theasidonio

they seem pricey though. Do you have one? what's the quality like?

I've ordered the kit. Anyone know what kind/size of drill bit I need to buy to run the coax cable from living room to bedroom (on same floor)?

Am due to have this surgery done on both wrists next month at Kings. Can anyone give some advice regarding recovery time? Having googled this it seems to vary massively!

amydown Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Many thanks to everyone for the posts and also > PMs. Saffron, the situation with The groom's > mother didn't actually involve her contacting my > MiL specifically. They know each other, live in > the same village and move in the same circule as > it were, and it came up in conversation. > > I don't begrudge the couple for wanting a kids > free wedding as I said before. Their wedding, > their day. I was in fact really grateful when we > were given the exception. That was months ago and > we were just happily planning to attend as a > family. It's only when invitation arrived with > just my and husband's name on and in "confirming" > the permission we felt from the tone of their > voices and language used that we realised maybe > the "permission" was given more so as not to rock > the boat rather than the couple being genuinely ok > with it. The next day, my MIl had the conversation > with groom's mother confirming my suspicions. > > Having read everyone's posts, I have indeed > decided to give it a few months and see how I feel > nearer the time and decide then. For the time > being, decided to thank them for the invitation > and confirm that the kids will not be attending > the wedding but there is a possibility that I may > have to stay at home with them if childcare / > breastfeeding issues remain unresolved. > > Thea, I have also found your posts insightful in > understanding a different point of view. The only > thing that saddened me was the comment about "who > cares how much money the guests have to spend" > (sorry if I'm misquoting. Just remembering off the > top of my head". We are going to considerable > lengths both logistically and financially to > attend this wedding and have done for many family > members and friends over the years (as I'm sure > many guests have to do these days). Happy to do so > for our nearest and dearest of course. However, > such generosity should not be taken for granted. > Not very endearing really. Fair do's. Perhaps I should have phrased it a bit better - infuriated by people griping about the expenses of attending a wedding when attendance is not compulsory!

ClareC Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Hmmm wedding politics!! > > That's exactly why we are planning to organise > ours with a 6 week turnaround ;) less time for > family interference!! > > Seriously though, a B&G should please themselves, > it is their day after all. Just be aware the knock > on effect their decisions have on others and don't > be offended if people subsequently can't make it Wedding politics are the bane of my life at the moment. Trying to please two different cultures foodwise has been the most difficult. Wish I could arrange ours in six weeks - I think I'm a bit too much of a control-freak to do that!

Saffron Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > RE MiLs/mothers getting involved: You're damn luck > if they're not! :) my MIL has tried to get involved but I've put my foot down. We are paying for it ourselves, with no contributions (not that we expect them) from either set of parents. I've given both my mum and my MIL a specific 'job' each to make them feel included.

Saffron Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Theasidonio, it's brilliant that you spoke to > everyone in person. I'm sure your wedding day > will be special. I suspect that really great > weddings are those where everyone's expectations > have been clearly communicated by the bride and > groom directly. > > I struck by how weird (to me) it seems that the > OP's MiL was contacted by the groom's mum, re the > OP's children at the wedding. I know large > wedding can get complicated, but shouldn't the > bride and groom speak to guests about this > personally to avoid confusion? And, if they've > said it's ok to have children there, then why > aren't there any accommodations being made? That > sounds to me like they don't actually want > children there. But is it the bride and groom > that don't want children, or is it the groom's > mother? Very confusing. Agreed. I bet the bride and groom would be mortified if they knew one of their monthers was interfering like that. I'd be devastated if anyone else got involved like that with our wedding.

Ole Wrote: > Out of curiosity - why did you decline an invite > to a wedding where your long-term partner had not > been invited to, but are considering excluding > children from your own wedding? I was trying to highlight that I do understand why people get upset when children are excluded. I was upset when my partner wasn't invited to this wedding but I got over it because I realised that it's not my day and my partner and I were not enititled to an invite. My partner didn't get invited to that particular wedding because the bride (who I was friends with) was limited on space and had never met him. Looking back, I know I over-reacted. In my case, all of the children we haven't included in our wedding are all under the age of 5. I'm sure this wouldn't make a difference to most people but the idea of a large group of toddlers getting bored/fussy/hungry during important parts of the day would be stressful to me. I know a lot of mums think it's a crap reason, but i really want my cousins, sister-in-laws and friends to be able to let their hair down and not miss out parts of the day because they need to take their toddlers outside.

