Need help with my confidence

[Avasmum13]

Hi,

I am a late joiner to the forum. I have a 7 month old little girl and i am looking to meet some mums in the area. I live in Nunhead and me and baby have not been to any groups yet. Since having her my confidence has gone and now i get too anxious to leave the house. I have tried a few groups in the area but everyone had already made friends and some were quite cliquey which just adds to my anxiety.

I am i first time mum and single parent and would love to make some mummy friends! If anyone is local and free to meet it would be great to hear from you or if anyone knows any support groups that could help me i would be very greatful my GP and health visitors haven't been very helpful.

Thanks

X

[midivydale]

Hi Avasmum,

Joining the forum is a great start to make mum friends (or any friends for that matter). It is daunting to have a new baby and I think so many of us can relate to how you are feeling. I was lucky that I made friends through the spring babies group before my little one came along as I too was very emotional post birth and found it hard to meet people then. I think it is a very common to feel like you do.

I live in Nunhead too and am back at work now but if you would like to meet for a coffee at the dish and spoon on a weekend I would be happy to meet. Another Nunhead forumite (astrid83) is a friend of mine who has a baby the same age as yours. She lives in Nunhead too and is always up for meeting new faces and drink coffee. If you send her a PM I am sure she would love to meet you too.

Have you tried the baby group at Ivydale Children centre on a Wednesday? It is run by a lovely girl called Natalie and I am sure that she would look out for you if you turned up and told you how you felt. She did with me:)

It takes time to find baby groups that you like and I comfortable with but perhaps you can make it your mission to try one new group per week or so until you find one or two that you feel you would like to make regular.

Natalie at the children centre may be able to advise you if there are other groups where you can find support such a single parents support group or whatever it may be. They also run baby massage classes free of charge and I found that was a nice activity. Ivydale was the surestart centre that I went to the most as it was closest to me but there are other really good ones in the area. Bessemer Grange is often talked of highly on here.

Another thing that could be useful perhaps is to join activities where they do something ie massage, music, sing and sign rather than the "sit down and chat groups". That way you will be able to get out and about and do nice things but you dont need to feel the pressure to talk to people or fear that you are the only one outside the clique.

I will PM you my number x

[Saffron]

Wow, you've hit on several Family Room themes from the past very accurately: Rubbish healthcare workers, cliquey mum & baby groups, postpartum anxiety!*

As the mother of a now 4 year old, I'd say try to go at least once a week to a class/activity that you enjoy with your baby and don't worry too much about trying to make friends. Sometimes new mummy-friendships can take a while to cultivate. Everyone's babies seem to be sleeping at different times, people have work and family commitments etc. I think someone (Forumite Fuschia?) once observed that trying to make new mummy friends can be like dating on shiftwork.

Also, you don't mention if you're receiving any treatment for your anxiety (although it sounds like you've not had very supportive healthcare workers, so I'm guessing maybe not)? It's really important to get your anxiety under control, speaking from personal experience with anxiety all my life.

Please feel free to PM me about anything. xx

*With the obvious and usual disclaimer that not all healthcare workers are rubbish, some mum & baby groups are very nice, and not everyone has postpartum anxiety of course.

[Avasmum13]

Thank you both for your responses i dont know why i am so anxious now I have been to my GP about it they sent me for blood tests and that was it xx

[astrid83]

I've got a 7 month old son and would be happy to meet up with you! I've also heard good stuff about the group on Wednesdays at Ivydale but haven't been myself yet as it clashes with other stuff.

Pm me if you'd like to meet for a coffee or a walk!

I don't do that many groups, but one that i really like is the baby music class on Tuesdays at The old nun's head.

[Saffron]

It's common for GPs to do general blood tests including, for example iron levels, as a first measure when people report feeling unwell. Just as a general example, low iron is quite common following birth, even months afterwards. Iron is used not just by the blood but is also an essential mineral for enzyme reactions supporting memory and emotion.

So if your blood work returns any obvious deficiencies or abnormalities, treating these may improve your mood to some extent. In the meantime however, as it sounds like the anxiety may have been going on for a while, it think it would be completely reasonable to seek some further treatment and support for the anxiety. With all do respect, not all GPs always know the best treatments for psychological problems. But any GP should be reasonably amenable to requests for further diagnosis and support.

At your local GPs surgery, is there perhaps one GP who specialises in mental health? Otherwise you can make a request to see a specialist on the NHS.

If you have private insurance or can afford to pay outright, I can very highly recommend Dr Jeremy Pfeffer (020 7935 3878, 97 Harley St.), who is not only exceedingly knowledgeable but also compassionate. When I was struggling with GPs on the NHS, Dr Pfeffer was able to write a recommendation to my NHS GPs, which helped me get the best treatment.

I can also really highly recommend Giles Davies for acupuncture. He practices out of the basement flat at his home at 15 Barry Road (07739 414 210). He and his wife have grown children, so in addition to being a great acupuncturist, he also really understands the ups and downs of parenting.

xx

[ana maria]

You are not alone, It's silly but I find some groups a bit intimidating and being anxious only makes it worse. I have a 10 month old and live near peckham rye station, let me know if you want to meet up sometime. X

Ana

[dulwichpsychology]

I agree with all of the above comments that many women find some groups a bit intimidating. I am sure you will meet some lovely mums now that you have posted on the forum and this will most likely help to alleviate some of your anxiety. It definitely sounds like it would be helpful to talk to someone about how yoru confidence and anxiety have been affected since you had your daughter. You can actually self-refer to the local psychology service http://www.slam-iapt.nhs.uk/section.php?id=25 by calling 0203 228 6747 (Lambeth) or 020 3228 2194 (Southwark). Alternatively there are many private options. I run a free monthly support group for mums with children under 2 - it is very informal and we talk about any difficulties the mums who come to the group are experiencing. The next one is on 7th February at 7.30pm

With best wishes

Christine

[Youngrach]

there is a lovely group called bumps and babies at goose green community centre, 62a east dulwich road. its on, on a Monday from 1-3. everyone is really friendly

[sillywoman]

I think there's also a drop in new parents drop at the Nuns Head on a Tuesday morning. It's seemed very welcoming and cosy when I went, but that was a over a year ago so it might not run anymore? Can anyone shed any light?

[Nunheadfamily]

This course sounds like it might be helpful

http://www.babycalming.com/teacher/rosie-goode