The likely outcome

[Roll Deep]

Since the population of east dulwich is largely a bunch of pompous and effete wet lettuce liberals who donate to Amnesty for the bumper sticker, a resulting show down following any provocative or threatening - or most likely, patronising - private messages that have caused a bit of an uproar lately, will undoubtably follow as thus.....

"Darling, whats the matter?"

"I'll tell you whats the matter! I'm trying to have a polite and constructive discussion with a fellow user called Mockney about the ascent of Charles Martel in the Merovingian dynasty of the Frankish kings.....and some unmentionable keeps calling me a poofter!"

"Ahhh Mockney...everyones friend. Anyway, don't rise to their bait my dear. They probably lack any credible higher education."

"Lack any credible higher education? That's not what the estate agent said."

"I can't remember. His tie distracted me from any important questions I had. Apart from that, your incessant typing is keeping Annunzia up and it's way past her bedtime."

"I don't care! I'm not going to be pushed around like this."

"Remember what happened on househusband.com?"

"That was different. This is my manor, so to speak. I can't loose face, especially not in front of Mockney."

"What are you going to do?"

"Fight fire with fire."

"Oh darling, I love it when you talk like that. I makes me damp."

"I'm going to send a disagreeable yet ambiguous message letting him know what I think of him"

"Now all we have to do is wait."

"Ooooo darling, this is so exciting!"

"They've replied. U fink yor so cleva wiv all yor tork ov kings and horses and stuff. If u keep torkin like a poof I'm gonna cum round and let yor tyres down!"

"Well, if you do that I'm going to come round and daub 'Open University Scum' all over your property!"

"U aint got the bollox mate!"

"Where do you live?"

"You first!"

"Fine!!!"

10 minutes later.....

"He's at the door darling!!"

"Go and hide upstairs, I'll deal with him. So, you finally made it eh? I bet you feel really tough now eh?"

"Is that a Warhammer t-shirt you're wearing, from the 1997 showdown in Birmingham's N.E.C?"

"Yes. Is that a Hornby members ring on your finger?"

"Yeah. Pint?"

"Glass of red?"