Otta Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Look, basically people are selfish about their > weddings, and fair enough, it is their big day, > and I would never suggest they should change their > arrangements on my part. That doesn't mean I won't > have my opinion. > > I missed my friend's wedding last year (I was > meant to be best man) because they chose to have > it in Cyprus, where her mum owns a nice place, and > it would cost them a lot less. Of course, that > means all their guests have to spend a fortune, > and as a result, they ended up with q lot of their > friends missing, especially on his side. > > I personally won't attend a wedding where my kids > are not welcome, or if I'm expected to abroad, > without good reason (went to a friend's wedding in > Venezuela, because bride was from there and her > family never would have afforded to come here). > > Don't even get me started on non religious people > marrying in church! The non-religious people marrying in church really upsets me too. Have managed to upset my dad and all of his very-Catholic family by a) not marrying in church and b) not inviting the family priest to the reception! As I said you can't please everyone. I was once invited to a wedding and my long-term partner was not invited. I politely declined the invite but was fuming about it for a time but got over it really quickly.

I was under the impression that if you are not attending you should send a card but not a gift. I hope I haven't commited a big faux pas there! I personally spoke with all the mum's in mine and my partner's families about the kids not being invited before we had sent the invites out. Luckily for us, nearly all of the mum's are happy to attend and leave their kids with their in-laws. We don't have any children in our family or social circle that are older apart from my step-daughter. Our friends and family have been really understanding about the fact that our venue is really limited space-wise and we are on a really tight budget. I'd always still invite people that I wanted to come, even if I knew they probably wouldn't be able to come because of childcare issues. I've not set out to offend anyone on here but feel really strongly about wedding politics; we've changed the venue twice, going to have kids, then not going to have kids, anguishing over whether or not to give our single friends a 'plus-one' or not. Organising a wedding is stressful,you woun't be able to please all of your guests - we've spent so long trying to be diplomatic, in the end, we've decided to do and have the things that will make us happy!

Agree with regards to exceptions. We will be having my fiance's 14 year old daughter as the only exception to the no-children rule. None of our friends or family are currently pregnant, but if there is anyone breastfeeding their child, I would of course, make an exception for them too. I don't know much about breast feeding, Saffron. I was just thinking, if it were me, I'd want some privacy, I can appreciate that not everyone feels the same, but I haven't made this rule. I feel like you are singling me out when I'm not the only one who has offered the opposite point of view. Hardly the maid of honour's job to remove a toddler she doesn't know from the dance floor. Should of been his mother, keeping a better eye on him!

Er, I don't have the money for all of these events. We are also saving for our own wedding and have foregone a holiday for the past 3 years for various reasons. I'm not being family unfriendly at all, I'm merely offering a different point of view. A lot of people on here are calling people who want child-freee weddings 'selfish' - I think this is unfriendly. By all means, you are entitled to be put out and annoyed but you shouldn't be berating other people for making a choice about the kind of day they want to have. Not sure why I'm being singled out. The OP asked what other people have done in similar situations. Whilst I cannot give advice on breastfeeding, I offered an opionion from the other point of view, the bride and grooms as I am am currently in a similar situation where I am asking my guests not to bring their children. I hadn't even considered if any of my guests might be breastfeeding at the time and this is something I will now be considering.

Indeed. But I'm sure the bride and groom will have numerous invites also. It's part of life. So far we've been invited to two weddings, 3 christenings, a naming ceremony, one holy communion and a number of children's birthday parties. To attend some of these it will involve travel, buying gifts, new outfits and for one, a hotel overnight. I wouldn't miss any of these for the world as these are all important people in our lives and they've invited us to share in these important milestone occasions.

Lula Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Amydown, totally empathise with you too. > > I think many couples really don't understand or > enjoy having kids around at their wedding and the > simple reason is that they don't yet have any of > their own. It would be interesting to see if they > felt the same way once they do have kids and are > faced with a similar situation to yourself. > > Do what you feel comfortable with. I don't think > your 7 month old will go off breastfeeding in one > evening especially if you can express and the > nanny can feed baby the expressed milk. If nanny > can come with you that would be a good solution > but as you've pointed out weddings are bloody > expensive and people just don't think about the > cost to others as it's 'their special day?' why should people think about the cost to others?These will be the same people you invite to your children's christenings/naming day whatever/birthday/holy communion etc. If you don't want to spend the money to celebrate an important milestone in one of your friends/family member's lives then don't do it, don't gripe about it! it's ONE day out of your lives, it may mean having to change your routine, book accomodation etc , they aren't asking for you to do it every weekend! Jeez, if I was thinking about the impact of my wedding on my guests, I'd never be able to find a suitable date, time or venue. Amy, if you don't feel comfortable, don't go. The bride and groom will understand.

