Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I'm soon going to be returning to full time 9-5 after being self-employed for a long time....and I'm just wondering if there are any suggestions from those who have done this on how to manage the transition for the whole of the family? My husband is self-employed so outside school hours he can be with the kids...but I am still worried about how they are going to take it! Particularly my youngest girl, aged 4, who is currently going through a difficult "angry stage".


I know I have made the right decision as economic worries were tearing us apart....but I am still very nervous! Are there any tips on how to make evenings calm and "special time", rather than "fighting for mum's attention" time...

I wish I could say it is easy... but it's not. I think you will find a balance and if your husband is able to do pick ups/drop offs then that's a lot of pressure off you.


My advise would be to work four days a week if you can - maybe 1 day working from home. I find the balance is much better that way - working 5 days a week was completely exhausting for me. Not only did I not spend time with the kids, the house was in complete chaos!

well, I'm lucky in that my husband does all the cleaning and also the school drop-offs and pick-ups. In exchange, I do the early morning rising and the bulk of the cooking, which I enjoy.


I am looking forward to having more quality time at the weekend, rather than having to work, and also time with my husband in the evening, rather than having to work. but, still, it leaves only a few precious hours in the evening from when I get home to when my children go to bed....my main worry is about having to be really up and cheerful for these hours even when knackered....

im finding it a bit of a nightmare but then i'm out the house 12 hours a day 5 days a week. its a necessity unfortunately. The other half is being outstanding in that he does the school and nursery drop off and pick ups (i have a 5 year old girl and 8 month old baby). And we have 2 babysitters for 3 days a week (other half works his shifts towards end of week and works nights). food is best done online although not always possible. they have been my worst weekends. this weekend just gone my DD has been sick so unable to leave the house but also unable to do the ironing/cleaning - it will take time to get into a routine (thats said to myself aswell as you!).

build in decompression time if you can. the walk from the bus stop etc to clear your head, get cheerful and dump your work stuff. I find the worst eveningas are the ones where i TRY TO DO BLACKBERRY AND BATHTIME AT THE SAME TIME. oF COURSE TO MANY READING That will seem obvious.BUT WHEN YOU ARE STRESSED IT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. So just accept that 6.30 - 8.30 WILL BE BED AND BATH AND DINNER OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU NEED TO DO, AND IF NECESSARY PICK UP WORK STUFF LATER, RATHER THAN TRY TO DO BOTH. Even a sneaky PEEK AT BLACKBERRY gets SPOTTED, THEN THEY KNOW YOU ARE NOT concentrating and it can easily unravel.

Ocado is your friend. It take a while to get in the routine but is saves so much tooime and effort.

I also highly rate J&B Impress ironing service. They collect from the house and deliver back the next day. Not all our ironing goes there, but the big nasty stuff does.

Apologies for random caps.

You are doing what lots of families do - albeit the other way round - one person full time, one person parttime/shift/work at home etc. Don't try to do everything.

My take is it only seems to work when you have a nice boss/employer.


Without that level of support and understanding, it would be too tough (for me anyway)


Then get a home help to do cleaning, ironing, supermarket delivery etc


Get sleep working

Without sleep you'll go mad

I totally second Katgod about trying to make sure that your different times are separate as much as you can - multitasking is the road to meltdown, for everyone. You'll also enjoy your time with the kids more. But equally, don't feel that if they're there, you need to be with them 100% of the time. Teach them that sometimes you need to do other things and if you say, give me 5 or 10 mins, you need a clear bit of time but you will return to them after that time.


Also, if your husband is doing the after school pick-ups etc, be prepared to let him carry on doing that when you get in. I'm the same situation 3 nights a week and it's really easy to sweep in and try to take over. Work out what he likes doing / what you like doing and try to find a combination that makes the best of it. It might be hard giving up a little bit of control or seeing the kids run to daddy first when they fall over etc. But try not to fret about that. Find your own ways to spend little bits of quality time doing things that Daddy maybe hasn't had time to do.


I think having someone working from home does make things a lot easier for the kids and for you. But feeling that you're maybe not the automatic go-to person for the kids can be hard. And accepting that your husband may develop different ways to yours can be hard too. It's not always easy to stop myself stepping in but I don't think the kids are really any worse off for it. And I do feel much more fortunate than families where both parents are working full time and juggling kids - so I try and focus on the good points!

