The Off-Off Topic Thread

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Sorry I've not been around but I had an accident while sleepwalking last night and its taken all day for the Somnambulance Brigade to come out and tend to me...

[HonaloochieB]

It's all so bally, I mean to say the sheer bally balliness of it all.

[Brendan]

In my day I had to carry my mum?s people carrier to school and back. 5 miles it was, snowing, uphill both ways and I was barefoot.

Kids these days don?t know they?re born.

[Brendan]

In every job I?ve ever had I?ve worked with someone called John.

[Brendan]

Sieves are particularly difficult things to clean.

[Brendan]

Denmark Hill station would benefit from a few firemen?s poles for quick access to the platforms from the station building. They would relieve congestion on the staircases, help people catch their morning trains and provide an amusing double entendre.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

St Basillisa is the patron saint against chilblains

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

St Basillisa is the patron saint against chilblains

When I was a Teenager 40 years ago My Mum told me never to put my hands in really hot water when I came in from the cold to instantly warm up as it would give me chillblains.

For once she was wrong(in my case) I have continued to come in from the cold in the heart of Winter to do this and not a chillblain in sight!

[Brendan]

Who is the Patron Saint of train timetables?

[HonaloochieB]

Saint Helier.

[Brendan]

According to ?tinterweb St Helier was an ascetic hermit who knitted jerseys.

[Brendan]

I can do a really bad impression of Michael Caine and not a lot of people know that.

[HonaloochieB]

Cain slew Abel and was cast east of Eden.

Probably got sent on a bloody safari holiday as well, I shouldn't wonder.

Even then the judiciary was shackled by political correctness.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Elizabeth Taylor has beautiful eyes.

[Brendan]

East of Ealing? Did he get sent to Shepherd?s Bush then?

[HonaloochieB]

But what's the quickest way to Shepherd's Bush?

Up a Shepherd's leg.

[HonaloochieB]

Mutton? Oh, Mutt 'n'? Well, a little bit since you ask. But not so's you notice.

According to my physician, a monocle in my left lug'll bring my hearing back to perfect earsight.

I recommend my man J.C.T. Jennings without reservation.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Jeff Beck used to own a restaurant/pub in a Kent village.

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Jeff Beck did not want to record "Hi Ho Silver Lining" but his Record Company insisted to bring them revenue for their investment in nnn-commercial Becks...

[HonaloochieB]

When the 'offy' has run out of the large bottles of 'Peroni', I'll 'settle' for 'large' bottles of 'Becks'.

And you can 'quote' me on that. Or 'that' now I think of it. Or 'it', as I think of it.

[HonaloochieB]

Tony.London Suburbs Wrote:

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> Jeff Beck did not want to record "Hi Ho Silver

> Lining" but his Record Company insisted to bring

> them revenue for their investment in

> nnn-commercial Becks...

Oh, leave it it out TLS, are you suggesting, he was taken at gun point to a studio, a cocked pistol held to his head and forced to produce the song? Including the slightly 'skewiff' guitar solo?

Are you honestly suggesting that the bass guitarist on the session Ron Wood, wouldn't've perhaps called on some tasty members of the 'water gypsy' community to 'have a word'. I think you may be speculating.

Unless of course Don Arden was involved, if so, it could well have been just as you say.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Ossie Ardiles played for Spurs in the FA Cup the day after the Falklands started.

[HonaloochieB]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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Ossie Ardiles played for Spurs in the FA Cup the day after the Falklands started ..to realise that even as Falk they were prey to others looking upon their lands in a biblically covetous fashion..

[HonaloochieB]

I hope you don't take offence. And you also keep your greasy mitts off my garden gate.