Ruth_Baldock Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I am assuming you don't have children and haven't > breastfed. They are not saying "look, don't change > your baby's nappy at the table, some people find > it disgusting..." they are asking me to hide > myself away because some people they know are too > bloody stupid to realise that, actually, boobs are > for feeding babies and seeing someone breastfeed a > baby isn't disgusting or rude, but natural. At > least it is for us. It is so uPsetting to be > belittled the way both my daughter and myself are. > And if breastfeeding would ruin their day, then > they shouldn't have invited me. End of. Breastfeeding might well be natural but some people still don't want to see it, I think the bride and groom were trying to be mindful for the majority of their guests. It might be a bit unfair but you shouldn't take it personally, it's a small sacrifice for their day. They aren't asking you to stop feeding your daughter in your home, in cafes, in the park or wherever. It's their wedding day. Respect that.

Ruth_Baldock Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Sorry, the bride and groom upset??? I couldn't > give a flying fig! They aren't providing the room > for my comfort but rather so they're other guests > aren't upset by me breastfeeding. There are so > many offensive things going on with the sitaution > that I can't even list them! They know i am fIne > feeding my baby in front of others, they know us > both very well and they're family. Ha! Oh my. I do hope none of my family behave like that on my wedding day! I think it's sad that you don't care about upsetting family on their big day.

Chippy Minton Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > If you want a sitter, and a child free night, > fine. As a parent that is your decision. It's when > other people decide to make the decision for you > that I take exception to. > > You take exception! It's their wedding and they're > inviting you - you're not entitled to attend! > > However, when people try and say I can't take my > kids into public places which don't require an > invitation, such as pubs, now that's where I take > exception ;-) Chippy, I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Ruth_Baldock Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Privacy, perhaps. But I don't need privacy in a > side-room. I have, and will continue, to feed my > baby whenever/wherever and being told I must do > this behind closed doors is extremely offensive. > Also, if a cafe owner or whatever did that, it > would be against the law. > Suffice to say, I won't be scuttling off to feed > my daughter, tyvm. Have you told the bride and groom you don't need the room? I hope they won't be too upset.

amyw Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > > Just a quick one to say don't judge people for > having a no kids policy. It's not arrogance or a > bad attitude to exclude kids. Although its fair to > say if a couple doesn't have kids when they get > married they are likely less aware of how hard it > is to go kids free. There are a lot of reasons why > a particular venue might be chosen and numbers > restricted and it's not always cost. The hardest > thing about weddings can be juggling the different > expectations of family while still trying to stay > sane. I could provide a host of examples from my > own weddings but that's not what the thread is > about! Agreed!

fapl Wrote: (and if he doesn't behave we take him > outside so as to minimise bother to other > people). > If only all parents were like you fapl. Couldn't count the amount of weddings and other functions that I've been to where some of the parents let their kids run riot in the church and reception. The last wedding I went to, one mum let her 4 year old slide up and down the dancefloor when the bride and groom were having their first dance. In fact, I recall she thought it was funny. You cannot guarantee that all parents will be as thoughtful as you.

Ruth_Baldock Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Cuppatea, I can really empathise with > "breastfeeding Mums are not acceptable to most > people..." > > I am attending a wedding which my children have > been invited to and have been TOLD, not asked, > that there will be a seperate room for me to nurse > my daughter in. The reason? "THAT will make my > guests uncomfortable". > > Well. Great. doesn't having a separate room mean you'll have privacy? I'm just asking!

I am having a child free wedding and my fiance and I are paying for it ourselves. we simply cannot swallow the cost of all the children's meals (we are only getting a discount of ?8 per child under 12). (anyone who says it doesn't cost clearly hasn't had to plan a wedding recentley). We could invite less people so all the parent's could bring their kids but I'd rather have my grown-up friends there. We've offended one parent out of about 18.

I think a breast-feeding mum and baby would be acceptable to most people. I think older babies and toddlers aren't if you are trying to keep the numbers down due to costs/space - it might be selfish but it's only ONE day. Would you expect children to be invited to funerals too?

'Selfish gits' is a bit much. What 'events' is it acceptable for kids to be excluded from? There are parents out there that do appreciate a bit of a break every now and then, a wedding is a special occasion that only happens once in most couple's lifetimes. It is not unreasonable to ask people to get a sitter for ONE evening!

Each to their own. It may come down to cost. Some people just aren't into kids (oh the horror!) and some may be limited space-wise! For me personally, we have a limited number that we can afford to invite and we'd rather be able to invite another friend or family member than have a space taken up by a child who won't remember it, get bored qucikly and push a really expensive plate of food around their plate. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion - a wedding invite is exactly that, an invite. If you don't want to go without your child then you don't have to go! Simple! I consulted all of my family and friends before I sent out invites to 'test the water'. One person was upset her 2 year old wasn't invited but all the other parents are looking forward to a night off with grown-up company!