We both work full time (although I do 5 in 4), and have found the following, as discussed above:


- you must get Ocado if poss - order up to the night before for next day delivery in a one hour slot. I have a monthly pass for about ?5.99? They also sell birthday cards, wrap, presents and some John Lewis stuff. And you can shove a repeat shop in and just get that send if you only have 2 mins to do the order.


- ditto Amazon prime - next day delivery even on a Sunday for last minute forgotten birthday presents


- cleaner (I don't iron - jersey wrap dresses for me, shirts to ironer at work for him). No way I am spending my precious spare time cleaning - thats why I work, to pay somebody else to do it.


- try and build in decompression time after work/before kids (I cycle work and back or try and nip in for a very quick swim). Takes my mind out of work and into relax mode.



- no Blackberrying/IPadding when kids are up after work or at weekends (if you need to do it I wait until after they've gone to bed, although mostly I try not to do it at all).


- make some time for yourself/couple time for you and husband. Easier said than done, but I think you go a bit mad if you life is only work/home/kids with no other fun (or maybe thats just me?!)


- communicate - talk to the kids about what you do all day, and talk to your husband about his day as well as yours.


- plan activities - I book fun stuff in for the weekends and put it on a massive wall calendar, otherwise we'd be too knackered to every take the kids out. I find it easier to do it if I have it in mind already.


I appreciate not everyone can do this, even if workintg, but its what makes my life tolerable. Good luck, and remember nothing is permanent, so if you try it and its shit you can always change back!

What Mellors said. And if you can work one day a week from home that can help. I find the hardest time is when you are knackered and don't feel like making the effort because you've had one of those days at work. But I find even with my little one explaining that I did a lot of talking / working / writing and had a really busy day he then opens up much more with what he's been up to than if I just bombarded him with questions about what he has been up to.


Also one night a week a special evening treat- either a short film night with you all cuddled up on the sofa, or a trip out maybe for a hot choc?


Time for you too - I run for headspace, but whatever gives you time to regroup and reenergise is worth booking in as an important thing.


And pick your battles, don't sweat the small stuff!

Thank you for all your wise words....especially that if it doesn't work out then nothing has to be forever!


i think the main thing for me is making sure i am in a good mood when i step through the door. will have to plan something on way home to be able to wind down, so that i can deal with the assault on my attentions when i get in. my youngest has a habit of kicking off when i turn up, even though she is apparently a little angel for everyone else (sigh)... am trying to think of things that will allow me to wind down apart from wine.... but i know the one thing guaranteed to annoy my other half is when i arrive in a bad mood!

Good Luck with the transition. I am a great believer in starting as you mean to continue. Do not stay late at work, let it be known you have a train you catch at x time, don't negotiate. I find that once you have "set your stall out" people know your limits and accept and work with them. I stay late as and when required so I can be relied on, but I don't set up meetings too late in the day, it's only the odd occasion I stay late - if it's a necessity not a regular thing.


I enjoy getting home, daughter is happy to see me (more so than anyone else has ever been!) so bad work moods aren't worth holding onto. Hope your daughter's moody phase passes fast!


Agree with everyone else - cleaner, food processor, online shopping, making big batches and freezing, anything to make things easier. Even if your husband is doing all the cleaning now getting a cleaner might ease things up for him and give you more time as a couple.


You mention that you don't want kids fighting for your attention. I don't have the please of more than one ( although number 2 is due). Perhaps putting the youngest down before the older ones so that you have individual time with each? Or spending one on one time at the weekends so that family time together during the week isn't an issue. Don't feel guilty this is the way it is for many families and they don't fall apart.


