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things the kids say

OliviaDee

By OliviaDee
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OliviaDee

OliviaDee

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you really can't. i'm so annoyed i didn't write them down as they came - you think you'll always remember - but i can barely remember what happened yesterday.



a friend of mine whose mother died was really torn about whether or not to bring her 6 year old daughter Sam to Granny's funeral. finally she decided she would, and would try and talk her through it, the realities of life etc... etc...

When the coffin was carried into the church Sam asked what it was and was told 'That's (sympathetic tones) called a coffin. That's where Granny's body is.' Sam duly started roaring crying, escalated wailing 'But- but- but!' and had to be taken out - everybody watching them down the aisle till Sam finally got the rest of her sentence out

'But Mummy where's her head then?!'

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dubluke

dubluke

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Posted

david_carnell Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> When did we become Readers' Digest?

>

> Or Take a Break?



If this was take a break the thread would be called "MY SON'S GHOST GOT MY BEST FRIEND PREGNANT, ALL THE GOSS INSIDE"

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KidKruger

KidKruger

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When I was santa at school a couple of years ago, a conversation with a 9 year old girl.


Santa, "Come and sit here - what's your name ?".


Girl, "Tabitha".


Santa, "Here's a surprise present you can open later. What else would you like for Christmas".


Girl, "A new brain".


Santa, "Interesting, why would you like a new brain for Chrismas ?!".


Girl, "Because I'm useless in school and my parents get embarassed 'cause I'm so stupid".

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KidKruger

KidKruger

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I was totally stunned by what she said and asked her what she was good at, suggesting maybe she could concentrate on the things that interest HER the most so she can be happy at doing well with those..

But no, I failed to get her new parents, the sack of presents was pretty much full of only party bags, no adoptive parents in there that I could see !

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KidKruger

KidKruger

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My 4 year old girl while we were driving up to Barbican family film club..


Dad !


Yep ?


My brain's not working properly.


Oh, that sounds pretty heavy baby.


Yeah, I think it's gonna stop in a minute, it's broken.


What does it feel like, I mean HOW can you tell ?


Well, I've gone blind Dad.


*WANTS to concentrate on driving through Elephant & Castle but looking around to check daughter 'looks' OK*

Well, can you see anything, I mean can you see Daddy ?


Yeah but you're not real, Dad.


OK.... can you see the road and cars ?


Yeah.


Well that's good sweetie, maybe you're not blind just yet.


Dad I think my brain's working again now.


Excellent darling because the film starts in 20 minutes...

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OliviaDee

OliviaDee

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our eldest's first word came out as a sentence and nearly caused a car crash too we laughed that much. from the back seat and out of no-where she suddenly roared 'Bang! And the dirt is gone!' we hadn't even had a da-da at that point.
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dubluke

dubluke

Posted
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OliviaDee Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> our eldest's first word came out as a sentence and

> nearly caused a car crash too we laughed that

> much. from the back seat and out of no-where she

> suddenly roared 'Bang! And the dirt is gone!' we

> hadn't even had a da-da at that point.


haha!! that's hilarious

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randombloke

randombloke

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Sat in his car seat at the age of about 2 and 1/2, with me in the back, his mum driving and my mother sat in the front seat my son noted that we'd just been cut up by another car. He piped up, "Is he a w@nker too mummy, like the man you shouted at yesterday?"


Having lived all his life in Wakefield, West Yorkshire at the age of 4 he tried to converse with an American child at Disneyland Florida. Said child was wearing a baseball cap and dungarees, was chronically obese scoffing a huge burger and the offspring of what can only be described as God fearin' southern folk who believed in truth justice and the American way as administered by large hand guns. Several attempts to engage with the child failed. To which he loudly announced "Dad, this kid is stupid as well as fat and ugly."


Tha' can allus tell a Yorkshireman, but tha' cannot tell 'im much.

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HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
Posted

KidKruger Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> My 4 year old girl while we were driving up to

> Barbican family film club..

>

> Dad !

>

> Yep ?

>

> My brain's not working properly.

>

> Oh, that sounds pretty heavy baby.

>

> Yeah, I think it's gonna stop in a minute, it's

> broken.

>

> What does it feel like, I mean HOW can you tell ?

>

> Well, I've gone blind Dad.

>

> *WANTS to concentrate on driving through Elephant

> & Castle but looking around to check daughter

> 'looks' OK*

> Well, can you see anything, I mean can you see

> Daddy ?

>

> Yeah but you're not real, Dad.

>

> OK.... can you see the road and cars ?

>

> Yeah.

>

> Well that's good sweetie, maybe you're not blind

> just yet.

>

> Dad I think my brain's working again now.

>

> Excellent d

arling because the film starts in 20

> minutes...


Fine, fine stuff KK, I'm not sure whether you might want to offer it to Peep Show or Outnumbered.

I could see it working some way in either.


Anyway, you had me at 'Oh, that sounds pretty heavy, baby'


Made my Friday night KK.

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SteveT

SteveT

Posted
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My buddy has an engineering workshop and was waiting for the arrival of a new punching machine.

After it had arrived it was referred to as the punch.

When the bending machine arrived his son of six said are you gonna call it Judy?

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katie1997

katie1997

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me - 17 years old, standing in front of bathroom mirror at my mum's house, plastering on a ridiculous amount of make-up. Foundation first.


brother - 5 yrs old, watching intently...then he innocently asks why I am putting on 'new skin'.


A *little* bit older now and I am thinking 'if only it were that easy' ;)


PS. I persuaded him that my lip gloss was just colourless lip balm. You gotta get your own back, right? I remind him of it regularly.

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HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
Posted

katie1997 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> me - 17 years old, standing in front of bathroom

> mirror at my mum's house, plastering on a

> ridiculous amount of make-up. Foundation first.

>

> brother - 5 yrs old, watching intently...then he

> innocently asks why I am putting on 'new skin'.

>

> A *little* bit older now and I am thinking 'if

> only it were that easy' ;)

>

> PS. I persuaded him that my lip gloss was just

> colourless lip balm. You gotta get your own back,

> right? I remind him of it regularly.


I just keep playing 'Perfect Skin' by Lloyd Cole & The Commotions, ss I read this.

It seems so right.

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