waynetta

STRING dipped in tomato sauce makes perfect reusable spaghetti for kids who don't like spaghetti My kids never touch the stuff, and don't realise I've been serving them up the same bowl of string for over a year now.

Eh??

:)

To eight items or less misery at your local supermarket. Simply bring a group of friends shopping with you, and divide the contents of your trolley amongst them.

Take a visit to the castle. If you look at someone the wrong way you may get your dental work sorted as well.

ALCOHOLICS Increase the strength of your booze by an eight by giving blood immediately before going on a bender.

Eh??

You can't have much of a clue if you need to come here for advice. You'll be like a fukking lamb to the slaughter

WTF is a side return? Actually I just remembered. I don't give a flying fukk

A SIMPLE pocket calculator placed alongside your television is a constant source of amusement. Watch your friends' faces as they try in vain to change the TV channel with it.

WIG wearers. Secure your toupee in high winds by wearing a brightly coloured party hat with an elasticated chin strap. Carry a balloon and a bottle of wine, and you'll pass off as an innocent party-goer.

AVOID 'red eye' when taking flash photographs by sticking a small piece of black tape over the flash bulb on the front of your camera.

CUT your man's hair around a mousse ring mould instead of a pudding bowl if he is balding at the crown.

KEEP all your CDs in the wrong cases. If a burglar steals them, at least he'll have the unenviable task of sorting them out before he can sell them to his 'fence'.

WHEN reading a book try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be Tippexed over and used for shopping lists.