Good luck, hope you enjoy the job.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • The is very low water pressure in the middle of Friern Road this morning.
    • I think mostly those are related to the same "issues". In my experience, it's difficult using the pin when reporting problems, especially if you're on a mobile... There's two obvious leaks in that stretch and has been for sometime one of them apparently being sewer flooding 😱  
    • BBC Homepage Skip to content Accessibility Help EFor you Notifications More menu Search BBC                     BBC News Menu   UK England N. Ireland Scotland Alba Wales Cymru Isle of Man Guernsey Jersey Local News Vets under corporate pressure to increase revenue, BBC told   Image source,Getty Images ByRichard Bilton, BBC Panorama and Ben Milne, BBC News Published 2 hours ago Vets have told BBC Panorama they feel under increasing pressure to make money for the big companies that employ them - and worry about the costly financial impact on pet owners. Prices charged by UK vets rose by 63% between 2016 and 2023, external, and the government's competition regulator has questioned whether the pet-care market - as it stands - is giving customers value for money. One anonymous vet, who works for the UK's largest vet care provider, IVC Evidensia, said that the company has introduced a new monitoring system that could encourage vets to offer pet owners costly tests and treatment options. A spokesperson for IVC told Panorama: "The group's vets and vet nurses never prioritise revenue or transaction value over and above the welfare of the animal in their care." More than half of all UK households are thought to own a pet, external. Over the past few months, hundreds of pet owners have contacted BBC Your Voice with concerns about vet bills. One person said they had paid £5,600 for 18 hours of vet-care for their pet: "I would have paid anything to save him but felt afterwards we had been taken advantage of." Another described how their dog had undergone numerous blood tests and scans: "At the end of the treatment we were none the wiser about her illness and we were presented with a bill of £13,000."   Image caption, UK pet owners spent £6.3bn on vet and other pet-care services in 2024, according to the CMA Mounting concerns over whether pet owners are receiving a fair deal prompted a formal investigation by government watchdog, the Competition and Markets Authority (CMA). In a provisional report, external at the end of last year, it identified several issues: Whether vet companies are being transparent about the ownership of individual practices and whether pet owners have enough information about pricing The concentration of vet practices and clinics in the hands of six companies - these now control 60% of the UK's pet-care market Whether this concentration has led to less market competition and allowed some vet care companies to make excess profits 'Hitting targets' A vet, who leads one of IVC's surgeries (and who does not want to be identified because they fear they could lose their job), has shared a new internal document with Panorama. The document uses a colour code to compare the company's UK-wide tests and treatment options and states that it is intended to help staff improve clinical care. It lists key performance indicators in categories that include average sales per patient, X-rays, ultrasound and lab tests. The vet is worried about the new policy: "We will have meetings every month, where one of the area teams will ask you how many blood tests, X-rays and ultrasounds you're doing." If a category is marked in green on the chart, the clinic would be judged to be among the company's top 25% of achievers in the UK. A red mark, on the other hand, would mean the clinic was in the bottom 25%. If this happens, the vet says, it might be asked to come up with a plan of action. The vet says this would create pressure to "upsell" services. Panorama: Why are vet bills so high? Are people being priced out of pet ownership by soaring bills? Watch on BBC iPlayer now or BBC One at 20:00 on Monday 12 January (22:40 in Northern Ireland) Watch on iPlayer For instance, the vet says, under the new model, IVC would prefer any animal with suspected osteoarthritis to potentially be X-rayed. With sedation, that could add £700 to a bill. While X-rays are sometimes necessary, the vet says, the signs of osteoarthritis - the thickening of joints, for instance - could be obvious to an experienced vet, who might prefer to prescribe a less expensive anti-inflammatory treatment. "Vets shouldn't have pressure to do an X-ray because it would play into whether they are getting green on the care framework for their clinic." IVC has told Panorama it is extremely proud of the work its clinical teams do and the data it collects is to "identify and close gaps in care for our patients". It says its vets have "clinical independence", and that prioritising revenue over care would be against the Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons' (RCVS) code and IVC policy. Vets say they are under pressure to bring in more money per pet   Published 15 April 2025 Vets should be made to publish prices, watchdog says   Published 15 October 2025 The vet says a drive to increase revenue is undermining his profession. Panorama spoke to more than 30 vets in total who are currently working, or have worked, for some of the large veterinary groups. One recalls being told that not enough blood tests were being taken: "We were pushed to do more. I hated opening emails." Another says that when their small practice was sold to a large company, "it was crazy... It was all about hitting targets". Not all the big companies set targets or monitor staff in this way. The high cost of treatment UK pet owners spent £6.3bn on vet and other pet-care services in 2024 - equal to just over £365 per pet-owning household, according to the CMA. However, most pet owners in the UK do not have insurance, and bills can leave less-well-off families feeling helpless when treatment is needed. Many vets used not to display prices and pet owners often had no clear idea of what treatment would cost, but in the past two years that has improved, according to the CMA. Rob Jones has told Panorama that when his family dog, Betty, fell ill during the autumn of 2024 they took her to an emergency treatment centre, Vets Now, and she underwent an operation that cost almost £5,000. Twelve days later, Betty was still unwell, and Rob says he was advised that she could have a serious infection. He was told a diagnosis - and another operation - would cost between £5,000-£8,000.   