregnancy And Mindfulness - Peer Experience Resource

PAMPER

[Saffron]

Pregnancy Resource and Reliable Support

Prrs

[Saffron]

And...

'Hundred Pints Boobytrap' is an anagram of 'Birth Support and Beyond'

[sillywoman]

Otta! You are so naughty!

Keep 'em rolling though - Saffron you're on fire :D

SWx

[Otta]

Mothers Of Anti Negitivity

[Kes]

Been wanting to comment on this for days - but didn't want to spoil Saffron and Otta's fun with the names (I'm bored waiting for something at work now though)

To go back a bit- Otta, I don't really think it's possible to understand someone else's experience of childbirth. Even if you are a women who has been through it. Every birth has a unique set of physical and psychological factors and I often find women are the worst culprits for comparing or judging each other. Sadly, just putting it behind you isn't possible for everyone, I wish it were. So I guess this group could be a big help to some.

Sillywoman - again I find your opinion very interesting and quite different to my own. I feel like we are actually fed two completely opposite images of birth. The terrifying medical horrors of TV and film that you talk about and also the many many websites and groups that promote the idea that everyone can have a wonderful, easy, empowering birth if only you do x,y and z. In the bubble of middle class London the latter almost feels like the mainstream now.

Of course in real life there are women at both of those extremes but far more fall somewhere in the middle. Personally I was never that worried by the TV dramatics as my Mum always mocked how unrealistic they were. If anything though this only made me more credulous of the easy birth view. I quietly suspected that most women who had C sections just weren't trying hard enough - right up to the point where the surgeon got to work on me! Had things gone differently I would probably have felt that my suspicions were confirmed and been unfairly judgemental of others.

Right I've had enough now, no one else left in the lab, time to pack up!

[sillywoman]

Oh Kes, please come. It would be so good to talk more about this over tea & biscuits :D

SWx