Help... social media training needed.

[misi]

Sorry to put this cry for help in this "General Gossip" section. I also posted it in the "business services" section, but I thought I might get a wider audience here. Fingers crossed.

OK, I'm going to just give in and not resist anymore. It is 2014 and I need to accept this. I need someone who is very savvy (or even just "quite savvy") about LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and similar to help me. I'm not a total beginner, but am not going to be insulted if someone treats me as such. I'm planning on taking a professional social media marketing course, but I'd rather not waste valuable time with the instructors covering the basics which every 10 year old in 2014 is expected to know. I'm happy to pay for several hours of someone's time (or just couple hours or even a few days if I need a total immersion course). I guess some local teenaged social media genius would be fine, although someone who happens to work in the field of communications, marketing or business in general who knows how social media applies to the world of commerce would be ideal. But I'm not fussy. But whomever steps forward must be patient. Please help. Thanks. Oh, I don't even really know what "the cloud" is. But feel I should.