Image caption, Betty's owners were told an operation on her would cost £12,000 However, on the morning of the operation, Rob was told this price had risen to £12,000. When he complained, he was quoted a new figure - £10,000. "That was the absolute point where I lost faith in them," he says. "It was like, I don't believe that you've got our interests or Betty's interests at heart." The family decided to put Betty to sleep. Rob did not know at the time that both his local vet, and the emergency centre, branded Vets Now, where Betty was treated, were both owned by the same company - IVC. He was happy with the treatment but complained about the sudden price increase and later received an apology from Vets Now. It offered him £3,755.59 as a "goodwill gesture".   Image caption, Rob Jones says he lost faith in the vets treating his pet dog Betty Vets Now told us its staff care passionately for the animals they treat: "In complex cases, prices can vary depending on what the vet discovers during a consultation, during the treatment, and depending on how the patient responds. "We have reviewed our processes and implemented a number of changes to ensure that conversations about pricing are as clear as possible." Value for money? Independent vet practices have been a popular acquisition for corporate investors in recent years, according to Dr David Reader from the University of Glasgow. He has made a detailed study of the industry. Pet care has been seen as attractive, he says, because of the opportunities "to find efficiencies, to consolidate, set up regional hubs, but also to maximise profits". Six large veterinary groups (sometimes referred to as LVGs) now control 60% of the UK pet care market - up from 10% a decade ago, according to the CMA, external. They are: Linnaeus, which owns 180 practices Medivet, which has 363 Vet Partners with 375 practices CVS Group, which has 387 practices Pets at Home, which has 445 practices under the name Vets for Pets IVC Evidensia, which has 900 practices When the CMA announced its provisional findings last autumn, it said there was not enough competition or informed choice in the market. It estimated the combined cost of this to UK pet owners amounted to £900m between 2020-2024. Corporate vets dispute the £900m figure. They say their prices are competitive and made freely available, and reflect their huge investment in the industry, not to mention rising costs, particularly of drugs. The corporate vets also say customers value their services highly and that they comply with the RCVS guidelines.   Image caption, A CMA survey suggests pet owners are happy with the service they receive from vets A CMA survey suggests pet owners are happy with their vets - both corporate and independent - when it comes to quality of service. But, with the exception of Pets at Home, customer satisfaction on cost is much lower for the big companies. "I think that large veterinary corporations, particularly where they're owned by private equity companies, are more concerned about profits than professionals who own veterinary businesses," says Suzy Hudson-Cooke from the British Veterinary Union, which is part of Unite. Proposals for change The CMA's final report on the vet industry is expected by the spring but no date has been set for publication. In its provisional report, it proposed improved transparency on pricing and vet ownership. Companies would have to reveal if vet practices were part of a chain, and whether they had business connections with hospitals, out-of-hours surgeries, online pharmacies and even crematoria. IVC, CVS and Vet Partners all have connected businesses and would have to be more transparent about their services in the future. Pets at Home does not buy practices - it works in partnership with individual vets, as does Medivet. These companies have consistently made clear in their branding who owns their practices. The big companies say they support moves to make the industry more transparent so long as they don't put too high a burden on vets. David Reader says the CMA proposals could have gone further. "There's good reason to think that once this investigation is concluded, some of the larger veterinary groups will continue with their acquisition strategies." The CMA says its proposals would "improve competition by helping pet owners choose the right vet, the right treatment, and the right way to buy medicine - without confusion or unnecessary cost". For Rob Jones, however, it is probably too late. "I honestly wouldn't get another pet," he says. "I think it's so expensive now and the risk financially is so great.             Food Terms of Use About the BBC Privacy Policy Cookies Accessibility Help Parental Guidance Contact the BBC Make an editorial complaint BBC emails for you Copyright © 2026 BBC. The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read about our approach to external linking.
    • What does the area with the blue dotted lines and the crossed out water drop mean? No water in this area? So many leaks in the area.
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...