Red Alert!!

[Sods Law]

We join the forum going about it's manoeuvres and exercises when suddenly an unexpected blast from the past rocks the boat.

Admin: Officer of the watch MacGabhan. How's she fairing?

Officer MagGabhan: It's a quiet night Captain. I've trimmed the bow planes to 90 degrees and we're cruising at a comfortable 15 knots on silent speed.

Admin: Whats our depth?

OM: Precisely 150 meters sir

Admin: Splendid. Officer Piers, how is our engine situation? Have we got a full compliment at that post?

OP: Situation is as standard and drilled sir. All crew members posted to that part of the vessel are accounted for.

Admin: Wonderful. Officer Moos. Is the ASDIC sonar picking up anything?

OMS: Exactly as it was last night sir. Utterly dead.

Admin: Good. Keep your ear to the ether.

OMS: Aye Aye sir.

Admin: OK officer MacGabhan we may as well surface for the night. Take her up.

OMS: Sir. I'm picking up a faint propeller echo, roughly 2 kilometers port of us sir.

Admin: We'll wait a while to suss out if they're hostile. It may just be a harmless bot.

OMS: They've flooded their tubes sir!

Admin: Officer of the watch. Sound red alert and signal all hands to brace themselves! Officer Piers. Send a message to the Adminarilty to warn them we're under attack and that we will reserve no measures in order to defend ourselves!

Admin: Officer MacGabhan. Flood tubes 1 to 4. Set warheads.

OM: Aye Aye sir.

OMS: Sir their post is 500 meters from impact!

Admin: Officer of the watch. Adjust Giro planes to 45 degrees respectively and engage propulsion to 32 knots. Instruct *Bob*

to post an acid and dry response.

OM: Everything is ready.

Admin: Post!

OMS: The post is nearing impact......direct hit sir. That told Snor...the enemy. We've got another customer sir. A retard 200 meters off the starboard bow.

Admin: Instruct able boy Woof to post a baffling attack.

OMS: The post is in the ether sir. Another direct hit sir. That told Mike...the enemy a thing or two.

OMS: We've got another one sir. It's larger than the others. It's engine is giving off the impression that this particular enemy is a younger little gobshite.

Admin: I can't stand those. Instruct Officer Dulwichmum to fire off a scathing attack.

OMS: Aye Aye sir. The post is on it's way to it's victim. Sorry sir but it was blown out of the water by it's target.

Admin: Instigate our secret weapon. Instruct Ted Max to post a ridiculing and humour sodden post to let the target/little shit know everyone on board this vessel is laughing at them.

OMS: Already taken care of sir. Target neutralized.

Admin: Thank god for that. I thought we were doomed.

[Cue romantic embrace between Admin and Officer MacGabhan that carry on on for...naval vessels all over the world]

Admin: Well. I think we should all have a cup of tea to celebrate. Ensign Daizie, put the kettle on, there's a luv.

ED: Two lumps or one sir.

Admin: Two lumps.

ED: Oooo...eerr.